Esmiel's Blog

Building a Tardis ain't easy.

2010-05-20T11:44:00.002+01:00

[3:38] Kyris Upshaw: theres more glass than I thought there was o: ...infact I's surprised he never once broke any >_>
[3:38] Kyris Upshaw: maybe he did o:
[3:38] Esmiel Posthorn: There is glass? lol
[3:38] Kyris Upshaw: *smash* aaww fuck not again
[3:38] Kyris Upshaw: lol
[3:39] Kyris Upshaw: yus... glass tubes n lil tank things full of pressurey pistons and what not
[3:39] Esmiel Posthorn: I had no idea
[3:39] Esmiel Posthorn: @.@
[3:40] Kyris Upshaw: theres a main set of three pointing towards the door with a lil valve and a pressure dial indicator thing... and then theres 2 almost identical single ones either side of it on the other panel bits... and then theres another glass thing below one of the monitors positiony panels... attached to pipes n wires
[3:40] Kyris Upshaw: o:
[3:40] Kyris Upshaw: and
[3:40] Kyris Upshaw: and
[3:40] Kyris Upshaw: lol
[3:41] Kyris Upshaw: thers atleast... 3 of those movey orb things... thats embedded in the console... o.o and theres also a spare lying about somewhere... he keeps alot of spare junk :P
[3:41] Kyris Upshaw: which makes it haaaard... to like... actually... tell... whats attached to the console and whats not :P
[3:42] Kyris Upshaw: except the binoculars... if THOSE are attached... I'll... eat my... foot... or sumthin... with a spoon... made of FIRE
[3:43] Esmiel Posthorn: Yeah.
[3:43] Esmiel Posthorn: What?
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: ...
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: nevermind
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: he keeps a pair of binoculars... did you know that?
[3:43] Esmiel Posthorn: I can't remember
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: and I think some sort of giant compass
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: :P
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: more glass
[3:43] Kyris Upshaw: lol
[3:44] Kyris Upshaw: aaaand and
[3:44] Kyris Upshaw: I learned which switch is the GO switch :D
[3:44] Kyris Upshaw: he flicks the same one every time
[3:44] Kyris Upshaw nod nods
[3:44] Kyris Upshaw: well almost every time
[3:45] Kyris Upshaw: theres actually like... a few... different ways of taking off... so... theres also a few different go buttons lol
[3:45] Kyris Upshaw: but the usual way of de-materialising and re-materialising somewhere else... is... that... one...
[3:45] Kyris Upshaw: xD
[3:46] Kyris Upshaw: and... I'm gonna stop talking now
[3:46] Kyris Upshaw: sorry xD

Somehow, Kyris actually manages to build as much as he talks. Very impressive.

Esmie xXx

King Julian

2010-03-15T19:59:00.001Z

[12:57] Julian Battitude: i am the king!
[12:57] Julian Battitude: lmao
[12:57] Julian Battitude looks down and blinks, "pay no attention to the skirt!

Esmie xXx

Tseenik prepares for a date

2010-03-08T23:33:00.000Z

[15:27] Tseenik Miles: should I get him some flowers or something?
[15:28] Esmiel Posthorn: Wow you are old fashioned
[15:28] Esmiel Posthorn: Just make sure you take a condom
[15:28] Esmiel Posthorn: :P
[15:28] Esmiel Posthorn: I have a rose you can give him
[15:28] Esmiel Posthorn: lol
[15:28] Tseenik Miles: so that would be ixnay on the lowersfa
[15:29] Esmiel Posthorn: Well, I am not a flower fan
[15:29] Esmiel Posthorn: I dunno about this guy
[15:29] Tseenik Miles: what do you give.... a body piercing?
[15:29] Tseenik Miles: hehhehehehheheh
[15:29] Esmiel Posthorn: My cock, usually
[15:29] Esmiel Posthorn: :P
[15:29] Tseenik Miles: heheh

I think I helped

Esmie xXx

Viewer 2.0 Beta

2010-03-04T21:53:00.002Z

So, I was reading a bunch of forum posts about how sucky the new 2.0 viewer is, and I must admit, I agreed with 99% of them. It is clunky and dull and makes my head hurt; it is too dark, the things that matter are too small, such as text and pictures, and bullshit is too big... such as big grey borders and fucking stupid buttons. One forum post was just so perfect, so wonderful, I had to paste it in here to keep it forever and to share with everyone. It was initially a reply to a post about how Picks have been ruined.

Prokofky Neva:

I couldn't agree more.

And when I see how *consciously* the picks have been destroyed, along with search/places, classifieds on the avatar, etc. I have to wonder if the Lindens held a weekend seminar in which they said:

"How can we break inworld business even more than we've already broken it with land glutting, price hikes and dumps, freebies/commissions policies changes on x-street? How can we *really* bring it to its knees?"

So Schumpeter Linden says, "I know, let's destroy the engine of sales, search/places, by making it unusable, let's fill it with junk, no longer sorted by traffic relevance, and returning only 3 items per search -- that will do it."

Then Darwin Linden says "Let's savage Picks. Let's take them out as an automatic until somebody figures out to use EDIT-something to see them. Then let's make them less visible and hide half the text -- Picks only drive inworld commerce to stores inworld away from our Xstreet property where we collect commission, so let's be sure to really mess this one up."

Then Clusterflock Linden says, "The way to make this look like Facebook, but destroy any semblance of usability like Facebook or the old SL, is to put all the messages in a big black box bunch at the bottom right, where people won't find it easy to look for, and keep it flashing and piling up like a deck of cards. That way, we can drive people to socialize on Avatars United, shop on Xstreet, and not burden our servers by actually being in world, except long enough to take pictures of themselves to put on their fashion blogs."

Then Taylorism Linden says, "Wait, I got a way we can shave some minutes off that experience, too. Let's bork the camera controls, ruin the commands for snapshots, and make taking pictures a mess too -- that will put paid to that extra behaviour."

Then M Linden says, "But then why would anybody bother to log on?"

Stallman Linden then replies, "Just long enough to use all the third-party viewers we're going to give a pass to even under our new rules to copy the content and port it over to Opensim."

I hate the new viewer. Emerald for Life.

Esmie xXx

Hug time!

2010-03-04T19:28:00.000Z

[10:41] Enzeru Onizuka wanders by, swipes a hug.
[10:42] Esmiel Posthorn is suddenly force-hugged and loves it .__.
[10:43] Enzeru Onizuka hugs you harder, "That's right, bitch. Take it. Take it." >:D
[10:43] Enzeru Onizuka the hug rapist.
[10:44] Esmiel Posthorn squeals.. "Ahh! Ahh! Oh fuck yeah, thats good hugs.."
[10:46] Enzeru Onizuka hugs the hell out of you, "Yeah, I knew you wanted it. Those perfectly sensible and covering clothes of yours screamed that you wanted it."
[10:47] Esmiel Posthorn wipes the sweat from his brow and tries to squeeze you back.. "Yeah, I was gagging for a good hugging.. I'm so lucky such a well hung hug-stud was passing.."

Esmie xXx

Silfadion's Little Problem.

2010-03-03T17:49:00.001Z

[9:39] Silfadion Haefnir: DUDE THERES A BEETLE IN MY ROOM AND I AM FUCKED.
[9:39] Esmiel Posthorn: Is it big?
[9:40] Silfadion Haefnir: your thumb.
[9:40] Silfadion Haefnir: From the middle joint to the end of the nail.
[9:40] Esmiel Posthorn: Oh thats pretty big
[9:40] Esmiel Posthorn: I have held bigger
[9:40] Esmiel Posthorn: Lol Just chuck it out the window
[9:41] Silfadion Haefnir: I. Am. Not. Touching. It.
[9:41] Esmiel Posthorn: Hang on.. I'll be right over
[9:41] Esmiel Posthorn: Lol.
[9:41] Esmiel Posthorn: Is it on the wall
[9:41] Silfadion Haefnir: I don't know where it is.
[9:42] Silfadion Haefnir: Hurry dude HURRRYYY
[9:42] Silfadion Haefnir: xD
[9:42] Esmiel Posthorn: I wish we lived next door to each other lol
[9:42] Esmiel Posthorn: That would be epic
[9:42] Silfadion Haefnir: LOL that would be hilarious.
[9:42] Esmiel Posthorn: Get your dad to hunt the beetle down? lol
[9:42] Esmiel Posthorn: I am sure he can deal with it
[9:44] Esmiel Posthorn: Are you sure you're not just imagining this?
[9:45] Esmiel Posthorn: Did the beetle eat you?
[9:49] Esmiel Posthorn: Can I have your stuff?
[9:49] Silfadion Haefnir: o_______o
[9:49] Silfadion Haefnir: Dad's asleep.
[9:49] Silfadion Haefnir: I'm alone with no siblings, no boyfriend and no girlfriend.
[9:49] Esmiel Posthorn: You have a shoe, don't you? SMASH that fucker
[9:51] Esmiel Posthorn: You can do this.. I believe in you.
[9:52] Silfadion Haefnir sobs, afraid. "I don't know where he went!!"
[9:53] Esmiel Posthorn gives you encouragement from ten thousand miles away.. "Just be ready for it to emerge, then finish it with a shoe or book before it can bite you!"
[9:53] Silfadion Haefnir: O_____O
[9:54] Silfadion Haefnir: Beetles can...biteee?
[9:54] Esmiel Posthorn: Oh, no, did i say that?
[9:54] Esmiel Posthorn: I meant.. hug.
[9:54] Silfadion Haefnir: But it has a freaky underside
[9:54] Silfadion Haefnir: I dont wanna be HUGGED.
[9:55] Esmiel Posthorn: THEN KILL IT
[9:55] Silfadion Haefnir: I DONT KNOW WHERE IT WENT.
[9:55] Silfadion Haefnir: XDDD
[9:55] Esmiel Posthorn: Just don't go to sleep
[9:55] Esmiel Posthorn: That's when they crawl in your mouth
[9:55] Esmiel Posthorn: I have to go out to the Cinema now ~ Good luck

Esmie xXx

Birthday Surprise.

2010-03-02T15:22:00.000Z

[7:14] Kyris Upshaw: WTF YOU SONNOVA BITCH O:
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw: whens your birfday?
[7:15] Esmiel Posthorn: WHAT?
[7:15] Esmiel Posthorn: omg March 10th
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw screams at you
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw: saaaaaaame
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw: >:O
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw: we is birthday buddehs
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw: HUG ME NOW
[7:15] Esmiel Posthorn: OMG NO
[7:15] Esmiel Posthorn: OMG YES
[7:15] Esmiel Posthorn HUGS YOU
[7:15] Kyris Upshaw HUGS!!!

You learn something new every day.

Esmie xXx

A Neutral Avatar Mesh

2010-03-01T14:17:00.003Z

My new friend Sakito Nakamichi has posted this suggestion on the JIRA:

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/VWR-17609

Basically, he suggests a medium avatar mesh in between female and male with no major defining characteristics; for example: no breasts, better distribution of muscles and a more androgynous skeleton that works better with scaling at the lower ends; I am sure we've all seen how horrific the male mesh looks when you have reduce the size of muscles and height down past a certain level.

If you don't know how to vote, then look on the left of the page, sign in using your usual SL name and password, and then click 'Vote for link'. With enough votes, we can get the Lindens to seriously consider this proposal and then we won't have to use the female template to build cute gay boys anymore. (Not that I do - but it is extremely difficult to get more feminine than me without either having horrific shoulder blades or tiny boobs.)

Esmie xXx

Hoaghes and the animals.

2010-02-27T17:16:00.002Z

[9:09] Esmiel Posthorn: i wanna work in a zoo.. animals are so awesome
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: go do it!
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: youre smart enuf
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: and yeah
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: I agree, animals rock
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: but Im a stoner
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: I space out on stuff like that :P
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: national geographic ftw
[9:09] Esmiel Posthorn: you dont need drugs to appreciate nature :P
[9:09] Hoaghes Beaumont: tru tru
[9:10] Hoaghes Beaumont: I'd love to work in a zoo as well..I think its cool.
[9:10] Hoaghes Beaumont: Monkey world is in the UK
[9:10] Esmiel Posthorn: oh, great, they have an opening for an 'admin assisstant'
[9:10] Hoaghes Beaumont: thats a cool place as well
[9:10] Esmiel Posthorn: and thats it
[9:10] Hoaghes Beaumont: at monkey world?
[9:10] Esmiel Posthorn: no at my nearest zoo
[9:11] Hoaghes Beaumont: well, its a start.
[9:11] Esmiel Posthorn: mebbe *ponders*
[9:11] Hoaghes Beaumont: and its better then nuffin
[9:12] Hoaghes Beaumont: plus!
[9:12] Hoaghes Beaumont: you prolly get to visit the zoo as much as you want
[9:12] Hoaghes Beaumont: and it sounds like something youd be able to do
[9:12] Esmiel Posthorn: awww but i wanna feed the tapirs dammit
[9:12] Esmiel Posthorn: lol
[9:12] Hoaghes Beaumont: dude
[9:13] Hoaghes Beaumont: say you love zoos and youd do anything to work in one, even as an admin assistant, but that if they hire ya..You want a clause allowing you at least one tapir feeding session..say..every two weeks or so
[9:13] Hoaghes Beaumont: that or a 10% increase in wage
[9:13] Hoaghes Beaumont: and youre se
[9:13] Hoaghes Beaumont: t
[9:13] Esmiel Posthorn: wow, you're a genius
[9:14] Hoaghes Beaumont: I knoes!
[9:14] Hoaghes Beaumont: oh, and you want to lick one of those toads that make you hallucinate
[9:14] Hoaghes Beaumont: cuz theyre fuck awesome
[9:14] Esmiel Posthorn: lmfao
[9:14] Esmiel Posthorn makes a note
[9:14] Hoaghes Beaumont: like, every month and a half.
[9:15] Hoaghes Beaumont: and a free supply of fluffy stuffed animals every quarter
[9:16] Hoaghes Beaumont: Maybe want to experience the thrill of getting banged up by a hippo as well?
[9:16] Hoaghes Beaumont: I could add that as a yearly clause.
[9:16] Esmiel Posthorn: Maybe thats going a bit far
[9:17] Hoaghes Beaumont: Rite *scraps it*
[9:18] Hoaghes Beaumont shrugs.
[9:18] Hoaghes Beaumont: Im not even stoned yet.

Esmie xXx

Kyris' Escape

2010-02-25T12:17:00.002Z

We were discussing sexual perversions and fetishes, and I cant remember what exactly it was that I jokingly went 'mmm' too.. but.. here goes.

[2010/02/22 14:18] Esmiel Posthorn: mmm..
[2010/02/22 14:18] Kyris Upshaw: o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: .o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ..o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ...o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Esmiel Posthorn: i have said too much.. *jumps out the window and flees*
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ....o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: .......o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ..........o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ...........o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ......................o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ...............................o.o
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: .................................o.o|
[2010/02/22 14:19] Kyris Upshaw: ...................................o.|
[2010/02/22 14:20] Kyris Upshaw: ....................................o|
[2010/02/22 14:20] Kyris Upshaw: .....................................|
[2010/02/22 14:20] Kyris Upshaw: dats me... edgin sloooowly out the door
[2010/02/22 14:20] Kyris Upshaw nods
[2010/02/22 14:20] Esmiel Posthorn: I left twenty minutes ago via the window
[2010/02/22 14:20] Kyris Upshaw: I knows
[2010/02/22 14:20] Kyris Upshaw: was still in shock

Esmie xXx

O Hai :D

2010-02-21T20:57:00.002Z

I realise it has been some time since I posted; it has mostly been because I don't know what to say! However, a dilemma opened up recently where I was running out of space to fit hilarious quotes into my Profile Picks... and then I realised I had a blog... so... I will post them on here. Expect some regular updates in future :D

[12:44] Babes Baily: i just moisturised and had a cocoa butter disaster
[12:44] Esmiel Posthorn: a cocoa butter disaster? OMG
[12:44] Esmiel Posthorn: what happened?
[12:45] Babes Baily: lmao i was like smacking it to get more out and it like jizzed all over my pjs and my hand :(
[12:45] Babes Baily: lol thats what she said
[12:45] Esmiel Posthorn: LMFAO
[12:45] Babes Baily: it did though!
[12:45] Babes Baily: so i rubbed it all over my bodeh
[12:46] Esmiel Posthorn: I am fucking dying here
[12:46] Babes Baily: LOL
[12:46] Babes Baily: i had to scrape some up though with a cup and it was going everywhere it went all up the pc monitor
[12:47] Babes Baily: fucking hell, not even moisturising is easy these days
[12:47] Babes Baily: :(
[12:47] Esmiel Posthorn: I hate it when that happens
[12:47] Babes Baily: i no right
[12:47] Babes Baily: its never actually came out that much before though
[12:47] Babes Baily: palmers let me down
[12:47] Esmiel Posthorn: please shut up
[12:48] Esmiel Posthorn: I am screaming
[12:48] Esmiel Posthorn: XD
[12:48] Babes Baily: :D
[12:48] Babes Baily: its true!
[12:48] Babes Baily: fucking bad packaging i say
[12:48] Babes Baily: that stupid lid
[12:48] Esmiel Posthorn: yeah
[12:48] Esmiel Posthorn: maybe you should just try sucking it out next time
[12:48] Babes Baily: no then my mouth would be all creamy and buttery
[12:49] Esmiel Posthorn: i thought you liked that :D
[12:49] Babes Baily: LOL not that kinda creamy buttery stuff :D
[12:50] Esmiel Posthorn: XDDDDD
[12:50] Esmiel Posthorn: this is so fucking epic
[12:50] Babes Baily: im going to contact them
[12:50] Esmiel Posthorn: "your cocoa butter went all over my monitor, send me some new tubes"
[12:53] Babes Baily: LOL they should, im sorry but that package is odley shaped and a stupid size

Esmie xXx

Three.

2009-11-22T18:31:00.003Z

I was three years old last week. What a fucking trip it has been.

Its kinda scary when I look back and think about all the thousands of things I have done.. the literally hundreds of people I have met, the few relationships I have had, the dozens and dozens of nights staying up far too late dancing and chatting and being a dork.

Its been wild.

When I was born, I had no idea I would still be here 3 years later. It seems almost beyond belief, its fantastical. Two years didnt seem like such a big deal.. but three.. holy fucking crap.

I don't think it is possible to quantify what the people I have met in the past few years really mean to me. True, some are just a casual "hello" every now and then, but others have really, really affected me deeply, and all of them for the better. I just want to say thank you.. if you consider me a friend, I am grateful for all the good times and good chats and laughs. Even to those who have left, some of them years ago, who I still miss, even though you might not believe me when I say that.. thank you for leaving me with those memories.

It sounds like I am saying goodbye almost, but I'm not. I've managed to survive for three years.. I think I could last another three at least.

Friday was awesome. We had such a great party.. I love the guys at Starfall, they always, always make me laugh and the times I have had there are definitely amongst the best of my three years.

The changes I have seen in that time have been phenomenal. SL is so, so much better than what it was when I started.. people don't appreciate what it is now.

One of the things that has changed most of course, is me, the avatar. This is how I look today. Tomorrow, I will have changed again and then again and again. I like to think of it as evolution. You'd prolly call it being a fashion whore. :D

Twitter/Heath

2009-10-27T00:44:00.001Z

It seemed easier than writing entire blog posts.

http://twitter.com/Esmiel

Also check out the Heath Blog, for news and updates on SL's coolest new gay hangout.

http://theheathnews.blogspot.com/

Blame Finn for the name of it.

Esmie xXx

Just In Case You Didn't Know...

2009-09-11T10:30:00.002+01:00

Chester's Boycut underwear store is having a sale until the 18th September. He is gonna be closing it after that :[

But, for now we can rejoice! Cos everything there is 10L$ for the next week!

Check it out HERE.

Wow... its the 11th of September. It took me a minute to remember why this date is burned into my brain. Then I remembered. 8 years ago already... wow. I wonder if everyone still remembers or maybe if some people have forgotten already?

Esmie xXx

I Almost Forgot To Give This Post A Title. Phew!

2009-09-06T11:56:00.003+01:00

A'ight.. so.. I guess it is time to post again.

Mysteria is coming along spiffingly. I'd say it is about 90% complete now! Please feel free to visit the magical lost land of a magical people now lost to the world. If you so choose to do so, you might also like to provide me with some feedback. Think something is missing or could be done better? Tell me!

Visit Mysteria.

Oh and I quit my job at Beauty Avatar, cos I was moving in RL and didn't have internet for ages. Well, we had a mobile internet dongle thing, but that isn't real internet. Not the kind you can run SL with. When I finally get back onto SL, I discover everything has gone to shit and the whole grid is collapsing under the weight of ... well ... what? Before I went away, things seemed perfectly fine (for SL)... so what changed? Maybe the new server version or a rat chewing through a cable somewhere has fucked everything up. Lucky we have someone to blame!

