Tuesday, 31 July 2007

False Alarm

*PHEW* Seems like the letting agent company's records were a YEAR out of date on our place. How the fuck can they do this. They piss us around so much, just cos we're students and they think we have no rights. Well they are gonna get it in the ass! Being students we also know how to bitch and moan with the best of them so they are gonna wish they had bothered dealing with us before! Mwahahahaaha

Oh and if you ever get a place in Edinburgh, don't go with Grant Management. They fucking suck and treat their tenants like shit.

So, looks like I wont be going anywhere anytime soon. Still should get round to packing tho...

Esmie xXx

Oh Shit!

Had an interesting phone call a little earlier. "It seems new tenants will be moving into your place on the 2nd of august. So start packing."

Hang on.. thats in TWO motherfucking days?! I should have done some packing already, and I have, but not much... I thought we would get more warning than this. The thing is, they cant say whether this is for definite or not. They don't KNOW if new tenants will be moving in, they just seem to have found a sheet of paper that says so. Greeeaaaat. As I have to pack sometime anyway, I guess I should get on with it now, just in case. My ex-roomies are gonna be running over here to help me pack up my stuff and I'm gonna store it at their place til me n the bf can sort out a place of our own.

So, if you don't see me online over the next few days its because I am packing, tidying and moving all my stuff. This pc will go last, so I might be able to pop on for a few minutes before it goes away, but I might not see any of you for a few days. So... if anybody asks where I am, if you could tell them what I'm doing and why I'm not online... I would be most grateful. If the whole thing is a false alarm then I will be on tonight for sure :)

Esmie xXx

Oscar Wilde and SL

Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) said some truely great things. But I was looking at a list of his quotes today at www.quotationspage.com and one really stood out to me.

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
Oscar Wilde
This is so true for me. I can reveal alot more of my true RL self in SL than to people and friends in RL because I can hide behind the 'mask' of my avatar.It's an incredible paradox that we hide in order to reveal more of ourselves. I still can't explain how this works or why this is, but it seems Oscar had an idea about it too :)

He also said this...

"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead."


Esmie xXx

Monday, 30 July 2007

Post 100 - Angels Part 5

Ok, as it's my 100th post I thought I would treat you all. Here is Angels Part 5. I have enjoyed writing it so much that I couldn't wait to start my next story for you, so I got this done and over with today. I am sorry for teasing you all so much, but I hope the early release of this part makes up for it :)


Esmiel runs his warm, wet finger down Nicholai’s spine and presses it against his hole, rubbing and probing gently as he slides it in, gently stretching the angel’s perfect, beautiful ass around it. Nicholai lets out a soft cry as he feels Esmiel’s finger slip into him, and his hand clenches around the dark one’s cock as he moans his name, "Ahhh...Eshy.."

Smiling, Esmiel kisses Nicholai softly on the lips... "It gets better..." he whispers as his finger nudges the blonde angel’s gland, the movement stretching him slightly further, and Esmiel’s other hand takes a hold of Nicholai’s shaft and strokes it gently and teasingly. The little angel lets out a trembling cry as he feels the finger against his gland, and his cock begins to drip, as his hand fumblingly rubs at Esmiel’s cock, both angel’s breathing getting heavier and their bodies developing a sheen of glistening sweat.

Esmiel pushes his finger deeper into Nicholai’s ass, stretching and preparing him as much as possible before pulling it out and gently rolling on top of the angel, pressing Nicholai’s body down into the pillows as he gets down on his knees between the blushing angel’s legs and looks into his eyes, Esmiel’s own cold blue ones aflame with passion and desire.

Nicholai’s deep blue eyes stare back, full of trust and love, and Esmiel runs his fingers through the feathers in the angel’s soft white wings as he leans over him, the head of his cock rubbing against Nicholai’s entrance. The dark angel leans forward and kisses Nicholai gently as he rests the tip of his member on the angel’s rim and whispers “This is it… what we have both been missing so long… are you ready?”

Nicholai’s body shudders as he nods, closing his eyes and whimpering as he feels the warm, wet cock pressed against his entrance.

Esmiel slides the tip of his member into Nicholai very slowly, inch by inch pushing into him, giving the angel time to adjust and he stops as he reaches his hilt and breathes heavily as he leans in and kisses Nicholai deeply. Nicholai closes his eyes and winces, small tears escaping from below his lids as he feels Esmiel enter him, stretching him, then the pain turns to pleasure as he moans, feeling the dark angel fill him completely, and he gasps opening his mouth as he moves his hips gently.

