Saturday 2 May 2009

Surviving the Apigalypse

Okay.. we all know that the media has totally overblown this whole swine flu thing, and we are not all gonna die. Right?

WRONG. Thats exactly what they want you to think. They make it seem like it is all hype so that you don't panic. Trust me people.. all this time we were watching the birds... it was the pigs who were quietly biding their time. They have us now. The Apigalypse is upon us.

But fear not.. help is at hand! To keep yourself pure and prevent being tainted by one of the soon-to-be billions of infected, all you need to do is cover your mouth and nose!

The wonderful creators in Second Life clearly foresaw this pandemic occuring and have been producing vast amounts of different styles of nose-and-mouth-coverings (from here-on known as 'masks'), some to suit all wallets, tastes and faces. Here are just a few that I have been stockpiling in preparation for this day.

"::: B@R ::: Mask - White w Hearts"
Creator: June Dion.
Store: Bare Rose.
Pros: Includes a range of colours (inc. black, blue and pink); is cheap and easy to fit.
Cons: Too easy for microbes to get in around the edges.


"Climatix Mask"
Creator: Hern Wosley.

Store: AVZ.
Pros: Particle clouds, changing colour effects, comes with two sizes.
Cons: Makes you look a bit like a wannabe Vader.

"G581 Full Face Gas Mask"
Creator: Khai Sinister.
Store: The Abyss.
Pros: Complete facial protection, very well made.
Cons: Makes you look like a frickin gimp. Gets a bit sweaty.

"Cyber Respirator"
Creator: Krius Misfit.
Store: SiniStyle.
Pros: Lightweight, soft leather straps, looks good.
Cons: Wires may get broken easily; annoying to fit perfectly.

"AD14 Gas Mask (headstraps)"
Creator: Faye Gelfand.
Store: Ambush.
Pros: Colourful; Sound and Particle Effects. Range of strap options.
Cons: Particles look a bit crap. A bit chunky.

"Scorpion Mask"
Creator: Juliet Ceres.
Store: Bitter Thorns.
Pros: Colour changing effects, looks totally badass.
Cons: Could maybe have better texturing on solid parts.

"Bandit Bandana"
Creator: Avant Scofield.
Store: The Good Life.
Pros: Gangsta Style.
Cons: Gangsta Style.

"The Respirator"
Creator: Tonk Tomcat.
Store: TonkTastic.
Pros: A range of (awesome) colours, styles, textures, effects.
Cons: Expensive.

"Ski Mask"
Creator: Christabel North.
Store: 4mc.
Pros: Range of styles; Keeps you warm.
Cons: Screams 'Rapist'.

I may continue this well-researched and highly valuable guide with such choice information as where to find clean food and water, weapons and how to end the suffering of the inflicted permanently.

We will see how things unfold.

~ I felt it important to add that I am not mocking the disease itself - it is clearly quite nasty and people have died from it, and thats horrible; I am mocking the government and media's obsession with it, and the way they are trying to scare us all. It does provide a nice distraction from the economy tho, right?~

Esmie xXx

7 comments:

Osayo said...

When the looming hamdemic strikes we will all be prepared now.

I am on this though, I am eating as many pigs as possible to stop another bacon lung outbreak in the future.

And, just to make sure that mad cow disease doesn't rear its ugly head again, I am eating as many of those mother f*ckers as I can too.

My pants feel tight.

Esmiel said...

Os... my Blog & I missed your comments. Everything is right in the World now.

Dehrynn said...

I am just glad the regular flu isn't receiving the media attention. Its only killed 13000 ppl this year, so I'd hate to see what would have to happen for it to become front-page news again.
Awesome comments Esmi. I think we are all fatigued by this ridiculous focus.
Anyway, love the face-gear! <3
xD

Esmiel said...

Regular flu? Regular flu? What the hell?! Nobody told me about this, omg!!!

13,000 PEOPLE? HOLY FUCKING HELL!

OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIEEEEEEE... wait... it isn't named after an animal... its okay... we're safe.

That was a close one.

Ima Peccable said...

We're still alive?! How'd that happen!!

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