Damn you, MICHAEL BAY!

Oh no, wait. He was the one responsible for that dreadful film. You knooooowwww the one I mean.

Damn you, LINDEN LABS!

There. Now I can stop complaining.

Oh yes... I suggest you all go and volunteer some of your free time somewhere. For a charity or something. Because really, it does make you feel great, and its fantastic knowing your time was well spent and appreciated.

Esmie xXx

1 0 0 0

2009-08-17T16:15:00.000+01:00

The other day... saturday, I think... I was 1000 days old.

Shocking, I know.

I look so young... how could I possibly be that old?

Its crazy, insane, ridiculous ...

... yet the Emerald viewer does not lie.

xD

What it DOES do... is make SL everything you'd want it to be.

Not only is it smoother and faster in every way than the standard client, but it has a boatload more options.. such as a rainbow coloured effects beam, client skins, default options for created prims, even an option to make your avatar phantom.

Just try it :P

Well.. I haven't posted on here for quite some time.. again.. I dunno.. sometimes I have nothing to say.. other times there is too much to talk about.. and usually I just can't be bothered.

I now work in SL.. at a store called Beauty Avatar... I do customer service stuff.

YES.. I am one of those jerks who keeps coming up to you and asking if you need help.

Its not a bad job, and is strangely satisfying, especially when they say thank you and you feel like you really helped them.

I decided recently to meet some new people. I noticed alot of the names on my list these days are just.. names. I hardly talk to any of them, and a few of my friends are feeling the same way... there just seems to be a small circle that I actually talk to and an even smaller one who I see av-to-av regularly.

Anyways.. these new people I have met randomly.. there are a few that are actually incredibly wonderful and have quickly become great friends. I know I have let friendships go stale in the past by not talking to them enough.. and I am hoping to avoid it this time.

Ehhh.. what else?

Oh yes.. after graduating and stuff in RL, I have found myself unable to get a job even vaguely relevant to my degree. Which I dont mind too much.. my degree kinda killed physics for me... turned it boring and too difficult. The problem is that I cant find a job doing anything else either :[

Still.. I am sure something will turn up.. always does :D

Esmie xXx

Growing Old is Getting Old

2009-05-27T16:34:00.002+01:00

I've grown up. I can finally, finally say that I am no longer a kid, a teen, a youth. I am an adult. A big, responsible adult in the real world who has to make a living and do important things.

It sucks, but then, it was always going to happen eventually, right?

I got my degree. Four years of work and effort and I come out of uni with a freaking degree. It doesnt seem quite real somehow. It hasn't sunk in yet, and I was told my result a week ago.

I got a third class.

In the world of BSc Honours, thats not too good. In order of awesomeness, classification goes:

1st
2:1
2:2
3rd
Ordinary

However; I am happy, because in the world of well.. the world.. I have a degree; and that in itself is better than most people can manage, and it is definitely something to be proud of.

I might have been able to do better, but everything after the second year was a struggle for me; it took a huge effort to resist just quitting, and there were moments where I questioned the point in it all. Often, my uni friends were the only thing I stayed around for.

My graduation is on June 26th in the afternoon. After that, I am officially a person. A taxpaying member of society. So.. I need a job. My first job ever.

Turns out that a third class degree isn't really good enough to get a place in graduate programs and onto trainee schemes at engineering and physics-y firms. This is somewhat frustrating, but I have found a solution: use the skills I learned in my degree (which are quite numerous) and apply them to other fields. Like.. games testing :D

I just applied for a position as Games Tester, working for Rockstar North, the guys who made the GTA games (among others). They are based here in Edinburgh and are awesome. I hope I get this job, they seem like a totally awesome company to work for - and I dont have many other ideas about what to do lol.

I also joined Facebook. I know.. I'm a bit slow huh? A few SL people have added me on there already, so feel free to IM me in world if you wanna be my friend on Facebook :D

As an extreme response to growing up in RL, I have grown down in SL... I mostly run around in a little kiddy av, aged about 12, now... acting young in SL provides me with an antidote to being old(er) in RL :P.. so now you know why I am only a few feet tall lol

Oh and Growing Old is Getting Old is an awesome song by the awesome Silversun Pickups, and I am listening to it right now. Seemed like a nice and relevant idea for a post title!

Esmie xXx

Politics and Money

2009-05-17T15:43:00.004+01:00

Now, some of you may have heard about the massive argument going on in the UK at the moment - if you live here, you definitely will have done - about the MP expenses claims.

Essentially, every member of parliament (MP) gets to claim expenses for various things. Up until recently, the claims have been kept almost completely hidden from the public, meaning the MPs can get away with spending taxpayer's money on whatever the fuck they want.

Not anymore. Someone has released all the details or someone got hold of them somehow and basically, it is now public knowledge. It seems as if every politician in the entire system is a total asswipe who has taken advantage of the claims system to get loads and loads of money for things like swimming pools and DVD players. The claims are sposed to be for essential home maintenance, repairs, travel costs and like.. important stuff.

Some people are calling for an election so we can kick out the asswipe MPs and put nice new ones in place who haven't been stealing from us. The system, apparently, is also gonna get reformed to try and stop anymore stealing in future. I am hoping the ones who have been stealing - up to thousands of £s in some cases - will get punished properly. They are no better than common criminals.

But - any time you put a system in place, people will abuse it for personal gain. How can you say who will and who won't? How can you elect fresh people to run the country and be sure they aren't gonna turn out to be another cheating bunch of crooks? What the fuck are we gonna do with these MPs, this system? People say - "Oh, I wouldnt make bogus claims at the taxpayer's expense" - but - how can you trust that they wouldnt once the opportunity arises?

How can we fix this?

Remove their expenses claims altogether? Let them use their nice big salaries to pay for all the shit they want, or give them a limited allowance of a few hundred £ a year to pay travel expenses. Maybe not even that. The MPs complain they dont get enough money and they deserve all the extra cash from expense claims and shit. Bollocks. They could try living with just one house and one car, or maybe taking the bus or train to parliament every day. Maybe they could live like normal people and then maybe they can see what things are like for the rest of us and then maybe they will do a better job and earn their salaries.

Esmie xXx

Ahmahgawwwd. Another blog?

2009-05-05T22:00:00.002+01:00

"Half a Monkey" is a new fashion blog Chester and I are starting up.

We wanted to do something simple and fun but also with a point to it. Chester reckons there aren't enough blogs out there that focus on male fashion in SL. Sure, there are lots, some of them excellent, some of them not so excellent, but hey - the world could always use one more, right?

Anyways, the point to this one is in the name. A 'monkey' is old London slang for £500, a 'pony' is £25.. there are others too. We wanted to put a price limit on the items we featured, because.. well.. we did. So it became, after much haggling with each other and researching of money slang history, 250L$ per item - half a monkey. Why?

Because monkeys are awesome.

Ok. So. We decided:

One item per post.

That item will cost 250L$ or less.

At least 1 post per day.

Check back to it regularly, because we will be updating it all the time with new clothing and accessory ideas. I hope you find it helpful and useful - I know Chester and I have relied heavily on blogs for ideas before (him especially :P).

Esmie xXx

Surviving the Apigalypse

2009-05-02T23:12:00.005+01:00

Okay.. we all know that the media has totally overblown this whole swine flu thing, and we are not all gonna die. Right?

WRONG. Thats exactly what they want you to think. They make it seem like it is all hype so that you don't panic. Trust me people.. all this time we were watching the birds... it was the pigs who were quietly biding their time. They have us now. The Apigalypse is upon us.

But fear not.. help is at hand! To keep yourself pure and prevent being tainted by one of the soon-to-be billions of infected, all you need to do is cover your mouth and nose!

The wonderful creators in Second Life clearly foresaw this pandemic occuring and have been producing vast amounts of different styles of nose-and-mouth-coverings (from here-on known as 'masks'), some to suit all wallets, tastes and faces. Here are just a few that I have been stockpiling in preparation for this day.

"::: B@R ::: Mask - White w Hearts"
Creator: June Dion.
Store: Bare Rose.
Pros: Includes a range of colours (inc. black, blue and pink); is cheap and easy to fit.
Cons: Too easy for microbes to get in around the edges.

"Climatix Mask"
Creator: Hern Wosley.
Store: AVZ.
Pros: Particle clouds, changing colour effects, comes with two sizes.
Cons: Makes you look a bit like a wannabe Vader.

"G581 Full Face Gas Mask"
Creator: Khai Sinister.
Store: The Abyss.
Pros: Complete facial protection, very well made.
Cons: Makes you look like a frickin gimp. Gets a bit sweaty.

"Cyber Respirator"
Creator: Krius Misfit.
Store: SiniStyle.
Pros: Lightweight, soft leather straps, looks good.
Cons: Wires may get broken easily; annoying to fit perfectly.

"AD14 Gas Mask (headstraps)"
Creator: Faye Gelfand.
Store: Ambush.
Pros: Colourful; Sound and Particle Effects. Range of strap options.
Cons: Particles look a bit crap. A bit chunky.

"Scorpion Mask"
Creator: Juliet Ceres.
Store: Bitter Thorns.
Pros: Colour changing effects, looks totally badass.
Cons: Could maybe have better texturing on solid parts.

"Bandit Bandana"
Creator: Avant Scofield.
Store: The Good Life.
Pros: Gangsta Style.
Cons: Gangsta Style.

"The Respirator"
Creator: Tonk Tomcat.
Store: TonkTastic.
Pros: A range of (awesome) colours, styles, textures, effects.
Cons: Expensive.

"Ski Mask"
Creator: Christabel North.
Store: 4mc.
Pros: Range of styles; Keeps you warm.
Cons: Screams 'Rapist'.

I may continue this well-researched and highly valuable guide with such choice information as where to find clean food and water, weapons and how to end the suffering of the inflicted permanently.

We will see how things unfold.

~ I felt it important to add that I am not mocking the disease itself - it is clearly quite nasty and people have died from it, and thats horrible; I am mocking the government and media's obsession with it, and the way they are trying to scare us all. It does provide a nice distraction from the economy tho, right?~

Esmie xXx

We All Wanna Be Big Rockstaaaaarrrrrs!

2009-04-30T21:53:00.003+01:00

Two posts today! You lucky people. Cyber Skute was handing out free guitars at the beach so we all had a go at being rockstars for a while =P

From left to right: Cyber Skute, Chopper Wylie, Esmiel Posthorn, Implode Jorda, Shaun Emerald.

Good times at Boots Beach xD

I got made an officer for the Beach Bums group recently.. I was one before for a lil while, I think.. but they put me back down to regular Bum during my lil hiatus at the end of last year. So I had to 'work my way back up through the ranks', so to speak, and now I am Security, DJ and Officer. Awesome.. it feels so good to be part of the team and able to really put something back into this place that's given me so much over the years. Thanks for promoting me, guys! *hugs*

Esmie xXx

Impenetrable Fortress of Awesome!

2009-04-30T10:14:00.006+01:00

Finnegan got me a lovely pillow fort;

Here you can see us playing Candyland, just one of the many included board games. Although Candyland is the only one you can play... and by 'play', I mean 'look at the single prim board and emote doing everything yourself'.

[1:53] Esmiel Posthorn pushes a thing around the board an arbitrary number of squares. "Your go"
[1:53] Esmiel Posthorn: I have no idea how to play this game
[1:53] Finnegan Chesnokov cheats and fudges the dice so they roll the optimal number
[1:53] Esmiel Posthorn: wow! you did... good.. i think
[1:54] Esmiel Posthorn: >_>
[1:54] Esmiel Posthorn: lol
[1:54] Finnegan Chesnokov: yeah ... I am close to winning
[1:54] Finnegan Chesnokov: again
[1:54] Esmiel Posthorn: i dont know how you do it
[1:54] Esmiel Posthorn: amazing
[1:54] Finnegan Chesnokov: I cheat
[1:54] Finnegan Chesnokov: I cheat alot
[1:54] Esmiel Posthorn: well i dont know the rules.. so technically you cant cheat
[1:55] Finnegan Chesnokov: oh yeah .. okay so I declare my self the winner
[1:55] Esmiel Posthorn: damn.. you're good at this
[1:55] Finnegan Chesnokov: yeah .. I am a genius
[1:55] Esmiel Posthorn: i was losing even when playing by myself
[1:55] Finnegan Chesnokov: Oh .. I just rolled the die and drew the snickersnoop card and you have to pay me 1000L
[1:56] Esmiel Posthorn: I only have 712
[1:56] Finnegan Chesnokov: then I get to draw a ziztherzoop card
[1:56] Esmiel Posthorn: right
[1:56] Esmiel Posthorn: and what does it say
[1:57] Finnegan Chesnokov: You have to be my servant
[1:57] Esmiel Posthorn: oh jeeze
[1:57] Esmiel Posthorn: for how long?
[1:57] Finnegan Chesnokov: Lifetime of servitude
[1:57] Esmiel Posthorn sighs
[1:57] Esmiel Posthorn: ok
[1:57] Finnegan Chesnokov: I am not sure if it is my life or yours
[1:57] Esmiel Posthorn: if its on a card that came with a boardgame, it must be law
[1:58] Esmiel Posthorn: well either way.. one of us is in for a fun ride.. the other.. not so much
[1:58] Finnegan Chesnokov: yeah .. every one knows the rules of candyland are higher than international law
[1:58] Esmiel Posthorn: the Geneva convention doesnt apply in Candyland
[1:59] Finnegan Chesnokov: nope ... Candyland has its own version of Guantanamo Bay
[1:59] Finnegan Chesnokov: they candyboard you
[1:59] Esmiel Posthorn: oh so thats what the little mushroom castle is

... at this point I collapsed into giggles and the game ended.

With Swine Flu becoming a world-conquering pandemic of apocalyptic proportions, I am glad I have these pillows, chairs and blankets to shield myself from the airborne plague.

While here I may as well give you some close ups.

Incase you haven't seen it yet, here is me in my new skin, with new hair colour. It makes a nice change to be darker again after having that paler skin for so long. Its one of the new(ish) 'androgynous' Seraphim skins from Zanzo, with the 'Michael' skin shade and the 'Final Heaven' style face tat that you cant really see in the pics. It comes with dark and light eyebrow shades.. but no pubes.

My hair is the 'Coffee - Cappuccino' coloured 'Angst' style from Bryce Designs. They do a great pack that includes a black, red, blonde and brown colour in it for only 200L. This is probably the nicest style there, and I love the sculpted, windswept look.

My eyes are the 'Magicka Mix' from the 'Oni Collection' at The Plastik. The armwarmers are from Aitui. The taped fingers and black nails are from Sinistyle. The pants are the red Fleece pants from Zoobong. The piercings are some basic lil custom ones my friend Easton Parx did for me. If you look very closely at the pic, you can see I have some braces on my teeth. I got them here. I had braces for several years in RL and I hated them and they didnt work at all and it was hell. But I think they look kinda cute on Esmiel :D

This is Finn's "Fae Accountant" look. I love it.. he is so funny and such a great guy. *hugs*

Esmie xXx

Esmiel loves...

2009-04-22T15:11:00.003+01:00

Popsicles.

I calls em "Ice Lollies", but then again, I also call potatoes "dirt apples" so what do I know.

Seriously.. get some, they are awesome. Perfect for the warmer months looming on the horizon, when you'll just be dying for something cool and moist in your mouth.

I have alot of stuff by that creator - she makes some really cool things for a good price. The handcuffs are especially wicked ;]

Silversun Pickups.

My good friend Chester told me about this band's new album recently. The album is called 'Swoon'. It is very good. Very, very, very good. Exceptional. So easy to listen to and yet with just enough little quirks and hooks to get you to want to listen to it again and again. I understand if it is not your sort of thing, but I adore them. Highly recommended.

Chessums has a habit of totally turning my music collection on its head and shaking it about every now and then with a single suggestion. I think it is a good talent and probably his best feature. ;P

Other Bands Right Now:

Metro Station - The self-titled debut album by these guys is brilliant fun. Alot more to it than just the great "Shake It" single.

Infadels - Their album "Universe in Reverse" was a recent addition to my collection. Fabulous stuff.. some very nice, interesting tunes; Track 3, "Play Blind" is probably my favourite.

Delays - Finally got hold of their latest album "Everything's the Rush". Very, very nice band, these guys. Cute, simple tunes - very easy to listen to.

Blink 182 - I just got their "Greatest Hits". All the tunes are brilliant - I dont know why I didnt get this album sooner. Everyone will love at least a couple of songs on it - stuff like "Whats my age again" and "All the small things" are real classics.

The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams.

Poor Douglas (the author of one of my all-time favourite books, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and its sequels) died some time ago, and I was only just made aware of the existence of this book. If you too are a fan of his work, and frankly, everyone who has read anything by him must be, then I suggest you check this book out.

It is half of an unfinished story by Adams about his detective character, Dirk Gently, who I have also just found out about and must find the other books based on him. But the Salmon of Doubt also contains a large amount of little articles, letters, interviews and a lecture written by Adams, and these are all interesting, hilarious and tragic at the same time. They make you realise just how much less brilliant the world is without him.

"The Salmon of Doubt" is published by Pan and the ISBN number is 0-330-32312-1

Themed DJ Sets.

Don't forget, boys and girls... this friday is the themed Finntastic Friday. We have one theme for each DJ, starting at 2pm with my set. I chose Lord of the Rings as my theme - It took me a long time to decide, but this was the right choice, I think. It offers so much variety and possibility - you can be anything from a hobbit to a dragon, a goblin to a wizard, an ent to a ghost. Or even an elf. Or human. Or dwarf. Or nazgul. Or orc - no wait.. no orcs. I'm the orc!

The alternative option running through my mind was a School Uniform theme but that is kinda boring and ordinary. Dehrynn's theme is Superheroes/villains.. I have a lovely Rorshach from Watchmen outfit all lined up for that. Kaj, at 6pm, has a 'Fetish' theme.. and.. well.. if I manage to stay up that late.. I have plenty of outfits for it ;]

There are big prizes available so I suggest you get your asses over to the Wharf on friday =P

Esmie xXx

Not all orcs are evil...

2009-04-19T10:59:00.003+01:00

Some of you may know I occaisionally like to put on an orc skin and be a bit.. well.. different. Not alot of people like the whole "orc look", but its not as if I chose the skin for it's beauty-pagent potential. I wanted to be an orc because 1) Nobody else is and 2) they are freakin cool.

The word 'orc' was first used by J. R. R. Tolkien in his Lord Of The Rings series of books (now movies, in case you didnt know) and has been adopted by various fantasy writers and settings to describe a race of brutal, often evil and sadistic, warlike monsters. Their general appearance and abilities do vary between authors/worlds - everything from Tolkien to WoW, Warhammer, Elder Scrolls and D&D - but they often have green skin and are pretty damn mean.

Mostly, this post is an excuse to show you that pic. I took it on a bright red background and added the background, shading, fire, smoke and blood in Photoshop. Took me about 2 hours.

Usually I play a nice, friendly, peaceful orc - at odds with the rest of my race, I'd rather hug an elf than eat one. Possibly because of my orc's underdeveloped muscles and short height, he isnt one for fighting. Except in that pic. Cos it was fun and something to do.

Read that again.. my orc went out murdering because it was 'fun and something to do'.

Guess he isnt so nice after all =o

Esmie xXx

Happy Secular-Chocolate-Egg-Gathering Holiday

2009-04-13T00:10:00.003+01:00

Now, we all know that Easter is all about Jesus dying and then coming back as a zombie and killing all the Romans by eating their brians. Shame they didnt have shotguns back then huh?

Anyways, I want to know.. and please, somebody please.. explain to me how it turned into a festival of chocolate eggs and bunnies. I mean.. sure.. pagans recognised eggs as a symbol of birth, and then Christians stole it, like they did pretty much every other pagan idea, and used eggs to represent the rebirth of Jesus... As for bunnies.. well.. we all know bunnies are awesomely cute and they seem to appear magically in spring, but then frankly, when isnt a good time of year to cuddle a bunny?

But.. come on.. chocolate?

Like.. maybe I am just jealous cos I didn't get any eggs this year and have to wait to get some in a couple of days time when they all cheap, cos apparently egg-shaped chocolate is like.. dodgy after Easter.. or something.

I'm not religious, in fact, I am pretty much an atheist in terms of a classical view of God and Jesus and the Bible.. its just a book.. Imagine The House At Pooh Corner was written by lots of different authors (not just A.A. Milne) and then a hundred years later some dudes hold aloft a copy of The Pooh Book and said "This is God's instructions for all of us. Oh and by the way, we're the only ones who can read it so do what we tell you" and like.. thats the Bible. Except we'd all worship a big pot of honey.. yum.. Now.. if I had a time machine... >:D

I guess I'm trying to say.. people forget the point in things. Its like Christmas, Halloween, all these holidays... people get carried away with the bullshit and forget what they're really about.