Esmiel kisses the angel’s cheeks and reaches down with a hand, stroking his member gently as he begins to thrust into him slowly, his body rubbing against Nicholai’s, his dark wings stiff and spread.

Nicholai lets out a soft cry as he feels Esmiel pumping into him, and the hands stroking him become too much, as he cries out the dark angel’s name as his cock shoots his pure cum, his body shuddering, his ass clenching tightly, “Ahhh! Eshy!”

Esmiel groans as he feels himself tense and shudder and he shoots his seed deep into Nicholai, filling his hole with warm cum as he breathes heavily and collapses against the angel, his wings folding down and embracing him tightly.

Nicholai looks up into Esmiel’s eyes through his tousled blonde fringe, a serene smile on his face as he whispers, "I love you"

Esmiel looks back at Nicholai, the fires cool and mellow in his eyes and he sighs, "I love you too" and he kisses the angel’s lips, smiling softly…


At this point --> [Nicholai’s body shudders as he nods, closing his eyes and whimpering as he feels the warm, wet cock pressed against his entrance.], I was incredibly tempted to make it a six parter just to annoy you all, so think how lucky you are *lol*

Thanks so much for reading the Angels story, and my blog in general, it means a hell of a lot to me *hugs* to all of you

Esmie xXx

P.S. If you would like the story in a Word document or even the chat logs so you can find out how I did this, or both or none or whatever... email or comment and I will send them to you, no worries :)

Sunday, 29 July 2007

Lookit what I made!

I took indivdual pics of Nicholai and myself from SL and then pasted them on some image I stole off the internet then played around for a few hours trying to make us look more realistic.. obviously I failed, but it was alot of fun and really good practice for my skills. Its a work in progress so I'll maybe post the finished copy up here when I'm happy with it :)

Esmie xXx


I got voice. I love it.

Esmie xXx

Esmie the Elf

Had to happen sooner or later huh? For some background on my character, and Nicholai's Elven prince, check the Nekoboiz blog. I think we'll be keeping the RP just between us... not joining any groups or involving anything more than a forest, some imaginary bad guys, a swift fight, a rescue, a running away, a collapsing into each other's arms and then some hot love making ;D

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 28 July 2007

To Voice or not to Voice


Alot of my friends use it;
They say it is fun;
Alot of them have sexy voices, from what I heard on Skype;
It will be much quicker than typing, and save my wrists :) ;
It would allow me to get to know my friends better and display emotions easier;


I hate the client;
Alot of my friends don't use it;
Some of them might not have sexy voices :P ;
It will hurt my throat after a while if I talk too much;
I will display my emotions too easily *lol* and say things without thinking;
I am incredibly shy and quiet and I dont like speaking in crowded areas;
Will it mean the death of emotes and chat logs? :(( ;
My typing has improved alot since I started SL and is getting better because of it;

So.. I see more cons than pros here. Unless someone can convince me otherwise, I won't be using the voice client for as long as I can. I like typing :)

Esmie xXx

Friday, 27 July 2007

This is why I love SL

Yes, that is the world. With a rainbow around it and pink wings. Better known as BobbyBabe the gay angel guardian of Boots Beach. The dark figure with the huge wings to the top left is the beach's resident demon, Ryder, Bobby's nemesis. All the pretty white particles are his fault :)

Love this place, just because things like that can happen.

Esmie xXx

Angels - Part 4

Ok... this is the moment where it turns from romance into full-on hardcore erotica, and I hope I am as good at writing this as the previous parts... If you dont like material of a graphic sexual nature, don't read this. But of course... thats probably the main reason you've carried on reading huh? :P



As Esmiel leans in and passionately kisses him, Nicholai’s eyes widen and he gasps, stuttering “Eshy… what… is this feeling…” and Esmiel smiles softly and replies “As love is the feeling of your heart and soul, this is the physical feeling of love… and when all three are combined with another being, it is the greatest thing in all of creation… and I want to share that feeling with you…”

Nicholai gasps and moans softly, “Oh, Eshy…”, as Esmiel reaches down and places a hand on the angel’s member and starts to stroke it gently as he leans in and kisses his neck and shoulders, his lips caressing the soft, perfect skin and Esmiel buries his face in Nicholai’s shoulder, breathing in the scent he has missed so much. Nicholai closes his eyes and his breath hitches, as he experiences this wonderful new feeling, and he falls forwards against Esmiel, blushing sheepishly and mumbling softly, “weak knees…”

Esmiel smiles softly as he says "Come… I will lay you down so that you can relax and let the pleasure take you..." and he lays Nicholai down on the warm soft rug and removes his own silks and belts and he lies down beside the angel and takes him in his arms. Nicholai gasps and blushes at the sight of Esmiel’s naked muscular form, and his body trembles, as he feels the dark angel’s naked skin against his.