Like this post. >_>

I got carried away. I was just gonna put a link to this on here and ask how long you think it'd take you to eat it? It's chocolate, by the way.. 1,950kg (or 4,299 lbs) of it. Please remember, 22lbs in like.. i dunno.. a day or something... is the lethal dose for a human. Dont attempt anything crazy here, people.

Assuming you ate 11lbs in one day (to avoid totally dying) and then took a day off to recover (i.e. go to the hospital) and then went and ate 11lbs and then took a day off and so on, it'd take a total of 781 days to eat it all. If you share it out with your family, lets say, there are four of you total, its still gonna take 195 days to finish, with that same pattern of one day eating, one day puking.

Is there a point to making a 1,950kg chocolate egg? Maybe.. they wanted to celebrate Jesus and stuff by producing an egg so big only God himself could have laid it. Thats probably it. Right?

Have a very happy Easter holiday, guys.

Esmie xXx

Yay.. more setlists...

2009-03-31T15:59:00.004+01:00

I have sooooo many playlists to post. I am beginning to regret saying I'd do this, as each one takes me a good 20 minutes or so to write out. Perhaps these will be the last unless people actually request that I put them up.

Friday 20/03/09 - Pride Event Special

1. Union of Knives - I Decline
2. Air/Beth Hirsch - Sexy Boy
3. Goldfrapp -Ooh La La
4. Shiny Toy Guns - Poison
5. Innerpartysystem - Last Night In Brooklyn
6. Klaxons - Two Receivers
7. Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch
8. The Bravery - Believe
9. Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire
10. Hellogoodbye - Here (In Your Arms)
11. The Airborne Toxic Event - Something New
12. Black Kids - Look At Me (When I Rock Wichoo)
13. Cute Is What We Aim For - Sweat The Battle Before The Battle Sweats You
14. Doves - Black And White Town
15. Foo Fighters - Everlong
16. Interpol - Slow Hands
17. Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked
18. MGMT - Time To Pretend
19. Fight Like Apes - Lend Me Your Face
20. Linkin Park - Lying From You
21. Prodigy - Omen
22. Muse - Map Of The Problematique
23. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Damn Regret
24. The All-American Rejects - I Wanna
25. The Hives - It Won't Be Long
26. Placebo - Nancy Boy
27. The Offspring - A Lot Like Me
28. Presidents Of The USA - Lump
29. The Pigeon Detectives - I'm Not Sorry
30. Snow Patrol - Half The Fun
31. Pink - So What
32. Smash Mouth - All Star
*This was gonna be the end of my set but Hoaghes was a no show and Finn and I needed to cover for him. So I did an extra half an hour of random stuff and Finn rescued the rest of the slot*
33. Deftones - Hole In The Earth
34. Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit
35. VNV Nation - Testament
36. The Automatic - On The Campaign Trail
37. The Offspring - Trust In You
38. The Afters - The Way You Are
39. The Academy Is... - Rumoured Nights
40. The Boy Least Likely To - Be Gentle With Me
41. Paramore - Misery Business (Live)

I used the start of that setlist as a basis for a spontaneous gig I played at Boots Beach. I cant remember the date.. I did two of them sometime last week. I wont put the setlists up here, its gonna take forever and they weren't especially exciting. I know Chopper wanted to see one of them. If he can tell me which it was then I'll send it to him. :P

Friday 27/03/09

1. Air - Talisman
2. Kings Of Leon - Cold Desert
3. Snow Patrol - Run
4. Cold War Kids - We Used To Vacation
5. White Lies - A Place To Hide
6. Mansun - Wide Open Space
7. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Desecration Smile
8. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Honeybear
9. Union Of Knives - Go Back To School
10. Innerpartysystem - Structure
11. VNV Nation - The Farthest Star
12. MGMT - Pieces Of What
13. Passion Pit - Live To Tell The Tale
14. Blink 182 - I Miss You
15. Tokyo Police Club - Your English Is Good
16. Editors - Bones
17. The Presidents Of The USA - Peaches
18. Milburn - What You Could've Won
19. Cute Is What We Aim For - I Put The 'Metro' In Metronome
20. Smash Mouth - Sister Psychic
21. Foo Fighters - Long Road To Ruin
22. The Airborne Toxic Event - Something New
23. Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
24. Sum 41 - March Of The Dogs
25. Photo Atlas - Red Orange Yellow
26. The All-American Rejects - Believe
27. The Hives - Hey Little World
28. The Offspring - Takes Me Nowhere
29. Kanye West/Daft Punk - Stronger
30. Shiny Toy Guns - Ghost Town
31. The Subways - Shake! Shake!
32. Saosin - Come Close
33. Supergrass - Alright

That night was quite a fun one, even though the fairly small crowd was composed almost entirely out of people I bullied into coming via IM.

This friday coming (April 3rd), my set will be at 2pm SL time - thats 10pm in the UK and 5pm for the eastern USA.

Hopefully it means a few more people will be able to come along.

For the Finntastic Fridays (the third friday of every month, I think), I will be going back to 12pm. It works.

I will try and post about some more interesting things rather than just my playlists this week. Perhaps we can have another go at melting your brains?

Esmie xXx

Heeeeeeeeaaadaaaaaah and Paaaaiiiiiiiiiin

2009-03-24T13:22:00.003Z

Yeh I know, the old Header for my blog sucked major bawz in the worst possible way. I mean.. the pic was good but;

1) I dont look like that anymore
2) The text was shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

What was I thinkin?

Anyways, here is a brand spankin new header =D

Much nicer, I am sure you will agree.

Sorry for not posting at all in the past few days, I am incredibly ill and have a creative capacity roughly equal to that of an earthworm. I just suddenly had an idea for the header so got that over and done with. I was so sick of the old one! lol

My illness has affected alot more than just my blogging abilities; my final project for uni involves giving a 10 or 12 minute presentation in the form of powerpoint slides to a group of lecturers and fellow students. As I've had this illness since last friday (its been getting progressively worse - symptoms include sore throat, coughing, mild ear ache, running nose, violent bouts of shivering, some kind of feverish temperature balls up and aching muscles), I seem to have not done very muchin the way of preparation for this presentation. Honestly, being able to talk without it hurting would be nice right now :/

So I had to get it moved to friday, and that might change to next monday if I dont get any better - the earliest appointment I could get with the doctor was next tuesday afternoon. Whats the betting it clears up tuesday morning? *sigh*

I'll put my friday playlist up here and my impromptu setlist from the beach on sunday afternoon at some point when I feel like it.

Esmie xXx

Everything In The Universe

2009-03-19T15:57:00.002Z

As I near the end of my time at university - almost 4 years done already! - we seem to only just be starting to study the most interesting topics. Several of these concepts have captured my imagination quite unlike anything else in the past few years, and I'd like to share a few with you now.

I have tried to simplify the terms and content as much as possible. I didn't want to attempt to copy out my notes from my lectures here, 1) cos that would be boring and long and 2) I like to explain things my own way. If anything needs clarification, please just ask and I will be happy to explain.

Our "Remote Sensing" module began with discussing how to analyse imaging from satellites; how you build a camera for a satellite, and how you transmit the data back to Earth. Most imaging satellites use a camera for studying our planet; they can tell the difference between unhealthy and healthy crops, and not just due to the colour.

"Light", or electromagnetic radiation, exists in many different frequencies or wavelengths; Visible light is only a small part of the entire spectrum. You can see how the colour along the frequency bar changes - the rainbow bit in the middle is visible light, the stuff we use to see. Ultra Violet (UV) light is a lower wavelength and a higher frequency than the visible light, and this is the stuff that gives you a tan. You see how it is blocked by the Earth's atmosphere? If the Ozone layer vanishes, the part blocking the UV part of the spectrum will also go and we'll all have lovely tans. Or skin cancer.

On the other side of the visible light is Infra Red (IR), and this is the key to how a satellite can tell if crops or plants are healthy or not. Water absorbs IR, and plant leaves are full of water; they have fleshy areas or 'tanks' inside them that store it. When the satellite looks at the plants using a camera that sees in the IR range of the spectrum, it can tell, by how much of the IR is being absorbed, how much water is in the leaves. More water = healthier!

As an aside: as the wavelength of the radiation decreases, the energy it carries increases. Gamma rays, way out there at the end, with a wavelength of 10^-12 or 0.000000000001 (or similar) metres have an insane amount of energy. They are used for killing things during irradiation, and your skin will not stop them; the ray passes right through you, dumping its energy into your cells and fucking them (and you) up big time. The idea of a star-sized Gamma Ray Burst hitting Earth is something I generally try not to think about.

Fascinating, I am sure you will agree. In order to image something like that those crops and plants, a satellite needs a big mirror (or lens) to focus what it can see. Mirrors are used because they're a bit cheaper and easier to deal with than lenses - plus, they are alot lighter in weight. Think about the heaviest part of a normal mirror - its the glass! Metal can be made into very fine, highly reflective sheets and these are used in satellites. For a satellite a few hundred kilometres above the Earth's surface, it needs a mirror a metre or so across to see a tree.

During the cold war, it was claimed American satellites could read the headlines of newspapers in Moscow. For this to be true, the mirror would have to be over 5 metres across, or the satellite would be in such a low orbit that it would be unsustainable and fall to Earth. The largest mirror on any satellite is about 2 metres across.. that we know about. Its not like the data stream is in real time anyway. You can only download data from a satellite when it is over a certain location on the Earth - namely your receiver thing on the ground - and it will pass that spot every few days or so if the satellite is in standard polar orbit.

So, live satellite video feeds like you see in the movies are very hard to get to work, unless the satellite is in geo-stationary orbit (stays above the same spot and moves with the Earth) and only takes video of the same few hundred square miles all the freakin time. In the middle of which would be your data receiver.

Another module we had was "Statistical, Nuclear and Particle Physics". Most of this was very boring and made me want to cry. However, the particle aspect of things was very interesting.

Imagine the biggest thing in the Universe - a cluster of galaxies. This is made up of galaxies (durh) which are made up of gas and stars and planets. All of these objects, and everything in or on them - including you, your neighbour, your toilet, your car, your family, your friends, your enemies, your pet cat, your lunch and your dinner and your breakfast and those little mid-morning snacks, your pants and your shirt and your hair and your eyes and your teeth and even your ass are all composed of molecules. You may have known this already. Each molecule is made up of atoms, and atoms are made up of a nucleus and electrons. The electrons surround the nucleus, which is a bundle of things called protons and neutrons.

Most people are familiar with these concepts. It gets crazier. Protons and neutrons are known as baryons which is a type of hadron. A hadron is made up of 3 quarks which come in six 'flavours' - up, down, top, bottom, strange and charm; and three different 'colours' - red, green and blue. Dont ask me who named them things like 'strange' cos I have no idea. Electrons are known as leptons. Muon and tau particles are also part of the lepton family, and you also have the neutrino versions of each - electron neutrino, muon neutrino, tau neutrino.

Now, each of these quarks and leptons also has an ANTIPARTICLE, which is basically its exact opposite - do not think that top is the opposite of bottom or that up and down are opposites; they are not. When an antiparticle meets its relevant particle version, they are both completely annihilated and lots of energy comes out. Luckily, there are not that many antiparticles around, as they generally bump into something and get destroyed pretty quick. Who knows how often this happens inside your own body?

Quarks and Leptons interact through forces which can be seen as an exchange of particles; if you throw a ball to your friend, you put force on the ball that then gives the force to your friend. You and your friend are quarks, the ball is the exchange particle, otherwise known as a 'gauge boson'.

The Higgs-boson particle, which some of you may have heard of, and the discovery of which is one of the ultimate goals of the Large Hadron Collider, which I am sure everyone has heard of, is a theoretical particle that explains part of these gauge bosons' behaviour. Particles have to have mass, even gauge boson particles, and there are two of these particles, known as W and Z particles that wouldn't have mass unless the Higgs boson exists. Or something.

Okay, I'm kinda tired now lol hopefully you found some of that vaguely interesting.. there is lots more stuff out there to research.. most of it can be found on wikipedia, and thats a great place to start reading about the basics behind these incredibly complex ideas.

I guess lastly, I just want to try and explain what it is like, seeing the world through the eyes of a physicist. To me, we are all completely identical yet utterly unique at the same time; regardless of race, nationality, sex, age, weight, religion - we are all the result of the same endless interactions between these tiny, tiny particles - and yet, we are all different because all those interactions turned out with different results. Which means we are all the same and yet special in our own way.

As for afterlife concepts such as Heaven and Hell or reincarnation, my belief is that there is something even more beautiful taking place right now. Those atoms your body is made from - they have been around since the start of the universe - maybe not in that form but in some way - and everything around us is made of the same; we are all made of each other, and it goes back billions and billions of years.

It will carry on for billions and billions of years too, because until the Universe ends, the atoms of your body will be re-used over and over in countless other people or animals or stars or planets or absolutely anything imaginable or even maybe, if some theories of the universe are true, the thousandth atom down from the tip of your left pinky might someday be part of your pinky again, at exactly the same time and place and everything.

Physics is cool sometimes huh?

Esmie xXx

Playlists

2009-03-15T18:59:00.000Z

Friday 06/03/09 Playlist

1. The Stone Roses - She Bangs The Drums
2. McFly - Lies
3. Nada Surf - Always Love
4. The Afters - The Way You Are
5. The Airborne Toxic Event - Innocence
6. Deftones - Beware
7. Apocalyptica - I Don't Care
8. Armor For Sleep - End Of The World
9. Linkin Park - Don't Stay
10. The Cure - Friday I'm In Love
11. Black Kids - Partie Traumatic
12. Delays - Too Much In Your Life
13. Fight Like Apes - I'm Beginning To Think You Prefer Beverly Hills 90210 To Me
14. Hellogoodbye - All Of Your Love
15. The Hives - Square One Here I Come
16. MGMT - The Handshake
17. The Charlatans - The Only One I Know
18. Michael Jackson - Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (SAM skipped this one for some reason)
19. Placebo - Every You Every Me
20. Muse - Assassin
21. Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked (Request by Puerilis Jameson)
22. The Offspring - Trust In You
23. Nickelback - Fight For All The Wrong Reasons
24. Orgy - Blue Monday (Cover of New Order)
25. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Step Right Up
26. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Parallel Universe
27. The Ting Tings - Fruit Machine
28. White Lies - The Price Of Love
29. Shiny Toy Guns - Blown Away
30. VNV Nation - Testament
31. Prodigy - Invaders Must Die
32. CSS - Music Is My Hot Hot Sex
33. Supergrass - Alright

The playlist above was my big 'first night' with my new mic headset, and it went really, really well. Its kinda creepy the way people kept going on about my voice :s but SAM worked flawlessly, and everything was awesome, people really seemed to enjoy it :D

Friday 13/03/09

1. Kings Of Leon - Closer
2. Foo Fighters - Halo
3. Black Kids - I've Underestimated My Charm (Again)
4. Delays - Valentine
5. The Hives - You Got It All.. Wrong
6. Kiss - Rock And Roll All Night
7. McFly - I Kissed A Girl
8. Innerpartysystem - Heart Of Fire
9. Passion Pit - Live To Tell The Tale
10. The Afters - Beautiful Love
11. OneRepublic - Say (All I Need)
12. Morning Runner - Burning Benches
13. Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger
14. White Lies - Death
15. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot (Requested by Nebula Hissop)
16. The Killers - Bones (Requested by Chopper Wylie)
17. The Subways - I Won't Let You Down
18. MGMT - Kids
19. Suede - Beautiful Ones
20. The Rakes - We Danced Together
21. The Airborne Toxic Event - Happiness Is Overrated
22. The Offspring - Trust In You
23. Pendulum - Violet Hill
24. White Rose Movement - Alsatian
25. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside
26. Linkin Park - Faint
27. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Step Right Up
28. Taking Back Sunday - What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost
29. Ash - Girl From Mars
30. Air/Beth Hirsch - Sexy Boy
31. The Beatles - Help!
*This was supposed to be the end of the set, but as Hoaghes was away and I started an hour late, I played an extra half an hour to cover him. Dehrynn started a half hour early to cover the rest - and I finally got to hear a bit of his set! It was only half a song but at least I heard him say goodbye on mic XD*
32. Cute Is What We Aim For - Newport Living
33. Biffy Clyro - Machines
34. Blink 182 - I Miss You
35. The Strokes - Heart In A Cage
36. Disturbed - This Moment
37. The Used - Pretty Handsome Awkward
38. Shiny Toy Guns - Ricochet!
39. Foo Fighters - All My Life (Live Version)

So, thats me up to date with my playlists. If you guys missed my set, feel free to build it yourself and see what you missed out on. Of course, you also missed my little introductions and random "voice-bits" I did on mic, but those are a once in a lifetime event. You miss em and thats it :P

Esmie xXx

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2009-03-13T18:49:00.003Z

Okay.. I logged out to do some dishes in RL, after finishing building my set for DJing later. Just before I log, I notice SL time has changed to PDT!!! Soooo... SL noon is now 7pm my time, rather than 8pm. No problem.. I am ready. I am prepared. I can be there.

No I can't. Because they have disabled logins! SO NOW I CANT GET BACK IN BUT THERE ARE STILL 78,307 ONLINE, WTF IS GOING ON OMFG!!!!!111!!!!1111111!

Hurry up, Linden, and fix things. If worst comes to the worst, hopefully people wont notice the whole PDT switch (not many of my fellow Wharfies are from that end of the world) and I can start my set at 8 my time/1pm SL time and nobody will be any the wiser. I'll just have to get on when I can I spose u___u

Esmie xXx

Watchmen Review

2009-03-12T13:42:00.006Z

Its a pretty big movie right now, and I am sure many of you have seen it, but if you haven't, I would suggest that you check it out - it is definitely worth a look.

The film is based on the graphic novel of the same name, and is very, very different from your average superhero movie - not only is it bloody, graphic and dark, but it also has alot of deep background story, involving everything from rape to butchered children. Its definitely not for people who are the least bit squeamish, as there are parts where people explode and stuff... I found some of it quite funny, but not everyone has a sense of humour as dark as mine.

The deep background means there are alot of flashbacks to explain the way characters feel about one another, their relationships and histories, etc. I dont feel that all of it is entirely necessary, but then again, the film didn't lose anything for being so deep, and it would have lost alot of it's charm if these sections hadn't been included.

Watchmen takes place in an alternative reality, where it is the year 1985, and Richard Nixon has been elected for a third term as president of the US. The cold war with Soviet Russia is about to reach boiling point and everyone believes the world is on the brink of nuclear annhilation.

In this alternative reality, you have masked superheroes and supervillains, with names like Miss Jupiter, The Comedian, stuff like that. They don't have Superman style, reality-bending powers, but they just seem to be a little faster, stronger and smarter than average people. Oh hang on.. maybe one of them is a little bit special:

Say hello to Dr. Manhattan, a blue physicist who spends most of his time butt naked.

He is totally naked... alot... and... yes you do get to see his doodle. He could take Superman apart for lunch, then have every other comic book superhero or villain for dessert... if only he could be bothered. His list of abilities include:

Seeing all of time at once
Being able to grow to Godzilla size
Rearrange matter at will, with his mind
Be able to have multiple copies of himself. At one point he puts this ability to excellent use
Able to make himself incorporeal at will
Teleportation
Making people explode

There are more, too... he is somewhat gifted, even by comic book standards... and he isn't even the main character.

Everyone's favourite protagonist has to be Rorshach, who is basically an insane, twisted nutcase with a really funky psychological inkblot mask and little in the way of actual powers, apart from being able to make everything he does seem like the coolest thing ever.

There are so few decent screengrabs available.. but at least the original graphic novel can fill in well enough :D

There are other characters... but those two are the coolest, and I dont wanna spoil everything for you people. You'll find out when you watch the movie. Which you will do. Because:

Reasons to see Watchmen:

1) Its well written - great dialogue, some very quotable lines
2) Its well directed - the action scenes are beautiful, great camera work all over
3) Its well produced - very slick style, oozing with class
4) The soundtrack kicks ass - some awesome 80's tunes
5) The characters are cool - Rorshach's no compromise anti-hero is fantastic
6) It follows the ideas of the graphic novel closely - it keeps alot of the history
7) It has a big blue penis in it - yay!

Reasons not to see Watchmen:

1) It may be too gory - exploding people may upset you if you are a little girl
2) Its a bit long - two and a half hours

Overall:

Definitely worth a look, is especially impressive on the big screen.. wont be nearly so good on DVD, so catch it while its out in the cinema!

Esmie xXx

Woah!

2009-03-10T19:35:00.000Z

I'm like.. 22 years old!