Esmiel holds the little angel in his arms, his hands moving across Nicholai’s skin, fingers gliding and caressing him all over, stroking and touching the angel lovingly. Nicholai sighs and shudders as he feels himself harden, and he relishes in the new feeling, pressing his head against Esmiel’s chest as the dark one takes Nicholai’s hand in his and places it on his growing member, his own hands tenderly stroking the angel’s shaft, their lips locked together as they kiss.

Nicholai looks at Esmiel, as his fingers delicately trace the outline of the dark angel’s growing member, and he asks softly, "what should I do?" and Esmiel simply replies "Whatever comes to you, as we lay together... you do it... follow your emotion and gut, and it will be raw and beautiful" and he moves his hand round behind Nicholai, rubbing his fingers over the soft, round cheeks of the angel’s butt and down between them lightly. Nicholai lets out a soft moan as he feels the hands on his butt, and he teasingly moves his fingertips up Esmiel’s shaft, tracing them around his head, then feeling something wet he takes some with his finger and brings it to his face to examine..."is this..."

Esmiel looks at Nicholai and nods "Yes… this is my... my seed..." and he blushes slightly as he reaches his hand lower, rubbing his finger over the angel’s entrance, as his eyes watch Nicholai’s closely, lost in their depth and beauty.

Nicholai closes his eyes as he places his finger in his mouth, and he lets out a moan as he feels the dark angel’s finger rubbing against his entrance, and he whimpers "oh... that feels... good..."

Esmiel brings his finger to the angel’s lips and whispers softly “moisten it and I can make it feel even better…” as he slips the finger into Nicholai’s mouth, the angel sucking on it gently, and his hot wet tongue circles around it. His hand wraps around Esmiel’s cock, rubbing it slowly…

There is one last episode after this, where the story reaches it's climax *harhar*... and then... I have another story to begin for you...

Esmie xXx

Scheme Change

I modified the colouring of the text on my blog because I remembered some people could be colour blind or have bad eyes or something and white on black is the best cure for that :D So hope you like it... If you have any suggestions for improvements, or anything you would like to see on my blog, don't hesitate to comment or email me or whatever. I know there are quite alot of you reading and some more comments and feedback would be nice... Poor Linx is doing all the work!

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 26 July 2007

Esmiel Posthorn is evil

I have finished Angels Part 4, but I'm gonna make you wait until tomorrow to read it cos I have to be sadistic at least once a week, and knowing how much you love to be tortured, here's a sneak preview...

"Nicholai gasps and blushes at the sight of Esmiel’s naked muscular form"


Esmie xXx

Some Stuff Esmie Likes Right Now

T.V: Gantz

A brutal, nasty, occaisionally funny and very upsetting at times anime series I just finished watching. Its a beautiful show, and it is incredibly addictive, all 26 episodes very watchable and at only 20 minutes each you can watch the whole lot in one day :) It has nudity and violence and gore and a stupid dog in it, which is always good. Its the very first anime series I've watched and I am thinking about moving on to Hellsing next which also looks pretty hardcore :D Give Gantz a try if you like that kind of thing... although its not for the squeamish or easily confused.

Film: Transformers Movie

Wow! Holy crap! Just go and watch it. Massive robots tearing chunks out of each other! Some laugh-out-loud funny bits! Shia LaBeouf! Seriously, I haven't seen a movie this good for a long, long time, so please go and watch it, I can't recommend it enough! It has Shia Labeouf in it too! ...Yeah I kinda like him ;D

Yum.. and only a year older than me too ;D

Thats all I got time for right now, gotta go have a very important business meeting or something! :D

*After the meeting*

Website: newgrounds.com

A seriously awesome website, with content created and submitted by any user. Flash games, movies, music too. Lots of time wasting opportunities and its presented in a cool, modern and attractive style.