I dont feel older. I dont feel like this was a proper birthday.. you knew, when you were a kid, that your birthday was coming and you got all exicted and tense and stuff.. doesn't happen to me anymore. Probably cos I have no surprise presents waiting for me. I dont ask for things anymore... I dont want or need anything that can be bought as a present or just wished into existance. You know.. things like pass grades on exams. World Peace. That sort of shit.

Thank you, everyone, for all the little messages and wishes and gifts... it really brought a big, big smile to my face :D

I cant wait to see what this year of my life brings... this will be 'the year of doing important things'. Should be equally terrifying and exciting.

Yeah, my voice went down quite well on friday, I spose. It went perfectly, in terms of the technical side of things... apart from one song not playing. I love SAM Broadcaster.. such an advanced piece of software compared to Winamp - not that Winamp is bad (I still use it to build my playlists), just that SAM is much, much better for this purpose. I am going to try and learn to use it more effectively for future shows - putting in more room for talking, as you all seem to like that for some reason :P

I will post my playlist from last friday up here another time, as I cant really be bothered right now lol

Esmie xXx

Free Shit

2009-03-06T18:35:00.004Z

I found the BEST freebie store today. I'm not normally one for freebies, unlike some people.. but this store does things you'd actually wear :O

Like...

Everything in these images was free... beanie/hair, shirt, jeans, shoes... and skin.

Beanie/hair comes in three colours... white, grey, and dark (black, basically)

The skin is actually just as good as any you might pay for... there are a few there but I picked out the Androgynous style one, because it looked the cutest. Came with a shape too, but the less said about that the better xD

The pics here show a tiny fraction of what you can pick up there. I suggest you go check it out.

Maschienenwerk

While I am here, I may as well tell you how fucking unbelievably nervous I am about my DJ gig tonight with my new mic. Spent a good hour today pissing about with Chester learning how to use SAM Broadcaster and trying to get the mic working.. but it does.. and tonight should be great :D

If I don't fuck up.

Esmie xXx

Waiting can be fun!

2009-03-04T10:23:00.004Z

Chester was banging on about lucky chairs on his blog, and how he dragged me along to wait for the school uniform at the Sera Korea one. I was there for a lil while.. then left.. then went back when 'E' finally came up. Then it came up again. And then again. I didn't bother grabbing it the third time as Easton was sposed to be coming to get it. He was busy playing Zyngo apparently... damn that game...

Anyways, for the brief time I left, I decided to transform into my werewolf, purely because I dont use the av very much and it cost me quite alot. So I was in were-form when I got tp'd back and Ches got me to give him a piggy-back while we stood around waiting for poor Aristoteles to get his copy of the uniform. He'd been there about 4 hours :/

Was actually a very fun time, standing around bitching at people who were afk when their letter came up, tp'ing in random peeps and making them race for the chair... was certainly a good way to spend a couple of hours :D

So yeah, I just felt like sharing this pic. Its kinda cute in a 'Beauty and the Beast'-type-thing-kinda-way. I think so anyways. I'm the cuddly, hugging type of werewolf, not the bitey, scratchy kind :D

As for Chester... I dunno if I have ever said how I really feel about him on here. This is gonna be embaressing cos he reads this...

But he is actually quite an awesome person and a fantastic friend.

There I said it. Now fuck off.

Esmie xXx

Esmie Can Has Mic!!!

2009-03-03T14:20:00.005Z

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

It arrived.

Look at my stupid face xD

I had to get my housie to take the pic cos my hands were shaking from the excitement. Probably :P

Yeah, these are Sennheiser PC 350's and they fucking rock.

They are a birthday present (I'm 22 next tuesday!?!?!?!) from a very special and generous guy. I can't say thank you enough.

Esmie xXx

*EDIT* Yes, that is the real me, in case you didn't ever see me before. HI *waves*

Oh, and sorry about the hair... I am growing it out and I usually wear a beanie to cover it but my friends made me give that up for lent.

FedEx rant & Playlist from Friday 27/02/09

2009-03-01T11:09:00.003Z

I'm still waiting on my headset... It was delivered on tuesday but nobody was in. I phoned on wednesday and asked them to redeliver on friday. I waited in all day and nothing. Friday night I look up the tracking info online and it was apparently delivered on thursday - and I was in all day then too, and heard nothing. So the driver has obviously been a TOTAL CUNT, cos when I phoned up saturday morning to ask where the FUCK my package was, the nice lady said that what the driver wrote down on his report 'Didn't make sense' and that she would 'ask him about it on monday morning' and then phone me back.

Sooo.. ya. FEDEX CAN FUCK OFF TO HELL AND BURN FOR ETERNITY. Except the nice phone lady. Spare her.

Was a quiet friday :(

1. Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
2. The Decemberists - The Crane Wife 3
3. The Airborne Toxic Event - This Nowhere
4. White Lies - E.S.T.
5. Union Of Knives - Evil Has Never
6. Innerpartysystem - Structure
7. Deftones - Cherry Waves
8. VNV Nation - Testament
9. Hellogoodbye - Two Weeks In Hawaii
10. Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
11. Santogold - L.E.S. Artistes
12. Delays - Wanderlust
13. The Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You
14. Foo Fighters - My Hero
15. Cute Is What We Aim For - The Fourth Drink Instinct
16. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Especially In Michigan
17. Interpol - Slow Hands
18. The Hives - It Won't Be Long
19. The Pigeon Detectives - I'm Not Gonna Take This
20. Fight Like Apes - Jake Summers
21. Ash - Girl From Mars
22. The Offspring - Half-Truism
23. Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire (Requested by Jflo)
24. Apocalyptica - I'm Not Jesus
25. Linkin Park - Wth You
26. Shiny Toy Guns - Ricochet!
27. Rise Against - Prayer Of The Refugee
28. Prodigy - Thunder
29. Pendulum - Propane Nightmares
30. Flight Of The Conchords - Robots

You can compare this with last week and see how many tunes I re-used, and how often I play the same bands... My music collection isn't very varied, but I do try and keep things at least vaguely enjoyable and interesting. I hope other people find it so.

I'm also extremely happy Dehrynn has been made manager at the Wharf - at last we have someone competent in charge :D

Esmie xXx

Stream URL

2009-02-25T09:08:00.001Z

Ok.. if you click this, then it should take you to a Shoutcast page via which you can listen to my shizzle. Some of the other DJs use this stream too, I know Hoaghes and Chester do. So tune in fridays from noon SL time/8pm GMT to hear me or any other time to hear the random shit we occaisionally play :D

http://81.169.178.84:10000

Esmie xXx

Heeeey, Mr. DeeJaaaaay... put a record on...

2009-02-22T10:49:00.006Z

... I wanna dance with mah baaabyyyyyy.

The only Madonna song I like. To be a good DJ, you need to play good music. Although that sounds simple, actually having enough music to make your sets varied whilst still maintaining the quality can be extremely tricky. I only have about 3,000 songs - and that is not alot, considering roughly a third of them I don't consider the right sort of thing to play in a set on friday nights. So that leaves me with 2,000 available tunes for use.

Some people's music libraries contain ten times this amount - I think that the more songs you have, then it becomes equally harder and easier to DJ. Think about it... you have to sort through ten times the amount of songs, only picking out good stuff, yet at the same time, you have alot more choice so each of your sets can be totally unique.

Now that I have an earlier slot on fridays, I can play some slightly more laid back stuff, as not everyone is gonna be in a party mood at that time. Hell.. its 3pm for the East coast of the US lol so most of the people who turn up are from Europe, where it is at least 8pm.. so warming up the crowd for a long and fun friday night is an important job. I seemed to do okay last friday... my slightly subdued set seemed to go down well.

I just thought up a brilliant idea. Imma post my set lists on my blog!

Friday 20/02/09

1. Kings of Leon - Closer
2. Muse - Starlight
3. The Airborne Toxic Event - Does This Mean You're Moving On?
4. Cold War Kids - Hang Me Up To Dry
5. The Killers - When You Were Young
6. Fight Like Apes - Tie Me Up With Jackets
7. Foo Fighters - Disenchanted Lullaby
8. Innerpartysystem - Structure
9. VNV Nation - Testament
10. Black Kids - I Wanna Be Your Limousine
11. Interpol - C'mere
12. Battle - Beautiful Dynasty
13. Coldplay - Violet Hill
14. Placebo - Pure Morning
15. Biffy Clyro - Get Fucked Stud
16. Death Cab For Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved
17. Blackbud - Heartbeat
18. Incubus - Dig
19. Saosin - You're Not Alone
20. White Rose Movement - Love Is A Number
21. Shiny Toy Guns - Ghost Town
22. Tokyo Police Club - Tessellate
23. Hellogoodbye - Here (In Your Arms)
24. White Lies - Farewell To The Fairground
25. The Offspring - Fix You
26. The Automatic - Lost At Home
27. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Turn Into
28. The Hives - It Won't Be Long
29. Snow Patrol - Tiny Little Fractures
30. Cute Is What We Aim For - The Curse Of Curves
31. The Decemberists - 16 Military Wives
32. Milburn - What About Next Time?
33. MGMT - Kids (Soulwax Remix)
34. Hellogoodbye - Touchdown Turnaround (Don't Give Up On Me)

So.. there ya go. Originally I was gonna post up some details of the latest albums and stuff I have got hold of... but all the artists are included in there. I know the songs appear on the DJ board as I play em, but this is for those of you who may have missed the set and want to see what you could be listening to on a friday afternoon/evening/night. Alternatively, if you were there but didnt see the board and are thinking.. however unlikely this may be... "Oooohhhhh Esmi played a song that was awesome but I cant remember what it was called, now its stuck in my head and I have to find it!!!".. it is here on this list, you can probably find it quite easily. There... I've done my good deed for the day.

Esmie xXx

300 posts.. and so what?

2009-02-21T11:46:00.004Z

We made it to 300 posts; I was going to do something special but I really cannot think of anything... so fuck it; this is a boring, pointless post just like all the rest *grin*

Scotland's weather seems to have returned to normal after all the snow.. i.e. cold, wet and windy, which is reassuring as everything else seems to have returned to normal too. Things like me having 5 weeks to do my big, final project report for uni only to leave it and then rush it during the last week. I seem to do that alot with things :/

However, despite my procrastination, I got it done! It actually came out pretty good and I got it handed in easily on time. If anybody would like to see a copy, I can email it to ya... its not particularly impressive but if you'd like to see details of what I've been doing the past few months then I'd be happy to send it on.

Chester and Finnegan both have blogs now - they look quite promising and both of them have a great sense of humour.. well.. kinda.. sorta.. I spose they should both be a fun read. Probably.

Speaking of Chester, the little fucker stole my skin.. now he looks like my younger, cuter brother or something.. which really pisses me off.. but.. meh.. one more hot guy to look at in the world, who can complain?

The Wharf has changed schedules for friday nights - Finntastic Friday starts at noon SL time now - thats 8pm GMT, and it is me who kicks things off. It went pretty good last night.. had a nice, fun crowd. I do need a new host tho, as Dehrynn is at work at that time or something.. I'm not really sure who to go for, but Finn has promised he will find me someone who is both cute and funny - obviously the two most important things to look for in a host.

Soo.. mostly things are just pretty average I spose.. nuthin too special going on. Apart from me making it to 300 posts on my blog, baby! WOOT! lol I wonder how lame my 400th post will be :P
My general look changes daily but here is a rough idea of how I look at the moment.

Yeh... I know. I'm a poser. Sue me. <3

Esmie xXx

The White Stuffs.

2009-02-02T12:39:00.003Z

Thats the view from my front(or back.. never worked out which way round the house actually is) door. Damn, I love snow. Its sooooo beautiful. Glittering ice crystals basking in the pale winter sun, there really is something quite magical about it.

I especially love the way it gives me an excuse to skip classes; My housie refused to drive in the blizzard this morning, and no fucking way was I going to stand around waiting for a bus - even if they were running on time - or at all.

Most of Britain has been blasted by snow today; we seem to have a wonderful inability to deal with these tiny fluffy ice crystals. The entire country grinds to a standstill whilst people bitch and moan about the cold. True, we dont live in say... Canada...

...where it snows all year round, gets to like 100ft deep* and people are used to it; but at least we should be prepared for it - its gonna happen sometime, people! It always seems to sneak up on us despite the two or three days' warning, giving us a nasty ice wedgy before leaving the authorities floundering around with gritters and salt thingies and shovels. Its hilarious xP

I'm not really complaining. I live in what you might call a semi-rural area and I'm glad they didnt bother gritting the roads properly, cos I dont drive or desperately need to go anywhere, and it gets me out of uni :D

But think about all those people who need to get to work or to hospital or whatever in a rush. Must suck for them :(

Esmie xXx

*May be an exaggeration.

NameTrick

2009-01-23T09:17:00.005Z

Now, some of you may remember my post some time ago about not being the only 'Esmiel' in Second Life. Here is a link, just incase you would like to go check out that particular drama-queen rant; Holy hell that was well over a year ago!

Anyways, the reason I am referring you to that post is because yesterday, I did a check to see if Esmiel Baroque was still around. He is. AND he IM'd me last night while I was offline.

Imagine my surprise when I found this in my email inbox this morning:

[19:28] Esmiel Baroque: go back where you come/
      you need leave forest for trees/boom boom BOOM!

I really, really hope he didn't take my rant too seriously, because who am I to say what names can and cannot be used? Linden Labs? No sir! lol

What this post is really about, and what that all links quite nicely to, is the new craze that has gripped parts of SL - Only having one name on display (i.e. making your last name disappear) through the use of a clever group tag. The group is called 'NameTrick' and it used to cost 50L to join - or, it did until yesterday when they made it free. Apparently, Linden Labs are going to crack down on this 'bug' very soon, although I think they should spend their time chasing much more worthwile causes - how much damage is a person with only one name on display doing to the system anyway?

Here is what you need to do:

Join NameTrick
Activate the tag in an old server version region (Serenus Prime is one; there are archived group notices with LMs to others)
Then bask in the glory of having only one name and a little '<3' above it

*UPDATE* Linden Labs have made the vanishing last name thing an offical bug or something.. so the tag doesn't work anymore... so... that sucks. Thanks, Lindens. Why do we need two names on display all the time anyway?

Esmie xXx

Revival

2009-01-17T13:52:00.004Z

Ok. This blog is undergoing a few changes at the moment. I disposed of the Links box.. cos half of them were broken and the other half were never updated. I know I'm one to talk, but hey - we're streamlining here!

I didnt want to delete just one or two and leave the rest so I got rid of them allll! Mwahahaha. I got rid of the retarded 'Classic one-liner' box too cos, frankly, I cant be bothered updating it and nor do I say anything that could really be determined as 'classic'.

I doubt anything else needs to vanish. I might try doing some fancy stuff with backgrounds and borders and things but I really cannot be bothered. I think it looks alright as is - you got a new header, what more d'ya want from me? D:

If you readers have any suggestions... I think you know where to send them by now lol.

Other news... the Finntastic Friday at the Wharf last night was fuckin brilliant - well, what I saw of it was, anyway. I am sure Dehrynn did a great job on his debut set, I wish I could have been around at 6am my time to see him. He hosted well during my set too, was happy when he offered to do it :D

As for DJ Doug, I dont know him and have never go the chance to see him so I cant comment. However, I reckon he must be pretty good to be included in this line up :P

Hoaghes and Kaj were both great.. they always are :D and I loved what I heard of their sets. It really is the best friday night you could hope for in SL... and if you'd rather sit at home twiddling your thumbs, then I feel sorry for you :P

Esmie xXx

Lookin' Good?

2009-01-13T18:56:00.003Z

Gots myself a new, more comfortable look. A real departure from my old style but somehow this is just a little bit more... "me" I spose. Updated the header for the blog if ya didn't notice (lol) complete with the sparkly new me. Any comments? You know where to leave em :D

I'm planning on updating Flickr with a ton of new images.. some nice ones of fond memories and some of the new me too.. I'll see what I can get around to.

Well, 2009 is off to a good start on this blog. Two posts already, you lucky people... I actually intend to update this thing alot more often than previously.. I have more to talk about these days, I guess. Hopefully my reader base hasn't diminished too much... some of the conversations and discussions that went on in the comments were really quite fun and I've missed em. Perhaps I can think up some more interesting and controversial things to post about...

Esmie xXx

The Not-so-Wonderful Return of Esmiel

2009-01-12T17:25:00.002Z

Yes, if you didn't know already, I'm back to SL. It took me a while to think about it, and it took me even longer to make sure it was the right thing to do, but I finally figured out what needed to change in my SL for the balance between the virtual and the real to be restored. I had to end my relationship with Nicholai. Now, ending something like that was hard. It was made harder still by the fact I love him and care about him deeply, and have done ever since we met. It was even harder because I know how much he needs Esmiel..

So, it wasn't easy for me to say and I imagine it was much, much harder for him to hear. I hope he understands that the reason I ended our relationship was because I had no choice but to be selfish. I've been around for him as much as I possibly can over the last year or so, and it was the obligation to be there for him that meant I was on SL as much as possible and that I found it hard to leave.

I couldn't go on being with him, because I couldn't cope with his needs I guess - I would have been able to if I didn't have another life and partner to be with, but that isn't the case. I tried to figure out alternatives to leaving Nic, but they all ended up with me leaving SL anyway.. and then he'd have nobody there. The way I thought it would go was that we'd remain friends and he'd be able to find someone else who could care for him in SL, if he wanted, and when he was ready, he could leave SL and do whatever he wanted.

Unfortunately, he doesn't want to remain in Second Life and will be leaving there soon. I hope we will remain friends through contact on MSN, as I have always said to him.. I wont abandon or forget him, and he has to put up with me caring for him for as long as I can.. because he needs it, and because I want to help him.

So thats the end of my relationships on SL. No more. Never again. I said that once before but this time I mean it - because I dont need one there, and it would only end in pain eventually anyways.

I've spent the last two days sorting my inventory after Nicholai dumped most of his stuff on me in preparation for leaving. I'm probably going to move out of the CNDG land as well.. I'll leave the landscaping or take it, depending on what they want. At the moment I'm hanging out at Chester's new house.. sleeping on his couch as you might say. We've put together a cool place to hang out.. just loads of cushions, couches and beanbags - and giant donut seats from Akeyo :D - and everyone is welcome anytime. I'll try putting a SLURL in here soon.

Ta-ta for now ;D

Esmie xXx

Okay Okay...

2008-12-12T20:09:00.002Z

... guess I should put something new on here.

Well.. Some of you may know I recently took a bit of a break from SL.. My aim is to try and find other things to do with my time, rather than rely on an extremely addictive and unhealthy virtual environment for kicks. Apparently being on SL made me a different person in the real world. I was rude and a bit a of a prick it seems - especially when someone tried to take me away from my oh-so-important second life to do something in the real world.

Anyways. The real world is the important one and so I think its time to focus on that. I will return to SL in the new year and, depending on how things have been without it, either quit for good or stay on as before. I'm not sure which way I want things to go. To be able to have a decent time without SL would be great.. but I do miss it. Alot. It's not always easy to find something else to do.

So, yeah. I'm gone for a while, I figured leaving on my second SL birthday was a good idea.. two years is a long time, long enough for me to get an idea of how the rest of my SL would go. It all depends on how well I do without that little virtual world. We'll see. I'm sorry if I didn't get around to saying goodbye to you - there were alot of people and I liked to do it in person, and some weren't always on at the same time as me. Sounds like I am making excuses but really, I guess.. I just hated saying goodbye, plus it was extra awkward cos it wasnt really goodbye or might have been.. I dunno. Like I said.. we'll see.

Esmie xXx

Oh and by the way.. you can contact me on the email address that goes with this blog, if you'd like my MSN/Yahoo instant messenger address or anything. I'll update this blog from time to time as people seem somewhat attached to it. But.. no promises.

Soooo....

2008-10-20T10:39:00.003+01:00

.... hi there.

I'm not going to apologise for not posting for so long, because frankly, nobody will be reading this anyways :P

The sad thing is, I actually check my blog almost every day for new comments and to look through the links section on the right, to check if anyone else has been updating theirs. I haven't logged into my Flickr account to upload any pics to it for months either - in fact, I can't remember the last time I even took a photo in SL.

Maybe all that is about to change, maybe not. We'll see if I get round to it, because, honestly, I have more exciting things to be doing than posting to my blog. I forgot how great it felt to get things off your chest tho - even as I write this, I feel the urge to express and describe every little activity, thought, emotion or feeling that I've been through since the last time I posted almost five months ago. To attempt such a thing would be ludicrous, of course, but its tempting.

Instead, allow me to divulge a list of highlights, from both my RL and my SL, of those past five months, so that you may get a wee taste of what has befallen me during my posting absence.

*SL - Nic and myself have moved to our own sim now - Safe Harbor SouthLake, a low prim sim that we can use for building our projects as well as for living on. We've been through several different designs of a permanent home there, but none have stuck and we are currently living in a tiny skybox 600m up.

*SL - On a related note, things at CNDG have changed somewhat and now I am on a project-by-project payroll, my pay being determined by what work I actually do, rather than simply being given a lump sum every month. I think it's better this way, as it'll encourage me to pull my finger out and actually do some real work for them, when I have the time.

*RL - The main reason I have no time to do anything anymore is that I'm now in my fourth and final year of university, which means big-assed dissertation projects and some days where lectures begin at 9am and the last finishes at 5pm. Getting to bed at a sensible time is also paramount these days, as last year I found myself drifting off during lectures - if the same were to occur this year, the consequences could be quite nasty. Missing a vital piece of info in a lecture or dropping my delicate project materials because I was yawning too hard is a real possibility now.

*RL - My project, if you would like to know, is about creating tiny microlenses - each about 120 microns across and only a few microns high (1 micron = 1 millionth of a meter) - about 200,000 of them on a fused silica substrate. I won't go into details, but it does involve using a clean room where you have to cover your shoes and wear a stupid, flimsy boiler suit type thing and rubber gloves. If anyone would like to know more, I'd be more than happy to explain in a future post.

*SL - I changed my skin. I know it may not seem like a big deal to some, but I have been using various Abyss skins for a long, long time, and thought that nothing could ever match them. Well, I somehow forgot that Aitui were coming out with a new set - The Redeemer skins - so when I discovered them during the usual casual run down of my favourite shopping LMs that I like to do from time to time, I went a little bit nuts for them. Somehow they seem to suit my shape perfectly - as if the last couple of months spent tweaking with my size and proportions were all leading up to one joyful reunion with the Aitui skinline - cos if you remember, I used to wear Aitui skins all the freaking time.

*RL - For those of you that don't know, I have moved out of Edinburgh into the surrounding area. Still only a bus ride away from the city centre, it is much quieter and more relaxed here in East Calder, and much closer to the uni as well. Not only that, but the property is larger and cheaper than our previous one, even though there are 4 of us sharing it in total now.

Ehhmmm.. I think thats most of it. I don't know when the next time I post will be. Could be tomorrow, next week, next month.. I dunno. But I am determined to at least make it to 300 posts on this blog before I call it a day and let it die peacefully *sniffle*

Anyways - I'll see you around some time :D

Esmie xXx

A Year

2008-05-24T12:14:00.002+01:00

Wow. A whole freaking year. 12 months. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525600 minutes. 31536000 seconds.

Thats a long time, especially in SL... and especially for being partnered to someone in SL. It was Nicho and mine's anniversary yesterday - we've been partnered a year to the day and we had great fun last night, dancing at Avilion Castle - one of the very first places we ever went for a date. We have this kinda love for revisiting places that hold warm memories for us - like Apollo and the BlueBoy Club.. we were totally gutted that the Sublime restaraunt went out of business a while ago and the replacement was a pile of crap.

We had planned to try and reserve part of the Apollo sim for a few hours last night, but there was no reply to the notecard I sent the sim manager weeks ago. Still, it didn't hurt our night too much, cos Avilion castle is still around, and wasn't too busy or laggy either and I gotta say that my boy looked incredibly beautiful in his massive pink gown - its technically a wedding dress, but it looks good on any occaision - and he managed to convince me to put on a matching pink silk shirt, cream waistcoat and pants from Armidi.. and.. well.. I kinda liked wearing the pink for once, it looked alright :D

The thing about partnerships in SL is that they are so easy to create. Just a couple of clicks of a button, and their name is in the little box in your profile. Its the same for ending a partnership. I guess that lowers the value of being partners in SL somewhat, if you know what I mean..

However, just having that name in the box does not constitute a partnership.. that person is not your partner because your profile tells you so. They're your partner cos you love them, care for them, and wanna be with them, for as long as you possibly can - and thats alot harder to build up than clicking a button - and much harder to destroy too. All the partnership box does is let the rest of the world know this.

I don't know what the future holds for us.. like Nicho said to me last night, we aren't even half way down the list of things we can do and experience together. I agreed and said that I hope we always have more to look forward to together than to look back on. I can say there are several things the future sure does have in store for us... Our baby son Lior, of course.. he must be what.. 5 months along by now.. I think. Other stuff too that I can't think of at the moment lol but I'll let you know as it happens. Maybe :P

Esmie xXx

Well Damn

2008-05-10T23:45:00.002+01:00

Its been sooo freaking long since I posted on here, I just figured I had to, incase the thing got declared dead and then was buried or something. Anyways, here I am, and where have I been?

Busy. I have an RL now - a full time, annoying, wonderful, interesting, depressing Real Life. Its not so bad... I have been spending more time with friends and going out and stuff.. but mainly I have been away because of the huge amount of uni work I have this term. 5 days a week, 4 of them 9am starts (meaning getting up at 7am) and 4 days a week I dont finish til 4pm - and dont get home after them til about 5:30pm. Fun eh? No.

But I was neglecting my responsibilities in SL, quite badly.. I didnt stop to think what I was putting people here through by being away without letting them know what was happening. There was a period where I didnt touch my computer for 5 days, and it was great to be away from it, but I discovered just how much I missed SL and how much SL missed me as soon as I returned. I've now made a promise to Nicholai that I'll never be away for more than 2 nights without emailing him to let him know where I am, to make sure he doesnt go through that again.

So.. whats going on now? Well, the main thing I guess is that our castle is gone. Taken back, removed, vanished, destroyed. Aprikat asked us to cut down on our prims - to be honest, I was surprised they let us get away with using up 250% of our parcel's capacity for so long - and we decided that as we'd need to return some of the main parts of the castle grounds and most interesting pieces, we might as well go for a total change.

Now we are going Sci-Fi. Yup. Couldnt get much more different huh? It was mostly our visits to, and experiences in, the Necronom VI space station RP community that inspired us to create a space home of our own.

Essentially, the mountainous island has been made into a deceased volcano, with smooth walls and a shallow, sea-level crater at the centre. On this island will be housed several different processing facilities and control rooms in varying degrees of disrepair that help support the eco system of the island as well as the life support systems of the space station high above.

Of course, our 'characters' have had makeovers too.. I am now a 5,000+ year old human-elf cross breed, with cybernetic parts and a symbiotic demonic intelligence inhabiting my system. Yup. A kinda human-elf-robo-demon. Possibly the same person I was in the last epic RP story our characters inhabited...

Nicholai, however, is now a being cloned from the last surviving members of a unique and rare species variant of the common neko people. I modified and conditioned him to make a perfect pet.. loyal, obedient, caring, intelligent and.. well.. sexy as hell. In order to try and ensure the continuation of his species, as well as to give myself a little more to do in the evenings, I cloned him and created his twin.. Although the clones do tend to vanish from time to time and often have some slight defects, they are usually more or less identical to the original Nicholai. Interesting huh :D

So yeah.. thats my new SL story and so on. I'll try and start updating this thing again, but no promises. However, just be assured that my blog will never die. I will always be updating it sometime or another, I am not just gonna leave it rotting for too long. But dont expect it to be every day or every week...

Esmie xXx

Absence

2008-04-04T09:39:00.003+01:00

Just a quick post to explain why I havent been posting to my blog, been on SL much the past few days, and why I wont be on again until next week.

Firstly, I havent been posting to my blog because I dont really see the point anymore - I have so much to talk about and to show you all that I just cant decide what to write about and honestly I'd rather spend that time actually doing things rather than talking or thinking about them. I'm not saying the blog is dead, because it is still useful - for moments like this - and when I do eventually recover from my writer's block I will be posting again.

I havent been on the past few days because, somehow, I suddenly had an RL - friends visiting, things to do, places to go, stuff to see - and it was great. I didnt really miss SL that much - I was almost afraid of logging in again last night cos of all the notices and crap I'd have to deal with - but I am glad I did, because it reminded me just how much I missed my friends and loved ones in SL.

Over the weekend I am going down to London to visit my family and wont be back up until tuesday, and probably wont be back on SL til wednesday. My parents want me to help them set up a laptop while I am down there - assuming they have bought it, they keep me totally in the dark about these things - so I should be able to get email at least, as long as a) they actually have one for me to set up and b) it works *lol*

Don't leave me IMs, they will almost certainly get capped. Email me!

See ya laterz ;]

Esmie xXx

Virtual Reality

2008-03-11T21:10:00.002Z

Ok, there is clearly no such thing as a virtual version of 'reality'- as in the 'real world', because no matter how hard LL or any developer tries, no simulation can match the world around us in terms of beauty, feelings, emotions and senses. So, I often think that simulations and virtual worlds such as SL are at their very best not when attempting to imitate RL, but when they either go completely off the rails or add their own spin to things.

Examples could include anything from having a bath in lava to full-on hover boards, alternative histories (like the south won the US civil war or something), and into the future of RL, such as commercial space flight and meals in a pill. And male pregnancy.

Yeah, male pregnancy. Guess what? Yup. What started off as a joke is now actually happening - for those of you who dont know. Nicholai and I went and got one of those baby in tummy talking things. Yes, it is official, Nicholai is pregnant with my child. Now, I am not big on biology or anything, but I am pretty sure thats a miracle.. or it would be if this was reality. Because there are literally no biological rules in SL, it is possible for a guy to become pregnant. Why the hell not? Is there anything wrong with that? No, I dont think so, because it represents an awesome bit of surreal, alternative reality that makes SL stand out from everywhere else.

So if anyone thinks its wierd that my boyfriend is pregnant then stop being so goddamn conformist and bound by reality's rules. But if you dont think its wierd then good on ya, you have ascended to a higher plane of existance and can understand concepts outside the realms of the everyday, normal world. Yay! lol

We have also decided on a few other things. Firstly, the baby is a boy. Secondly, Nicho has been pregnant a month now so we have only 8 months left to build a nursery and find a midwife etc..

Oh yes, and we named him Lior, which is 'Light'.

Now that I am 21 - it was my birthday on the 10th - and thanks so so much for all the messages and presents, guys, it means so much to me, really - I am beginning to feel a little more mature for some reason. Its awful, I know.. in this ageless wonderland I inhabit, I actually feel older - whereas in RL I feel no different whatsoever. So strange. Its like my av is growing faster than me - must be due to the crazy time SL operates on.. you know.. one RL week = one SL month etc.

Hopefully I wont be neglecting this blog too much longer.. I apologise for my lack of posting recently, but hang in there if you havent abandoned me already. We are almost at 300 posts and at that landmark I have something awesome planned.

Esmie xXx

Tigers and Eagles

2008-02-27T23:21:00.002Z

Ok well for a long, long time I was a neko and then suddenly one day... I just stopped wearing the parts and became human again (at least in general appearance..). Nicholai did the same and we became elves for a while. Recently, Nicho decided to put on his neko stuff again and it reminded me just how amazingly cute he looked in it.. seriously, its the cutest thing in the whole world, that little tail swaying side to side just above that perfect.. ok I'll stop there. So anyways, I went back to being a neko again, but I was wanting something a little different. I thought about kitsune, and got the parts, but somehow they didnt seem quite right, or look quite as good as they did on anyone else I have seen in them.

So I decided to remain neko and find myself a non-Hybrid set of parts. Its not easy finding something just right for yourself after being used to the same thing for so long... but I eventually spotted another neko with some unusual and awesome ears and managed to do the old 'Inspection' thing on em and found out about a place called Outland Tech and Curious Relics - OTCR.

Now, this place is not big or well-known or advertised much... but it sure as hell deals in quality rather than quantity OMG these ears and tail are fucking awesome. They are not cheap - came to about 850L for the set, but they are very, very cool and make you feel nicely unique in a sea of neko clones. Now, of course, they have multiple positions, fur textures and colour options, so I went for plain white and managed to find the silver/white Delinquent hair from the GL in my inventory...

The problem with this hair is that it leaves a big gap on your forehead.. and what better way to fill it then with a set of horns - the gorgeous, sculpted little horns of the Faun avatar from Hybrid no less - and add a set of yellow neko eyes I got waaaay back, when I first became neko and my neko-demon form is born :D

Now, also at OTCR they had a huge display, upon which there was a set of wings. They didnt look that impressive, except for the fact they were clearly modelled on bird rather than angel, fairy or bat/demon type wings. I looked at the price tag and almost died, yet a few days later curiousity got the better of me and I returned and read the notecard and watched the video online of the wings in use. And then I bought them.

I gotta say, they were worth the price tag. A few people know it but I aint gonna put it up on here. Basically the wings do not use SL's built in flight system, rather they use a pseudo-physics engine that means you have to flap to propel yourself. Honestly, it is one of the trickiest things I have ever bought and a real bitch to use in a laggy or crowded or object-heavy sim. However I can also say that from my first successful take off in them, they rendered all other forms of travel in SL completely obsolete to me.

Absolutely nothing had prepared me for the incredible sensation of actually feeling like you are flying - really flying - swooping, diving, gliding and flapping amongst the clouds. I cannot quite say what it is about it that makes me feel so elated and I also cannot quite get a picture to capture that feeling, as flying with these wings requires constant adjustment and attention.

They come with their own little set of animations and because they are not limited by SL's flight system they have no maximum height restrictions :D

Of course, I had to make a whole look up around these wings so I came up with the concept of an eagle-demon hybrid, essentially swapping out the tail and ears from the neko form for the wings. Just check out the pic below for an idea of how awesome these babies are, and this is just in their ugly on the ground form :O

Esmie xXx

Esmiel dusts off his blog and picks up his keyboard once again...

2008-02-22T09:31:00.002Z

... and has no idea what to write, but he's sure something will come to him as he rambles about not having the motivation or creativity to have written anything on here in the past weeks.

Well I guess a good start would be to tell y'all whats been happening during that time.

I guess the biggest thing is that we (Nicho and myself) went and had our first threesome!

... and who was the lucky guy that joined in with the most exclusive pair in SL? His name is Farzen and he is my alt *lol*

Ok I think you may need an explanation because that last sentence made me sound like a crazy pervert. Well... a while ago I admitted to Nich that a fantasy of mine would be to have two of him (or more..) at once and he said the same for him, he'd love to have sexy twin Masters. Sooo... I created Farzen, my alt, and made him identical to myself for a few days, and Nich had two identical Masters to please, which I can assure you, he managed quite well. Of course, its an emoting nightmare, especially running two clients at once on my pc (which can just about handle it), it can be very easy to make a mistake and mess the whole thing up. Luckily I only did that once so its not too bad.

Then, I made Farzen identical to Nicholai and he became my second boy last night, collar and all. So now I have hot blonde twin slaves, and as being submissive is Nicholai's speciality rather than mine, he did Farzen's emotes included in his own, which also worked good.

Essentially, Farzen is a sex toy I guess you could say, and we use him to live out some of our fantasies. However, I do find myself feeling a little sorry for him, seeing as how he will never have a mind of his own and is always gonna be just an accessory to our love life. Still, he is one damn lucky accessory *lol* considering how protective over- and exclusive to- each other me and Nich actually are.

So yeah, anyone confused on Boots beach last night by the appearance of me and both my boys.. don't worry, you weren't tripping. It was just me, Nich and my alt, who looks identical to Nicho. Simple eh?

Wow I managed to write quite alot so far and there is more to come... but I will leave it so I have something to write about tomorrow :P

Esmie xXx

You can file this post under Misc.

2008-02-08T17:14:00.000Z

Technology. Isnt it wonderful? We (my RL roomies and myself) recently got ourselves a 32" Samsung HD ready LCD TV with built in digital tuner and it fucking rocks, especially when plugging the Xbox 360 into it and playing some Assassin's Creed. Totally awesome.

However, technology is also not very wonderful, especially when it makes life difficult (which kinda defeats the whole idea of its own purpose), like freakin ATI graphics cards! Whats up with having to install a new .NET Framework when I upgrade my drivers, just so I can have rendered sky AND water in Windlight? Stupid.

Now, about the whole baby thing. It was a joke, just to make absolutely certain everyone knows. I told Nicholai how much people got into it and stuff and he laughed his ass off... Before asking me if I actually, properly, wanted one. I said 'sure I'd love to be a father...' but of course, the prim babies in SL are hideous and I dont think I wanna adopt a child av, thats just kinda wierd (as if the idea of my male partner giving birth in general isnt...)

So.. no babies :) Not until they/we can make a prim baby that actually has the realistically combined genetic features of its parents, that doesnt talk bullshit every 5 mins and that doesnt look/act as creepy as hell...

In other news, we recently constructed a "lost temple" under the water off the West coast of our island. Its essentially the headquarters of a once powerful and wealthy brotherhood of monks, dedicated to Raynya, the goddess of lust. As you can imagine, the priests were chosen for their looks, and the sacrifices... well the same with them too. Raynya doesnt demand sacrifices of blood tho... she needs something much tastier and it was the priests' job to extract this stuff from the sacrifices.

The temple isn't quite what it was once upon a time tho. An earthquake sank it deep into the sea bed long ago and, quite luckily, the jewel at the centre of Raynya's altar holds enough power to create a protective air bubble all around :) The temple includes a 'training room' where the boys to be sacrificed are taught by the priests, and the priests themselves practice, the best umm.. techniques...

Its so much fun, I will be getting some pics of it soon I hope :P

Esmie xXx

Baby Talk...

2008-02-02T00:51:00.000Z

[16:37] Nicholai Heita looks at the stick...
[16:37] Nicholai Heita: I think
[16:37] Nicholai Heita: I am pregnant.....
[16:37] Esmiel Posthorn faints
[16:38] Nicholai Heita: ((I love this one commercial for one of those it says, "The most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on"))
[16:38] You: LOL
[16:38] Nicholai Heita pokes you
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: ummmm....Eshy...
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: are you ok?
[16:39] Esmiel Posthorn wakes up and says "Was it a bad dream.. you arent really pregnant are you?!"
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: nope I'm pregnant
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: it turned blue
[16:39] Esmiel Posthorn faints again
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: o.O
[16:39] Nicholai Heita shakes you
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: Get up!
[16:39] You: Urrgh.. no..
[16:39] You: why?
[16:40] You: our sex life is ruined now you're pregnant..
[16:40] Esmiel Posthorn sobs
[16:40] Nicholai Heita: ummm..I should be saying that, your not the one who is gonna have to push a kid out their ass
[16:40] Nicholai Heita: umm no you can have sex til the third trimester :P
[16:40] You: Yeah but after its born..
[16:40] You: it'll always be around distracting us
[16:41] You: for the next 20 years..
[16:41] Esmiel Posthorn sobs
[16:41] Nicholai Heita: ummmm that is what we have wet nurses and governesses for
[16:41] Esmiel Posthorn dries his eyes and whimpers "We dooo?"
[16:41] Nicholai Heita nods
[16:41] Nicholai Heita: ummmmm....royalty doesnt raise their own children love
[16:41] Nicholai Heita: dont
[16:42] You: Will your ass ever even be able to feel my cock in it again afterwards?
[16:42] Nicholai Heita nod
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: nods
[16:42] You: phew..
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: I'll have a ceasarin thing w/e
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: :P
[16:42] You: well I'm gonna be a modern royal father and take care of my kid..
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: LOL
[16:42] You: nuuu cos then you'll have a huge scar across your stomach ; ;
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: okies then I'll do it natural o.-
[16:43] You: maybe you can puke it up?
[16:43] You: might be easier
[16:43] Nicholai Heita heaves
[16:43] Nicholai Heita: lol
[16:43] You: Can you get an abortion? I aint ready to be a daddy..
[16:43] You: I'm only 20 for gods sake D: and we dont have a big enough house for a kid
[16:43] Nicholai Heita: ok we can use the uninvented scarless ceaserin thing thats only in SL
[16:44] Nicholai Heita rolls his eyes
[16:44] Esmiel Posthorn gets up and sighs
[16:44] Nicholai Heita: you shouldnt of gotten rid of my pills then
[16:44] You: Its prolly not even mine.. bet it was those tentacles..
[16:44] Nicholai Heita: ummmm...no
[16:44] Nicholai Heita: anyway the tentacles were you LOL
[16:45] You: ssshhh :P
[16:45] Esmiel Posthorn wonders what the baby will look like and shudders violently
[16:45] Nicholai Heita: awww its gonna be so cute
[16:45] Nicholai Heita: unless it happens to be a really bad bowel movement o.-
[16:46] You: yeah.. but it'll have vampire teeth, elf ears, angel wings, demon horns, tentacles, a forked tongue, a 12" penis, webbed feet and probably pink eyes
[16:46] You: >_>
[16:46] Nicholai Heita: omg a 12" penis would be awesome
[16:46] You: on a baby?!?!?!?!
[16:46] You: lol
[16:46] Nicholai Heita: double if its a girl
[16:46] Nicholai Heita: LOL
[16:46] You: LMFAO
[16:47] Nicholai Heita: daddy why do I have boobs and a penis?
[16:47] Nicholai Heita: o.-
[16:47] Nicholai Heita: ummmm ask your mother she has the same problem
[16:47] You: which daddy are you asking? o_o
[16:47] You: lol
[16:47] You: rofl
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: daddy did I hurt coming out of your ass
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: yes I wanted you to die
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: o.-
[16:48] You: lol
[16:48] You: was even less fun to watch >_>
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: holy crap he is giving birth to a pearl necklace!
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: O:
[16:49] Nicholai Heita: you so didnt get that
[16:49] You: no i didnt..
[16:49] Nicholai Heita: anal beads...
[16:49] You: ohh
[16:49] You: :|
[16:49] Nicholai Heita: -.-
[16:49] You: hilarious
[16:50] Nicholai Heita: you are gonna watch it come out of me thats for sure...
[16:50] Nicholai Heita: -.o
[16:50] You: lol that lil baby chat is going on the blog :P
[16:50] Nicholai Heita: if its as big as your penis it will be fine
[16:51] You: D:
[16:51] Nicholai Heita imagines 12 inch little Eshies popping out
[16:52] Nicholai Heita: with 12 inch cocks
[16:52] You: :/
[16:52] You: I dont like thinking about babies with big dicks lol
[16:52] You: >_> call me crazy
[16:52] Nicholai Heita: lol
[16:52] Nicholai Heita: omfg get me some peanut butter and strawberry ice cream now!

Yeah, we are random...

Esmie xXx

I had a really great idea for a post...

2008-02-01T08:26:00.000Z

... but I forgot it inbetween preparing for my class test later today, worrying about the hospital appointment I eventually missed this morning and generally trying to keep my life from spinning out of control, crashing off the road and ending up in a blaze of flame and smoke and flying wheels at the bottom of some cliffs. Ok, maybe thats an exaggeration, but you know how thing build up sometimes and you have so much to do and think about, as well as the realisation that you need to do more, haven't done enough so far and are going to get more to do tomrrow? Well things come to point sometimes where you just have to sort yourself out and get on with the stuff.

Anyways, I am happy to say I am not losing control of either life and things actually seem to be going alot better in each than I had realised whilst locked away in my lil box of despair and misery. I'm out of that now and I feel pretty good and confident that things are going to be fine, altho I should really be preparing further for my test later today, rather than sitting here typing this drivel, but I'm just not in the mood so it can wait :)

I didn't log in last night, for the first time in.. hmm.. months? I decided to take a night off and spend it with the RL guy, cos I came to the realisation that I spend more of my free time in SL than RL and I need to balance it a little bit more. No worries tho, I am gonna be spending plenty of time on SL still *lol* nothing can keep me away..

I should really begin posting about more interesting things, rather than just going over this random bullshit for the sake of keeping the blog going. So, perhaps expect fewer posts in future - free time is at a premium again - but the ones I do put up will be better, funnier, more interesting, more thought provoking, more relevant and longer. Quality over quantity I say :)

Esmie xXx

Quality Control

2008-01-29T20:24:00.000Z

I've been sitting here for about ten minutes now, watching the 'Logging in. Second Life may appear frozen. Please Wait' screen while I wait to log in. Its definitely not frozen .. and omg right then it just said something unexpected has gone wrong. *Tries again*

The client I am using at the moment is an fairly old version of the standard one and it seems to run a shitload better than some of the new ones. I have been mightily pissed off recently at the quality of the new clients LL have been crapping out, especially the most recent Windlight one. If you hadn't noticed the bug that allows you to see invisible-scripted objects - such as hidden poseballs, particle emitters and genitals - then I guess you must be a Linden :) I want to know HOW THE FUCK THEY DIDNT SPOT THIS?! Talk about quality control.. sheesh! What a load of bullshit. The little poll they had on the login screen 'Is your SL experience getting better or worse?', I wonder how many people said Better. Interesting how they haven't published any results from that yet, eh?

I'm still waiting for SL to log me in. I think this is the fourth time. This hasnt happened in a while and I guess it must be partly due to the server upgrades going on or something, but there are more than 40,000 people online, why can't I join them?!

So, I have made the next poll about the quality of our second lives and whether we generally agree that things have got a whole lot worse recently. I dont think it takes much explanation.
Hopefully I'll see you inworld sometime soon ;)

Well I was gonna make a poll.. but I get a 404 Error every time I try and create one so I dunno whats goin on... Maybe its my connection being a complete bitch again >_<

Esmie xXx

Being a Master

2008-01-27T11:51:00.000Z

What difference does it make? Seeing as how we had such a close and loving relationship before the collaring, I personally didn't expect it to make much difference, either to the way I feel towards my boy or to the way we live together. How wrong I was.

To tell you the truth, it has made a massive difference and as far as I am aware, its all been totally positive and for the better. Not only does it make me kinda.. well.. very, actually.. excited to have this power over such a wonderful, obedient and faithful partner as Nicholai, but I know he also loves the submissive role, and even without using any of the power I have over him, just the kinda atmosphere and situation gives our errmm.. personal time together a little bit more excitement and hawtness.

Learning how to use the boy's collar - its an Amethyst Slim one from Sensations - has been fun too and some of the poses contained within it are extremely sexy indeed. My favourite function of it, tho, has to be the leash. Not only does it ensure the boy keeps up with me (he gets very bad lag and has difficulty just walking in a straight line sometimes) but its also incredibly hot, and it gives a real sense of ownership and belonging.

Of course, not all Masters get it right and they have to learn the limits of their slave. I've gone maybe a little too far by caging him once, that really pissed him off. I wont be doing that again *lol* Because, its not just about what the Master wants. He has to keep his slave happy and comfortable and respect their wishes and limits. Of course, being the boy's partner since last May has helped with this...

I know how alot of slaves get treated badly, and often a slave wants to be collared by their Master as a quick route to a relationship - which most often does not work. However, we've done this the other way around and it really does work. Recently, we've been exploring the sexual side of our relationship a whole lot more, admitting various kinks and fantasies to each other. We've tried shibari, the Japanese art of tying up your lover in erotic positions - I now have some amazing snapshots to adorn the dungeon wall with. We've done some exceptionally naughty RP -well, it required my character not having many morals-... that was the hottest ever, pretty much.

Just trust me on this: After admitting your fantasies, kinks and fetishes to your partner and discovering they enjoy some of them too, and they have even more exciting ones you didn't know you liked, your relationship becomes far stronger and the sex even more amazing. So I suggest you try it :P

Esmie xXx

Results!

2008-01-24T11:47:00.001Z

Well here we are. A shocking truth has been uncovered... the readers of this blog play SL more than any other kind of game... big surprise... ;D

Here's the official results. Taking my lessons from the situation in Kenya, I have 4 computers I could vote with to make sure my fave wins, I chose not to, for fear of riots and a widespread breakdown of society that this would inevitably cause. So here goes...

I don't play anything except SL - 5 Votes - 41%
Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games - 3 - 25%
Racing/Driving - 2 - 16%
First Person Shooters - 1 - 8%
Strategy - 1 - 8%
Puzzle, Text-Based Adventure, Platformer, Arcade, non-MMO RPGs, 3rd Persom Action/Adventure, Fighting - 0 - 0%

Seeing as SL is infact not a game, we can kinda take that out and view it seperately. What it basically shows us is people spend their time on SL instead of playing other games - but if you didn't have SL, would you be playing a game? Or going for a walk in the park... or whatever it is people with real lives do.

I am not surprised MMORPGs came in quite high, as I guess some people would be attracted to SL as a kinda evolution in some way of other online games - the environment and possibilities in SL cannot be ignored by anyone who is at level 70 and bored of WoW or whatever.

Driving games have always been a fave of mine. It started with Gran Turismo 3 on the PS2.. I used to spend all day driving around, not even racing, because I loved the sound of my TVR Griffith 500's engine after spending the 80,000 Cr. NA Tuning option on it. I actually loved that game, very few others have actually made me feel as awesome or emotional.. the suspense on the final lap, the elation of winning... or the utter, utter misery of crashing on the last bend of a 15 lap race and watching everyone sail past. My most recent love in the driving world has been Burnout - pretty much the opposite end of the scale from GT - and I currently have my eye on Burnout Paradise for my 360...

One racing game I do hate, however, is Project Gotham. Its too realistic and unforgiving - that just makes it hard and boring.

I was hoping First Person Shooters would come higher... these being my absolute all-time faves. I have played so many... GoldenEye, Doom 64 on the N64, Timesplitters 1-3 (Best kills without dying score on TS3: 750 or so), Black, Red Faction 1-2, Medal of Honour on the PS2, F.E.A.R., Far Cry, Prey, Battlefield 2, Quake 2 on the PC and of course Halo 1-3 on the Xboxes and I never get bored of shooting people in the face. However, there are loads I have never played - Call Of Duty, Doom 3, Bioshock and all those other awesome ones I just haven't bothered with recently. I dont know why I enjoy them so much.. I guess its partly due to the way my RL at times becomes incredibly stressful and I get angry or whatever. I have never lashed out or done anything violent in my RL towards another person, despite sometimes wishing I could, I always hold back and then take out my frustration on a virtual enemy. When people say videogames cause violence they are talking shit. I woulda probably punched or kicked alot more people in RL if I didnt have games to take out my anger on.

Strategy is my second fave, my greatest love in this genre being the Age of Empires and the Command & Conquer series. Blitzkrieg is also a very, very good game if you like killing nazis by the tankload and lets face it, who doesn't?

I have noticed recently the number of voters in my polls slipping. Whyyyy? Whats going on? *sobs* I am amazed platformers and fighting games did not get a vote and also 3rd person action - that includes GTA, guys! And Metal Gear Solid!!! How can that not be amongst the fave games of at least one person who reads this? I just dont get it...

Anyways, feel free to comment and complain about the various placings and which genre you think should be top, etc.

I am cooking up a good lil poll for the next few days, stay tuned :P

Esmie xXx

Massive Flickr Update!!!

2008-01-23T15:55:00.000Z

For anyone who cares, here is the link to the latest batch of 11 shots from our castle. Most of the exterior is finished now and it is looking pretty damn... well just see for yourselves!

Go look now!

Details and information on each image is given just below it :)

If you'd like more details and/or info on where I bought stuff then just leave a comment either here or on the flickr page!

Esmie xXx

Just a Warning... and another thing!

2008-01-21T00:14:00.000Z

Rick passed on this message to me he got today. Figured I should let you guys know, just in case it turns out to be serious. Rick has also sent a note to Shawn Mission so he will be dealing with a Group Notice soon I imagine.

[15:48] Rick Crossing: If someone by the name of Mark Genesis Gallardo (rugbylegend) wants to add you to their list, don't accept it. It's a virus. Tell everyone on your list because if somebody on your list adds them you will get it, too. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. Please pass this on to everyone on your list.

Now, Time For:

Big News!

I...

...collared Nicholai tonight.

[14:46] You: Now, as your Master, I will expect you to be obedient. But of course, I will not make you do anything you do not wish to. Understand?

[14:46] Nicholai Heita: Yes Master

[14:49] You: I collar you not only to claim you as mine but also to let the world know that you belong to me and that you are the only one I will ever deem worthy of wearing it

[14:49] Nicholai Heita: I am very honoured Master

[14:52] Esmiel Posthorn reaches down and runs his fingers through your soft golden hair before placing the collar around your neck and locking it with a click as he says "This collar not only represents your devotion to me, but also mine to you" and he stands back to admire his boy.

[14:53] Nicholai Heita trembles softly as he feels the cool metal on his skin

[14:54] Esmiel Posthorn runs his fingers under your chin and lifts your face to look into his. "How does it feel, knowing you will never wear a collar belonging to another?"

[14:55] Nicholai Heita blushes softly and he says, "It feels wonderful my Master"

Now, this is not Gorean stuff, I wanna make that clear from the start. I detest Gor.

Nicholai remains my partner first, boy second, and the collar is mainly about giving a physical embodiment to the idea that I own both his body and heart in SL. Its also a way of being naughty and dominant over him, also giving him the attention and security he needs. It really is a wonderful feeling :)

Master Esmie xXx

The Problems With Owning A Castle...

2008-01-20T16:24:00.000Z

Firstly, the biggest obstacle is filling it. So far we have used about a third of the space and don't have any idea about what to do with the rest of it. We have a study (my personal room), the main lounge/living area/throne room, the master bedroom, a secondary Indian-themed bedroom (Nicholai's personal room), the dining room and the bathing/hot tub room. We still have one or two rooms left to fill on the first two floors and an entire floor above that to fill :O What on Earth are we gonna do with it all? Maybe a bowling lane, I dunno. We'll think of something I am sure :)

Secondly is the landscaping. You have to make the castle look as if it has been in that place for hundreds of years, never easy - especially as things in SL always seem to look so shiny and new and plain. Also, you have to make the world around it both interesting and believable. The amazing realism in the lighting and texturing of the build needs an equally stunning home and creating it is not simple.

Thirdly and perhaps the nastiest, is dealing with your own air of self-importance and curbing back your snobbishness. Sometimes I let it slip, saying something like "Oh well, your place isn't bad but maybe its a bit small compared to my castle", or... "You're a peasant! Get your filthy unwashed hands off my cape!" and I just end up sounding kinda arrogant and ridiculous. But still, I don't mean to be like that, I am merely trying to play my character, that of an incredibly handsome and athletic elven prince who rules with mercy in his heart and a twinkle in his eye. But who doesn't like being touched by peasants unless they are cleaning his boots with their tongues.

But yeah if I have offended you by calling you a dirty pleb before then I am sorry :)

Fourthly is the time the thing takes up. Hence me not posting as much on here anymore. We have been very very busy building some front steps and waterfall system, and we are very nearly done. As soon as it is, expect a huge update with pics and details and everything!

Esmie xXx

Poll.. 6?

2008-01-17T08:39:00.000Z

I think its 6... anyways, I cant think of enough contestants yet for the third round of Whats Sexiest? so here is the poll Osayo suggested :)

A quick explanation:

What is your favourite style or type of game?

MMORPG: Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. Think World of Warcraft and Everquest and you're there. Some say SL is a MMORPG but thats bullshit.

FPS: First Person Shooters. We're talking Halo, Far Cry, FEAR, Timesplitters, Doom, Prey.

Puzzle: Anything from Tetris to Mah-Jong, Chess to those bubble-popping type games.

Text-based adventure: My roomie suggested putting this in here, just for anyone who loves the really old school stuff. I don't know any examples *lol*

Platformer: 2D and 3D so Mario, Sonic, Rayman, Earthworm Jim, Crash Bandicoot, all that stuff.

Racing/Driving: Simulation and arcade style - Gran Turismo and Project Gotham are examples of the former; Burnout, Ridge Racer are the latter. This option includes stuff like Wipeout and Kart games like Mariokart.

Arcade: By this I mean stuff like Pac-Man, or alternatively stuff like penny-drop machines and those things with the claws where you have to pick up a prize, like in an actual arcade... or pretty much any little Java/Flash game you'll find on one of those imsoboredicouldkillmyselfandeveryoneinthisbuildingsopleasegivemesomeshittodo.com websites.

non-MMO RPGs. Offline RPG games like Oblivion, Final Fantasy (most of them), you know the kinda thing.

3rd Person Action/Adventure: Where your camera points at your ass all the time, like Tomb Raider, Gears of War, Assassin's Creed etc.

I don't play anything except SL: Speaks for itself, and I am dangerously close to selecting this one.

Fighting/Beat 'em Ups: Street Fighter, Soul Calibur, Tekken, Super Smash Bros. etc. also Wrestling games.

Strategy: Real time, like Age of Empires and Command & Conquer or Turn based like that really awesome one that was out for the Game Boy whatever it was. Advance Wars or something. Also could include Tiny Empires :)

Well there are your options. It'll be interesting to see the results, and I wouldnt have thought of this one unless it was suggested, so thanks Os!

Esmie xXx

The Joys of Quantum Theory

2008-01-14T09:11:00.000Z

I'm currently waiting in for the delivery of my shiny new baby and am looking over some questions due in tomorrow for my Quantum Theory module. To describe the problems as difficult and complicated is perhaps an understatement.

Firstly, I have to normalise the sci function of the variable x, and apparently I must do this by integrating the square of the modulus between the limits of negative and positive infinity. Its alot harder than it sounds, trust me, because the damn lecturer only gave us one stupid example and did not explain it to us. At the time, I thought this might be enough to get through the questions with.

The answer to the normalisation should be 1. I get ((2*(A^2))/5)*(Infinity^5) which is "2 times A squared over 5, all multiplied by infinity to the power of 5" which is fucking stupid and impossible and certainly not 1. Unless A is a ridiculous number, something like ((5/2)*Infinity^-7). Which is seriously not possible.

But looking at the example, and following through the calculation steps, I cannot see how you could possibly get anything else. I just messaged my friend asking how she was getting on with the questions and she replied, literally as I am writing this, "I can't do any of them, its awful". She's the smartest person in the class :)

After normalising 4 seperate functions, there are two further sets of questions also due in tomorrow that are quite similar yet of an even higher difficulty. I haven't really looked at those yet, for fear of having some kind of nervous breakdown or heart attack.

So I think I might be giving up on that for the time being and ask the lecturer to explain it a little more thoroughly to us and to possibly extend the deadline. This is just the beginning of the second week. By the end of week 8 either I will be in a much better position and able to understand almost everything, or I will know pretty much nothing, which is what happened last term. Here's hoping that things don't get that much more complicated :)

Esmie xXx

Well hey there...

2008-01-11T19:53:00.000Z

Been a while o_o

I know some people say that after coming back to their blog after like a month or something, but for some reason, it seems a very long time since I made my last post on tuesday. Anyways, the reason I haven't been posting much this week is because I just haven't had much to say... For once!

I'm currently waiting for the new Windlight viewer to download... so glad they fixed those horrid black bands in the sky. I am also hoping that this stupid computer won't be crashing every five minutes when I use the new client... it gets very annoying, but apparently it happens quite alot to my roomie when he plays WoW on this machine too so it is most probably a fuck up somewhere in the pc, rather than the viewer.

Lucky I won't have to be using this thing much longer then.. as my new computer is being delivered on monday :D

So now I can be on as much as I like, but please, guys.. remind me to study every once in a while, I tend to forget these things quite easily. I have also been forgetting how to stay awake in lectures recently... its horrific, really. I don't feel tired or exhausted outside the lecture, but after about ten or fifteen minutes I start to blink and my eyes close and no matter what I do... take notes, slap myself, put my keys under my ass in a painful position... I nod off. I did it twice today, the first time the lecturer didn't notice.. but everyone else did. You know how sometimes when you are falling asleep how you might feel like you fall suddenly, or trip or something and then suddenly jerk awake. Well I did that, and almost fell off my chair, much to everyone's amusement.

After that, I promised myself I would not fall asleep in the next lecture, because our tutor for this one is a wierd and extremely funny Argentinian guy who likes to make everyone else in the room scared of him with witty comments and little digs and insults. I almost fell asleep - I was right on the edge - and he noticed, shouting my name and saying something about me being away with the fairies, which naturally made everyone laugh. However, I was not the only one to doze off in that period so I don't feel too bad about it. I didn't fall asleep again :)

Esmie xXx

Results

2008-01-08T19:21:00.000Z

Ok, well Nicholai took the stuff back.. he wasn't feeling very well all weekend so took it all back until he feels well enough to price it all up and stuff. Fair enough :) A note or IM explaining this would have been nice but it's all good now.

I got my results from my end of term exams last year... ummm not so good, really. Definitely the worst I have ever done, at anything, pretty much. I barely passed Dynamics & Spectroscopy, Electronics and Electromagnetism, but I did pass - thats what counts. I did not pass Maths, which sucks, meaning that now I have to go and re-take it in the summer sometime. However, pretty much everyone in the class did total crap on it.. the highest mark from the class was 68%, in years before it has been at least 80%. I got 22%, well below the 30% or so needed to pass, and some of my friends got less than that, so at least I am not the only one doing the retakes :)

However, now my overall qualification marks have dropped to 39%, and I need over 50 to be able to qualify for the honours degree at the end of this year.. otherwise I will end up with just an 'ordinary' degree that isn't worth the paper its written on. Or so I am told. So, this is the year I actually put some real effort in then, and prove to myself as well as my tutors and friends that I can actually do this thing! *lol* We'll see :)

Results of Poll 5!

1st: Taste - 3 votes - 33%
=2nd: Hearing - 2 - 22%
=2nd: Smell - 2 - 22%
=4th: Legs - 1 - 11%
=4th: Genitals - 1 - 11%
=6th: Sight, Touch, Arms, Emotions - 0 - 0%

Hmmm so yeah there ya go. In order to escape the room and the clutches of this rather sadistic demon, most of us would give up our sense of taste, including me. Why? Cos most food I try, I dont actually like the taste of... and the reason I eat so much junk is because it tastes good. Sooo.. by removing my sense of taste, its almost a favour to me, cos I will be able to eat more foods - including those icky, yucky vegetables - and not get cravings for sweets and naughty things like that, keeping me healthy :)

Whoever voted for genitals must come forward and please explain why, cos I am literally dying to know, as, I am sure, a few others are also.

Hearing is an interesting one... something I sure as hell could never live without. Imagine never hearing music again, never hearing the birds singing in the morning.. or never hearing your partner whisper "I love you" ever, ever again. Bet you regret voting for that now huh :P

Smell, I could live without, I suppose. But I could not live with my parents coming to my place and saying "oh my God this place stinks" and me not knowing about it cos I couldn't smell the rotting body of a mouse/cat/dog/horse behind the couch.

The next round of 'What's Sexiest?" will commence soon, I just need to think up a few more entries... feel free to make suggestions!

Esmie xXx

The Mystery Continues...

2008-01-07T07:45:00.000Z

Well I haven't seen Nicholai since all that stuff vanished. In fact, the day when he was putting the stuff out was the only time I have seen him in the past week. My guess is that he took it all back into inventory during the few hours I was offline on saturday... if it was asset server problems then may God have mercy on Linden Lab's souls when I'm done with them >:/

My classes start again today so I'll be on alot less, what with my RL bf being home too, I have other things to be occupying me. But I'll try to get on every night cos I know how much you guys will miss me :P

I've bought a few pieces of furniture for the castle from Rustica, a wonderful store full of beautiful sculpty pieces including a simply mind-numbingly incredible bed that I just had to have... even if it was 1200L. Totally worth it! Plus, the owner/creator Maxwell is hilarious and a great guy from what I can see during my brief chat with him, and he really was very helpful and lovely. I'll be going back there for sure...

If you like Yaoi, check out this link... dozens of scanned and translated manga :) The only downside is the nasty ads down either side of the page but for me its worth puttin up with...

http://www.animephile.com/yaoi/

See ya after class ;)

Esmie xXx

Once Upon a Time..

2008-01-05T02:49:00.000Z

... there was an Elvish Prince named Esmiel, ruler of Beindor ("beautiful land" in English).

His reason for being an elf has nothing to do, I can assure you, with them being voted most sexiest in a poll on this blog, it is merely coincidence. He ruled alongside his consort, Prince Nicholai, from their castle at Aramar-En-Manmeleth (The Royal Home of Pure Love) and they were happy for many years... until one day they realised they needed some furniture for their castle... and decided that in order to clear out their store rooms and help pay for the new furnishings, they should have a...

YARD SALE!

[EDIT: Ummm everything seems to have vanished.. whether it was all sold, moved or returned I have no idea, because everything belonged to Nicholai.. ummm.. shit. The link above is no longer any use, in any case so I am removing it.. lol I wonder what the fuck is going on :)]

Esmie xXx

Flickr Update

2008-01-03T00:38:00.000Z

I just shoved a load of images detailing the progress so far (all of it done by me, cos Nicho hasn't been on for a couple of days *sniffle*) on the castle's surroundings on Flickr...

See the pics here.

Ummm other stuff...

Not alot. Stay tuned :)

Esmie xXx

How the hell did this happen...

2008-01-01T19:54:00.000Z

What better way to start a new year than by moving into a new home?

Somehow, our new home has turned out to be this:

I still can't believe it...

But it is a fucking awesome feeling, owning a castle, complete with dungeon, secret passage and surrounding mountains, rivers, forests and caves (that I am creating). Nicholai is handling interior furniture.. I got landscaping and so far I am damn proud of my efforts. Will be uploading some pics as soon as parts are complete :)

Esmie xXx

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000Z

I hope your 2008 is as awesome as it possibly can be and that you'll all still be here to read my blog in another year's time!

Hoooo!

Esmie xXx

Poll 5.

2007-12-31T14:28:00.000Z

You are trapped in a room by a demon and you will stay there for eternity unless you give him something valuable to you - coins and jewels are of no worth to evil supernatural beings. You have to choose from that list what you would surrender to him in order to escape spending all of time in a bare room, never eating, sleeping or drinking, never seeing daylight or your family and loved ones again - and never dying.

If you were to pick arms for example, they would simply vanish.. there is no painful surgery or anything here, so the process of removing a feature should not factor into your decision.

What'll it be?

You must pick one :)

Feel free to ask questions via comments if anything needs clarifying.

Esmie xXx

I'm back!... and Poll Results!

2007-12-31T02:22:00.000Z

Woooohoooo! Damn, I missed SL! Feels so good to be home. Had a fabulous time in London, Christmas was really great, it always is with my family. On the way back up to Edinburgh, my Creative Zen V mp3 player ran out of battery with 4 hours of journey time left to go. I had read my magazines and books. So, I spent 4 hours watching the rain on the windows and listening to the straight couple sat behind me kissing noisily. I hope you all had a great time too, maybe you wanna share your experiences through comments on this post? I dunno, just a suggestion.

My email inbox was stuffed with Group Notices, IMs and Inventory Offers. When logging into SL, very few actually appeared, due to basically everything I owned having been returned to me by Nicholai in preparation for moving our house (or possibly buying a new one) to the super secret new place that has appeared in the CNDG continent... oooooooohhhh spooky. All those little green messages killed my IMs and Group Notices. IM capping is dangerous and annoying - any inventory offers from anything other than a fellow resident get lost - so gifts from SLexchange didn't make it through, or from vendors. But nevermind! I'm just glad to be back *lol*

So yeah, what did I miss? Anybody wanna fill me in? Was it anything, at all? I already know Hoaghes and Chester have been partnered - congrats to you cuties :) oh and that reminds me, if you haven't already, go check out the pics from the party on my Flickr page. There aren't many, but I only had time to put the best ones up there.

What to do with myself now? I have a week left until the new term starts at uni! Only a week?! Where the hell did my holiday go...

.. oh yeah, I spent two thirds of it so far in SL, by the end, it will be three quarters of my holiday having been spent in SL. Sad I know, but faced with the bitter Scottish weather and the awful, dreadful places that count as 'clubs, bars and pubs' around here combined with an absence of friends, its not hard to make a decision :)

As for the results of Round 2 of our Whats Sexiest Poll, you've been looking at them for a week so I probably dont need to go into too much detail *lol* But here they are, in order from least popular to most:

=7th: Mermen - 0 Votes - 0%
=7th: Nezumi - 0 Votes - 0%
=5th: Satyrs - 1 Vote - 5%
=5th: Dark Elves - 1 Vote - 5%
4th : Centaurs - 2 Votes - 11%
=2nd: Usagi - 3 Votes - 16%
=2nd: Tentacle Monsters - 3 Votes - 16%
1st: Elves - 8 Votes - 44%

Ok, no more humanoids in the next one. Frickin' Elves with their long golden hair, immortality and love of art, dance, music and poetry, archery and nature. Bastards! What about the poor mermen? I thought my merman avatar was very sexy... Seems I was the only one *lol*

I voted for Tentacle Monsters. Why? Because I think they are awesome and I wish there was more tentacle yaoi. Much, much more. The thing with tentacles is often they are depicted as well.. raping someone. Thats kinda ruined their image somewhat. But see.. I wouldn't mind being attacked by a seething mass of well-lubed, flexible and inquisitive appendages. It can be consensual too ya know :)

So, who/what did you guys vote for, and why? Centaurs is a surprise placing in the top half of the board, I'd like to hear some explanation for that one, please :)

I'll put up a new, more serious poll tomorrow, as a breather before next week's Whats Sexiest? Round 3. Gonna have to think long and hard for that one...

Esmie xXx

I'll be back soon!

2007-12-28T11:30:00.000Z

Managed to get a spare moment on here to read my emails and write this blog post (obviously lol). I was planning on getting the bus back to Edinburgh on saturday morning, meaning I would be back at my place and in SL that evening. However, a bunch of friends are off to the cinema saturday afternoon/evening to celebrate a birthday or something, so I figured I had better go along. Meaning that I will be returning to Scotland on sunday the 30th.

Oh, and please don't IM me before then - I get them into my email inbox and haven't received any for the past few days, meaning they will have been capped. So drop me a note or email me if it is urgent :)

I hope you all had a fantastic christmas and I look forward to welcoming in the new year with you guys :D

See you soon!

Esmie xXx

Get ready to Part-ay! xD

2007-12-22T01:53:00.000Z

[17:52] You: i think everyone will leave after 5 mins at the party anyways cos of the lag
[17:52] You: and by leave i mean crash

Nicholai crashed 30 seconds after I said this. We were arranging the last sprig of mistletoe in the dance hall. Yes, there is alot of it *lol*

We've decorated the place perfect, it's all ready for the party now. I tried to get invites out to everyone I could manage, and I know quite a few people are unable to make it, cos of various things. If you wanna turn up at the last minute, I think there will be some space, the main requirements are: You and your date wear red and/or white formal attire, and you must have a date, or at least someone to dance with. If you meet those requirements, and after 2pm SL time on saturday you have nothing better to do, why not IM me and I can get you to the hottest xmas party in SL :D

Tomorrow is the last time I will be on for a week, so I hope to see as many of you then as possible. This is my last blog post until I am safely in London and can find a few spare minutes to let you all know how I am.

If I don't see you before, have a wonderful, safe and happy christmas and holidays, wherever you are and whoever you are with.

Esmie xXx

For You Guys :)

2007-12-21T01:30:00.000Z

Hope you all have a great one :D

Esmie xXx

Narcissism

2007-12-20T01:14:00.000Z

Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who, for some reason, rejected the advances of a nymph, only to end up falling in love with his own reflection - of course, being just an image on the surface of a pond, this lover wouldn't put out - and Narcissus eventually pined away and turned into a flower that bares his name.

I once - a very, very long time ago - heard someone describe me as narcissistic, in SL and I can see why someone would say that. I mean, I know I am attractive and I know guys want me, because they tell me. This leads to the building of an ego and then it starts to get a bit crazy and you love yourself. Sexually attracted to your own image. Now, in RL, that is dangerous and there is a mental disorder associated with it. However, in SL... we are designed and made to either purposefully to attract others, or as a reflection of our creator's ideal. Now for me, I was made as something my creator would enjoy looking at, just as much as everyone else would. I think he succeeded.. I can't stop zooming and spinning the camera around myself, admiring the well toned body, the smooth curves and the expertly chosen skin and tattoos, piercings and hair that all go into making me.

Yeah, I'm a sick freak. However, a creator in love with his creation is not such a bad thing - it means he will take care of me and ensure I never make myself look ugly or stupid - I get a clean change of clothes six times a day and now, every self-absorbed egoist's dream has come true for me; I'm a model. Here I am in the gallery at H & W. I don't think I need to point out which one is me, do I?

Well, I would be a narcissist if I said I was the most attractive there.. I'm not. I can admit that. However, being a model gives you a whole new opportunity to look at yourself. You have to love yourself to be able to stand up there and believe people look at you, to imagine yourself desirable, you have to find yourself desirable, to be sexy, you have to know you are sexy. But, you don't have to believe you are the sexiest, the most desirable... a little modesty matters and I hope I have some - I love to show off, but I have never claimed to be the hottest guy around, and I know I never will be. What I'm saying might just be blindingly obvious to you guys, but for me its a big deal.

I love myself, sure - like, if you can't love yourself, what chance have you got loving anyone else? But I am not in love with myself. That would be silly.

Sooo.. what I think I am trying to say is: Hopefully you wont see an Esmiel flower around anytime soon.

Esmie xXx

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

2007-12-19T21:01:00.000Z

Yay.. a grid shut down.. because of this stupid recurring problem with the asset servers. About time they fixed it - I mean, today is the penultimate day the CNDG build team will be working on the project - it is supposed to be finished by tomorrow, and now they can't do their work cos of these bitchy servers. Not that I was working on the project at the time of the shut down.. Nicholai and I were busy elsewhere and so that is why I am extra angry this time *lol* .. it was just getting good too :/

Anyways, I spose it gives me a chance to do some RL things for once.. like showering and eating.

I see Elves are winning at the moment, with tentacle monsters coming in a surprise second. Yay for slime!

As Christmas draws ever nearer, I realise I haven't quite managed to get presents for everyone - SL and RL - but, hopefully, me saying I love them is just as good as any gift ^^;
I should also mention that after saturday night (after the party) I will not be on again for about a week (at the most) - so I will be spending christmas in RL. Not that this is a bad thing - but I wont even have a chance to get into SL to see my loved ones and friends on christmas day - and I know that is the time when at least one of them will be needing me most... :(

Esmie xXx

Poll 4.

2007-12-18T20:13:00.000Z

Round 2 of our What's Sexiest? competition. This time, we have some more extreme choices, and 'What's sexiest?' means "What would you most want to have sex with?" *lol*

This time around we have:

Mermen - Handsome warriors of the sea with long, flowing locks, powerful arms, broad chests and the tails of fish for legs - which unfortunately means no human genitals... Still, could be worse eh?

Elves - Wood or High Elves, Like Legolas in Lord of the Rings, played by Orlando Bloom - oh, these already won then... *rolls eyes*

Tentacle Monsters - Bit of an odd one this, but I know many people like the idea of big, wriggling, slimy tentacles, pumping every orifice on their body full of sweet monster goo...

Nezumi - Like a neko, but with mouse parts - ears and tail - instead of cat... generally more submissive and smaller than their feline-type cousins.

Usagi - Like a neko, but with rabbit parts instead of cat. Like playboy bunnies, but the ears are warm and the tail wiggles without the hips moving.

Dark Elves/Drow - Elves' somewhat more evil cousins, these guys have skin ranging from black through purple to pale blue. They live underground - yay dungeons! - and are generally a bit sneakier and more dangerous than their woodland counterparts. But still sexy.

Centaurs - a bit like the merman, this one - horse body instead of fish tail - but with one big difference. He definitely does have genitalia. One for size queens only I feel :)

Fauns/Satyrs - like Mr. Tumnas in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Top half human, lower half deer. Cute little guys, mostly, with horns protruding from their foreheads. They play panpipes very well.

So, those are your options... Happy voting!

Esmie xXx

The Results of Poll 3

2007-12-17T18:11:00.000Z

Well... the greatest, longest standing question in philosophy and religion and all that stuff has been answered, and the results are almost as I expected. Let me explain the options you had:

Question: Is there a God?
- 'God' with a capital G is the dude in the bible who created the world in seven days and created man in his image and then made women out of his rib or whatever it was. If you believe in this God, then you also believe in the Devil and Heaven and Hell and all those stories.

1. Yes of Course - you are a Theist
- This means, yes, there is a God with a capital G and he is omnipotent, omnipresent and omnibenevolent. The Biblical God. This received 6/19 votes or 31%
[Edit: Ok, you can take this option without believing in all the stories, and the God you believe in is the Christian one - just that not all parts of the bible are taken literally - sorry !!! >_<]

2. No, its Impossible - Atheist
- You should have chosen this one if you dont believe in God, the Devil, Heaven, Hell, anything the Bible says, or indeed, anything that any religion says. 1/19 votes or 5%

3. Maybe - Agnostic
-You haven't made up your mind yet. You are waiting for more evidence to decide either way, and you don't feel the need to pick a side. 1/19 votes or 5%

4. Not in the Biblical style
-Perhaps you believe in a god, or gods, without a capital G - or a heaven and hell that are not the same as the ones portrayed by the bible. Perhaps you believe in some other guiding force or ideal or reincarnation. Or maybe you are a scientologist. This got 10/19 votes or 52%

5. Does it Matter?
-I did wonder if anyone would actually pick this, because in the end, does the fact that God may or may not exist actually make any difference to anything we do, or the result of our work and time here on Earth? 1/19 votes or 5%

Guess you all want to know what I chose - well it was option 4; you may have been able to tell by the tone of this piece that I am skeptical about the possibility an all-seeing, all-knowing and all-good being can exist. However, I believe in something else - and the only real term for this is a 'god' - I believe that the world itself is our god - it gave us life, it feeds us, it protects us, it can destroy us in an instant - and through all things on this Earth flows a kind of energy, an eternal spirit that keeps us close and bonded as one living, feeling, breathing unit.

We are animals - different from other animals, but still, we are not special, our existance is based on chance - we got lucky that various genes came together this way, proved to work, allowed us to survive and now here we are - in the position of most powerful and dangerous species in the world. Some might say thats because God put us in this position. I say prove it. It could just as well be aliens that dropped us here, or a big space portal leading to a distant corner of the Universe that the first people fell through, hundreds, thousands, millions of years ago or whatever.

I also believe that when we die, we go back into the earth that created us, our atoms and molecules joining with new particles, and we become new things - reincarnation of a sort - the plastic that makes up your milk bottle was once atoms that could have been part of a person, or part of a star or part of anything imaginable. As for your conscious, your spirit, your energy - what you think makes you human and special, what allows you to love and be happy or sad, or angry - that departs to your own paradise - not a Heaven, where the angels and good people hang out - but your own, eternally peaceful idea, where you are happy, able to do as you please and are always contented. Of course, if you think you are going to Hell when you die, then your idea of the afterlife might not turn out to be so rosy when you get there - your own personal hell.

Well thats my belief - sorry for being so deep there but this is quite a serious subject - I dont know if there is a religion out there for people who share my beliefs - maybe I should start a cult or something *lol*.

Now, I know Osayo has been dying to get his teeth into this debate, but to start things off, it can be clearly seen that most people do not believe in a capital G 'God' - some do, most don't - some don't really even care or haven't thought about it. So, explain your choices guys.. tell me what you do/do not believe in and why you believe so.

I will not tolerate any criticisms of religion or hurtful comments directed against members of a particular faith - I know most of you will never consider saying such things, but it is all too easy to tun a 'does God exist' debate into a 'all religions are evil and God is bullshit' statement - so please dont - the issue here is your own personal beliefs, not to attack those of others.

Esmie xXx

Petition To Increase the Number of Allowed Groups

2007-12-16T21:09:00.001Z

From 25 to 50! Started by a bunch of DJ's, proving they are useful for something other than ruining parties with dreary music and muffled song introductions.

Read and Sign Here!

Seriously, who wouldn't want to have the choice to be allowed into more groups - I have had to delete several off my list recently because my friends are starting up business ventures or whatever or are getting involved in more and more things as their SL develops, and want to get me to be a part of it. I'm only number 112 on the petition, but I think every resident would sign it given the knowledge that it exists, so spread the word! We want more groups!

Esmie xXx

Fame!

2007-12-16T03:13:00.000Z

Well, the show went about as well as could be hoped for, that is, fucking brilliant. It felt so good to stand up there, everyone's eyes on me, I felt like a real star and it kicked ass. Even though my friends kept IMing me, and they were shouting n stuff lol - it was distracting but I really enjoy being the centre of attention, it doesn't happen often to me in RL.

I gotta say thanks to Sebastiaan, cos without his careful and friendly guidance, I wouldn't have been able to do it, as well as thanks to the owners and the other models for being such great guys and making the experience so fun.

I think that will be the last underwear/speedo show that I do, tho - Nicholai didn't like the thought of all those guys staring at me, and he afterwards explained how he wanted to keep 'me in my underwear' something special that just he gets all to himself. Which is fine by me and I understand it - I probably wouldn't like to sit there while a big bunch of guys made naughty comments about him. So - I will be doing shows that involve real clothes in future - just nothing too revealing. He also asked that any pics of me from the event be destroyed or all given to him, which I can't see happening easily - altho I didn't hear a camera once. So yeah, I dunno. But we sorted out the problems and had some rough sex to make us both feel better =)

Esmie xXx

Fashion Show

2007-12-15T19:31:00.000Z

Ok well here I am, with 25 minutes before the first people start showing up at Fashion House, and Nicholai has dragged me off to Naughty to check for new men's hair *lol* it is a crazy situation.

I am so nervous about the show, despite knowing exactly what I have to do and having practiced several times. I worry most about crashing, but we have a great contingency plan in place for that. The other models are so much fun and the owners - Eddi and Javier - run a nice tight ship that has room for a joke and fun, which I love.. working with these guys is great, even if they are mostly over-muscled steroid guzzlers *lol* they are awesome fun.

It starts at noon SL time and goes on until 2pm.. here is the SLURL :)

H & W Fashion House

Its gonna be awesome, and you get to see me wearing speedos and thongs so dont miss it :P

Esmie xXx

Esmiel the Merman

2007-12-14T13:15:00.000Z

Well some of you may have seen me flopping about the beach recently or floating in my own aquarium - don't tap the glass please guys, it really pisses me off - but of course, the natural home for any merperson is the open sea. I've become so used to having a fish tail for legs that walking around seems almost wierd now, although I can transform from time to time if things like fashion shows and poses require it. Anyways, my original idea for a sim build with CNDG was going to be an advanced urban metropolis, that spread vertically rather than horizontally - only perhaps 30 or 40% of the sim plan area would be used, but it would stretch hundreds of feet into the air.

My plan has changed. How does an underwater city sound? Like Atlantis, but there are already a few of those dotted about and they aren't exactly immersive or authentic feeling. So how a bout a full sim of underwater buildings - some ancient ruined, flooded human dwellings as well as some newer Merpeople buildings - how exactly these will look is up for debate, but I imagine stone columns, huge temples and smaller homes made from hollowed-out balls of kelp and plants, as well as caves and shipwrecks, and all manner of wierd under sea crap.

Hmm I think it will work, and I also think it will be awesome. Who knows, maybe both my ideas will be used :)

Esmie xXx

I'm writing a Story...

2007-12-12T12:05:00.000Z

Yes, indeed I am. A short fantasy, basically set in a world similar to the ones found in Lord Of The Rings, Dungeons and Dragons, Warcraft, Elder Scrolls etc. But it focuses, for the first part anyways, on a boy named Aeren, with pale blue eyes and blue-black hair, and so far I have written about 2 and a half pages just about his life from the age of 9 to 11 *lol* but things are going to be sped up a bit until he is 16 - because that is how old he is when he meets the 15 year-old Rihann, with his almond-shaped deep green eyes and fine silky golden hair...

Cos its a love story!

Its a little different for me, this time I have to totally create and flesh out characters, give them a detailed history and describe their world - the village, the distant city of the Emperor, the twin suns that heat their similar-yet-oh-so-slightly-different-to-our-own planet. I have even drawn a little map to help me figure things out... and I have absolutely no idea where this story is going to take the two boys. None at all, I have a beginning in my mind and on paper, I have an idea about the middle... as for the end - who knows.

I will not be posting this story on the blog, because it is far too good and long for that. What I will do, however, is send it to you by email, if you ask for it - when it is done - or perhaps even mail you a copy of the book if it gets published =P

However, I think I might have to do a few short stories to make it book-worthy. Although this could turn out to be 20 A4-sized pages long, that isnt enough for a book, and I will possibly do some other 'gay-interest' love stories to accompany it. Don't expect anything to be finished for months tho - this is a long term ongoing project that requires long breaks when my brain starts to dry up :)

Esmie xXx

Party Details

2007-12-10T18:54:00.001Z

Ok well we've figured out that the 22nd of December - a saturday - is the best day and that the best time will be about 2pm SL time.

Now, we want this to be ballroom-style slowdancing. For that, everyone needs a partner to dance with. So make sure you bring someone if you get invited :) There's room for maybe 10 couples so.. errm.. my friends list of 130 is gonna be mostly full of pissed off people :( wish there was another way to do this. But I am gonna invite as many people as I can, and if we run out of dances and space then we'll find a way to manage :)
Please feel free to bring along your own slowdance, ballroom or tango balls :)
There will be a big fast dance ball incase we are left with a few odd people with no partners. Hopefully you'll all know each other and be able to pair up :)

Will be sending out invites this week so look out for them!

Esmie xXx

The Results of Poll Number 2

2007-12-09T21:58:00.001Z

Well well well. Looks like the humans trounced the opposition. Seems like horns, tails, wings, and furry ears really aren't that popular! Who knew?!

The results, in order:

1. Humans - 13, 59%
2. Nekos - 4, 18%
=3. Angels - 2, 9%
=3. Faeries - 2, 9%
5. Demons - 1, 4%
6. Furries - 0,0%

Well I was expecting Nekos to do a little better. You know which one I voted for? Demons!
Cos I find dark, mysterious power and the idea of being corrupted and used quite sexy. Well, very sexy actually. Plus, they all have foot-long tongues - whats not to love?

Ok so there you are, I admitted that. Now, I wanna hear you guys give your reasons/excuses for your choices! Convince me that Humans are indeed the sexiest, or else I shall have to pick a mythical being as the winner out of spite for all you human-lovers!

The next poll is a bit more serious and could open us up to some serious philosophical debate. Is there a God? There are more than just Yes or No options here tho - check it out and give your honest feelings :)

Esmie xXx

Busy day

2007-12-09T19:49:00.000Z

Well I got the email to in-world message crossover thing set up. It works amazingly well - just edit a note into groups of avs (using their UUIDs) and send an email to the gateway box with the group name as the subject - the message gets delivered to everyone in the group in that sexy in-world green script text. Currently collecting the UUIDs of each member of CNDG to put into the box :)

Nicholai and I went shopping for trees, decorations, dances - there is an amazing new v7 dance at Bits and Bobs! - and errrmm.. penises and nipples and butt plugs.

Sometimes something happens that really makes you feel so good and totally makes your day...

[11:47] Jo Beatty: esmiel your avis is beautiful
[11:47] You: aww thank you :)
[11:47] Nicholai Heita: o.o
[11:47] Jo Beatty: your welcome..such a pretty face

Its so good to be back, it feels like I was gone months, not just two days lol

Esmie xXx

Internet Problems

2007-12-09T02:27:00.000Z

£$%"!!!!!F&*+%^£**?@C!!*T<*^£W~#*&$£!!!!!!

The internet connection for my ISP (Virgin Media) was cut over about half the city or something over the past few days. I had no way of checking email or logging into SL or anything. Fucking pissed me off so much - and its taken this long to get it back, and it still doesn't work on one of the pc's cos somehow the frickin thing's network card got reset so I am not in a very good mood. My rl bf also left saturday morning to go down to London and it will be a couple of weeks before I see him again, and although my roomie is amazing company and a fab guy to be around, I was desperately worried about not getting into SL and being all lonely n shit. I fucking missed you all so much.... And now I have to download a fucking update before I can get on!! Aaaarghhhhhhhhh hurry you bastard!

Oh yes, by the way. My exams were a total nightmare and I think I might have failed them all, meaning I may possibly have to drop out of this year and then retake it. Yay!

Esmie xXx

Snow!

2007-12-05T12:47:00.000Z

Holy shit it got deep quickly...

...and yes, that is our house :)

Other developments recently...

I have a new job at CNDG, I work for Aprikat as her assistant. Basically I help her out with stuff and also work on various side projects for the team, like finding a suitable rl/sl crossover communications thing. I love working with the team so much and I am so glad they didn't kick me out when I revealed my lack of desire to build on these projects and then also revealed I was pretty useless at alot of other stuff. Lucky they love me :)

Here is my boss, friend, almost aunty/mom type figure - (she is Gabe's SL mom), Aprikat Wildcat:

There are other things going on too, but thats all you get for now :)

Esmie xXx

Party Time!

2007-12-05T12:17:00.001Z

Nicholai suggested the idea of a christmas party at our place and of course, its a fabulous way to kick off the holiday season.

So, we are making up some invitations for distributing in-world. Look out for those soon. However, I figured it best to announce it here as well, earlier so that I can get some opinions on one or two things.

Its going to be ballroom-style dancing and the theme is formal red and white. So that means suits and tuxes for the guys... and ball gowns and various other huge, flamboyant dresses for the ladies... or guys too, cos Nicholai will be dressing up in his gorgeous outfit I bought for him. It was ehhhmmm.. a little expensive *looks sadly at his empty wallet* but he looks amazing so it was well worth it.

So, yeah, white suits, red suits, red and white suits, red dresses, white dresses, red and white dresses are required. I've iced over the pool so we can use that as a big dance floor :D

As for the date and time, I'm thinking 20th december. Time.. well, we have alot of friends from all over the world who I want to give the chance to make it to the party. Time zones are such a bitch. So, I was thinking maybe 2 pm SL time. Thats 10pm UK time, 5pm East Coast US and ummm... 7am in Australia on the 21st. I can't think of any other time that allows as many people to come... any suggestions are welcome ;)

Esmie xXx

My Life for the past 8 weeks.

2007-12-04T16:52:00.000Z

What am I on about? Well I figured I'd let you take a little look at some of the stuff I've been studying recently, and attempt to explain it, thereby furthering my own understanding and aiding my memorisation of certain aspects. Here are some choice morsels from this term :)

Maths - I've already done this exam, but hey, easiest thing first to warm you up :)

This involved, amongst other mind-bendingly boring things:

Vectors - integration; differentiation; Divergence, Stokes' and Greens' Theorems; Div, Grad and Curl of a line. Parametrisation of a line and plane.

It would all have been alot simpler if the lecturer wasn't such a total jerk and didn't do stupid things like change the questions to fit the (originally) wrong answer he got from it. Here is a typical question - one of the rare ones I can actually comprehend and do right - from one of the middle sections of the course.

(I should point out the vector field f is not used for this part of the question).

This basically wants us to find the curl of the gradient of a field (the field is represented by 'phi' - the little circle with a line through it) given by a set of co-ordinates in 3D space. The space is divided by three axes with labels x, y and z. A vector of magnitude (length) one unit (A unit vector) along these axes is labelled i, j or k respective of axis - i for x, j for y, k for z.

What we now do is use a formula for gradient to get a new set of co-ordinates - this was given to us at an earlier stage. The formula states that (x,y,z) co-ordinates in the 'phi' scalar field become (d(phi)/dx, d(phi)/dy, d(phi)/dz) where d(phi)/dx is the derivative of the function 'phi' with respect to x. That gives us the bottom line of the matrix (the box thing with 3 rows and 3 columns) in the answer below. The top row is made up of the i, j and k unit vectors mentioned above. Dont ask me why, thats just what it is, and it works so go along with it.

The middle row of that matrix is made up of a further derivative (one for each axis) which is put there because thats what the formula for curl tells us to do.

We must find the determinant of this matrix, and that will give us the values of the curl of the gradient of the scalar field 'phi' in each axis. As you can clearly see, all that you do is multiply it out.. so for the i vector direction (along the x-axis) we take the derivative (with respect to the y axis) of the derivative of 'phi' with respect to the z-axis ((d^2(phi))/(dydz)) and away from that we take the derivative (with respect to z) of the derivative of 'phi' with respect to the y-axis ((d^2(phi))/(dzdy)). Essentially, they are both exactly the same thing and subtracting one from the other leaves you with 0. (You subtract them because that is what you do when finding the determinant *lol*). This 0 is the value of the curl of the gradient of the field along the x-axis. Repeat the steps for the j and k unit vectors (y- and z-axes) and you find they cancel each other out, due to the wierd way one turns out to be a negative and the other positive.

Hence, the answer is (0,0,0) and will always be that, regardless of the actual values of any of the vectors or co-ordinates.

That question would take me about 5 minutes to do in an exam, and I just spent about 30 writing it out for you there, I hope you appreciate that *lol*

Ok, next (and the last for now) is...

Electromagnetism

We had two lecturers for this... the first guy was a fat oaf and the second one was actually a brilliant guy who teaches well, and I understood his section much more easily. This is taken from the fat oaf's part.

He didn't explain what a dielectric actually is and then gave us this set of formulae. Its not a question, I just wanna show you the kinda range of symbols, variables and equations we work with.

I can see how the maths works, I can work through it and get the correct result... but I actually have no idea what its really talking about. Yay :)

Don't do physics at university, kids! There are no lasers, no explosions, no spaceships and definitely no young, sexy lecturers. Just loads and loads and loads of that stuff above. Its not even interesting anymore, I dont really know why I bother *lol*

Esmie xXx

Poll 2 So Far

2007-12-04T01:01:00.000Z

Early results suggest the Human team has taken a clear lead. I guess tails, wings and fluffy ears aren't everyone's idea of hotness. I'm surprised nekos aren't way out in front, however I hope they will be clawing their way back to the top soon.. altho they are not the ones I voted for ;)

I had a feeling Furries would be in last. I should have put in vampires, but never mind.. I'll be thinking up more stupidly crazy 'sexiest' contests pretty soon. Demons and Angels lag far behind with the faeries. Maybe people dont know what a faerie is? Like a pixie or sprite or nymph - honestly I find them quite sexy (as long as they arent Thumbelina-sized.. that would be wierd).. the silky, colourful wings and pale skin, pointy ears and lush, glistening hair. Yum :)

Of course, there is still plenty of time to vote and change the outcome. Once the poll has closed, I will make a post about my choice and why I chose it... I shall also be expecting at least half of the voters from this time to explain their choice, because if you can't give me a good reason or justification why your chosen being should win, I will pick the overall winner all by myself :P

Esmie xXx

Poll Number 1 Results

2007-12-02T17:03:00.000Z

So it seems like 'some' gay people live up to their stereotype intentionally (100% of the vote). I'm talking things like 'oh I'll wear pink because its a gay colour' or 'I hate Madonna but I'll listen to her shit because all the other gay guys do'. Not a surprising result, to be honest, because obviously there will always be 'some' guys who do it. I know many gay men actually like the colour pink and Madonna, and also that many gay men hate those things. But has anyone ever 'liked' them just because its the 'gay' thing to do? I bet a few people have, and of course, there are many other examples such as over acting your effeminateness or taking certain drugs or whatever that are popular on the gay scene.

Of course, stereotypes are a bad thing, and are most often untrue - until that is, someone in the stereotyped group decides to make it true, because he/she believes that it is the way they should be, in order to fit into that group.

So what can we do about it? Discouraging stereotypes is impossible when people try to make them a reality, and when so many people have so many prejudices.

Therefore the answer is, not alot - except realise it is more important to be unique and to be yourself than it is to fit in with any ideal or scene, and passing this message on to others is the only way to change the way gay people are stereotyped and the way some of us live up to it.

The next poll is a little more fun ;)

Esmie xXx

Happy Rezday Adian!

2007-11-30T20:03:00.000Z

Yay Adian :D

Hope you had a good year buddy and I hope the rest of them are equally awesome.

I also really hope you like the pic ;)

*hugs*

Esmie xXx

dirt update

2007-11-30T11:44:00.000Z

So far, we have managed to create a new group, simply called 'dirt' and have put out a notice in the old 'dirt magazine' group asking people to switch. We'll be deleting the old group soon, and kicking out anyone who hasn't left. Of course, you don't have to have been in the old group to be in the new one! Just search for 'dirt' in groups, its open enrollment so feel free to become a member. The more, the merrier as they say.

We've worked out that Osayo will be doing HTML and layout things for the blog, I'll be designing images and things like that. Already had a couple of people say they want to help out with writing - if you do, IM me. I'll ask you to write a short note reviewing your favourite place/store/outfit, so get thinking and if its good you will most likely get a place on our team :)

Things are going steadily and I doubt I will be able to do much work on dirt until after next week (my exams), but once I start, dirt will be kicked into gear and things will really start to get awesome.

Esmie xXx

Karl Has a Habit of Pissing Me Off...

2007-11-29T21:46:00.000Z

He sends me a snapshot and this is the IM convo that ensued.

[13:32] Karl Dorance: my new skin
[13:32] Esmiel Posthorn: :O i didnt see it earlier, you were all grey
[13:32] Karl Dorance: aww
[13:32] Esmiel Posthorn: dammit you SOB thats MY skin
[13:32] Karl Dorance: ROFL
[13:32] Karl Dorance: but I got pubes :P
[13:32] Esmiel Posthorn: fucks sake.. first Dagon, now you
[13:33] Esmiel Posthorn: looks very hot tho :)
[13:33] Karl Dorance: hehe thanks
[13:34] Karl Dorance: looks like your gonna have to get a new skin now
[13:34] Karl Dorance: lol
[13:34] Esmiel Posthorn: fuck, you're right
[13:34] Esmiel Posthorn: lol
[13:34] Karl Dorance: ROFL
[13:35] Esmiel Posthorn: dammit you buncha assholes
[13:35] Esmiel Posthorn sighs
[13:38] Karl Dorance: hahah
[13:39] Karl Dorance: now now no need to be all sulky, come to daddy, lemme make you feel better *wink*
[13:39] Esmiel Posthorn: thats just sick
[13:39] Karl Dorance: ROFL

I love Karl, really... if it wasn't for him I'd have nobody to insult.

Esmie xXx

Demons and Angels

2007-11-29T00:23:00.000Z

I've been a dark angel before but never a full-on demon. Today that changed and I grew some big-assed horns, a pointy tail and some freakishly evil wings. I had just finished fitting my new parts when Nicholai dropped in. Nicho has always been the lighter, purer side of the partnership (at least he pretends to be :P) and his angel gear is looking a little old, so we went off to Material Squirrel (after some extremely hot and naughty fun :P) to find him new wings and a sparkly halo. I took us to Apollo, an old favourite of ours, possibly the greatest, most romantic sim in SL. I hope to one day own a place like this...

We snuggled down in the tallest tower and discussed various things, mainly Gor - Nicholai's memories of it and how he feels as if I am his Master and he is my slave - which he loves the idea of, I can tell. I don't, although having him as a slave would not be a bad thing, as after the chat he demonstrated to me what made him the best male slave in all of Gor... daaaamn it was good. But no freaking way am I ever going Gorean, I would sooner be eaten by a 'larl' or something.

Esmie xXx

Question: Why do gay men use ribbed condoms?

2007-11-26T09:50:00.001Z

Of course, not all of them do, but thats not the point of this joke, just wait until the punchline. First tho, I wanna talk about safe sex in SL. I notice none of us have any STDs. We all have perfect bodies and organs and things. SL is odd in that way, in that it tries to be so real in some ways and yet is total fantasy in others. I've had maybe ten sexual partners in SL and never onced used a condom *gasp*. If I had said 'RL' there, you might think I was some kinda skanky disease-ridden slut. (Actually I have only had one partner in RL and I don't plan on having any others...).

But in SL, 10 guys in a year? Sounds like a tiny number. But when you consider that for about 8 months of that year I have been in full time relationships it makes sense. But hang on a minute Esmie - if you have a strong, loving relationship of 3 years in RL then why do you need one in SL? Honestly I cant answer that, I just feel like I have a big hole inside of me when I don't have anyone to share this SL with. It may sound as if my RL relationship is not enough for me - it is, more than I could possibly ever hope for - but for some reason, when I came into SL, I felt like I needed someone else to share it with me.

Maybe its just a typical Pisces thing.

Oh crap I had better go get on with my lab book write-up - it's due in today and I also have to get to the bank and wait in for some mail (that might not come) and shower and have lunch and maybe attend an optional tutorial class at uni. Busy day, but luckily, the last one for the week, seeing as I am now in Study week and will be revising hard until the weekend. Somehow I dont quite believe that, but we'll see...

Answer: Traction in the mud.

Eeeeeeeew!!! I'm outta here...

Esmie xXx

Maybe we should call it 'ash' now?

2007-11-24T18:54:00.000Z

Ok well here's the news:

Chester has decided to leave his post at dirt magazine to pursue his career as a builder for CNDG.

He's been stressing over the mag and he really enjoys building alot more, so I hope he is happier now and there are no hard feelings. I was a bit upset at first when I read the note, but I am also kinda relieved - I wouldn't want to work with him if he wasn't enjoying himself, and now he is, and we all still love him so its all good in the end. To be honest, I was struggling to meet the deadlines for this month, dunno about Os, but it was a strain and a burden at times.

So.. what to do about dirt?

With the founder/creator, page and layout designer and chief editor gone, we were in a bit of a mess. Basically I saw three options;

1 - Let dirt die.

2 - Assemble a new team and return next year, continuing as an in-world magazine.

3 - Develop it into a blog, jointly written by Osayo and myself, with articles, reviews and all the usual goodness of dirt, combined with some fresh new talent on the writing and modelling front.

We plumped, as you might have expected/be very glad to hear, for option number 3. I am in the process of setting up the new blog using Blogger and we will be looking at maybe 4 or 5 writers in total, one review or article a fortnight each (or something, nothing has been decided yet). As always, dirt will continue to be un-affiliated with any in-world store, and all products we feature will be because we like them and want to show off.

Osayo's Travel and my Advice columns/features will continue and will be expanded - it is possible to fit much more onto a webpage than into the page of a magazine in-world. So, dirt will be bigger, better and easier to access, no need to ask one of us for a copy or find a vendor - just click the link that will soon be appearing in the Links section (oddly enough).

As for hiring new talent - well, we can't offer you much in the way of pay - if/how we will sell ad space on the blog is yet to be resolved - but you will be doing something you (hopefully) love and working with fun, exciting and sexy people. Just IM me if you are interested in writing or modelling for the blog - details are to be finalised but its always nice to have a list of hopeful applicants handy :)

Dirt issue #3 - the Sexxx issue - will not be released in SL. However, before you lynch us all, you will be pleased to know that our work for that issue will form the basis of our first posts on the blog so you will still get the best bits.

I will of course keep you updated on our progress and will be letting you know when the blog is opened and ready.

Esmie xXx

Far Away

2007-11-24T03:44:00.000Z

all we have to do
is look far away
to discover what
is closest to our hearts