Other Website: tv-links.co.uk

Another seriously awesome website, that, funnily enough, has links to streaming T.V shows. Also movies, anime and music videos! Great site, allows you to catch up on missed episodes and browsing the lists of shows can lead to some great discoveries. If the link works, that is :)

Music: Kaiser Chiefs

I loved this group's first album, entitled 'Employment', but it got old quite quickly, especially as they released all the best songs as singles, then re-released them and then one was re-re-released which is kinda nuts. They milked it, but their second album entitled "Yours Truly, Angry Mob" is absolutely brilliant. It's very similar to the last one, but is just much higher quality and the tunes.. so catchy and sing-along friendly! Its basically Brit rock alternative, and is perfect if you like that kind of thing :)

The Kaisers getting friendly... the drummer is the hottest (for once!) and he's on top :D

Esmie xXx

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

So... what *is* SL anyways?

Is it a game? Could you call it a chatroom? Its a virtual world, sure. It combines elements of chatrooms, MMORPGs... but still... it has something deeper about it. A Second Life is one you can choose. Think about it. If you had a choice in your First Life about your name, who you are, how you looked, what you did for a living... how similar would it be to the SL you?

Second Life is not a game, and anyone stupid enough to treat it as such doesn't deserve to have one. People pour their souls and emotions into their avatars, and many it seems (myself included) find it alot easier to admit and discuss personal issues, desires, history in a safe, virtual environment where their revelations will not have any negative effect - if anything, the person confided in feels close and trusted and is therefore more likely to share their own private feelings.

Of course, you have to draw a line somewhere between First and Second lives. It's doubtful that anyone in RL would love to hear about what crazy shit you get up to in SL, but it seems that SL friends can't get enough details and private info about my RL *lol* I wonder why... So, a sensible person has to decide what to reveal, what not to reveal... and whether to make anything up, invent something about themselves to make their RL seem more exciting. I can safely say I have never done this. I know my RL isnt particularly exciting or interesting, but who I am is a fact and not something I can invent as a piece of fiction - my imagination isn't quite up to that!

I know some people make shit up sometimes, and it doesn't hurt to give everyone an exciting, interesting story about what you did in the office yesterday, its fun :) But dont use it to play with people's emotions, guys. The biggest problem you'll encounter is when somebody asks you to prove it. What the fuck you gonna do huh? I think of the 'dude in a chick suit' examples here. Someone once told me it is predicted that up to 75% of 'women' in SL are in fact men in RL. I have no idea how this can be so... but think about it. 3 out of every 4 women on your SL friends list could be men. Crazy idea huh? But if they have never said "I am a woman in RL" then they aren't lying to you, are they? They aren't hiding it, you're just not asking the right question *lol* :)

So, SL has plenty of opportunities for fantasy and invention, and thats fine - escaping RL is what its all about, losing yourself in different friends, places, activities. But it isn't a game. Real emotions and feelings get hurt and I am constantly aware of this, as are most people I know. Our avatars, no matter how you dress them up, what roles they play, what stories you invent for them, how they act, what they say or why they even exist, are extensions of the real us, and they refelect the best and worst parts of that real person, and thats why this isn't a chatroom or a game - its an alternative world, rooted deeply in a real one.

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Is this better?

I changed my shape :) About time too, I've been using that other one for months, and that huge chin was getting to me lol

Dagon has always pissed me off by being so damn hot. Its what you might call a friendly rivalry and his latest shape and skin kick the crap out of mine. Being an absolute sweetheart he gave me the stats for his shape, which was a modified version of the one included with the Justin skins from The Good Life. It looked horrific with my skin so I set about thinning the lips, smoothing the eyebrows and so on, until I came up with this:

Having tried on several demos, I realise this is pretty much the best skin for me, so I wont be changing it any time soon... I'm still getting used to the new shape, but it is growing on me every day I like it more and more. Lots of people have said they like it already, others haven't even noticed. But I think it looks more realistic and slightly more handsome :)

I think the arms might be a little bit too fat tho...

Nicholai changed his shape too... its not as cute as his old one, and is pretty much identical in the body, but he looks slightly less perfect, and that makes him even more beautiful so I'm not complaining. ;D

If you want, leave a comment so I know if you guys like it or not.

Esmie xXx

Sunday, 22 July 2007

500 and growing

The Mission Bros Inc. group, more affectionately known as the Beach Bums, has just passed 500 members and is still growing day by day. I think it must be the largest gay group in all of SL by now... but don't quote me on that. Looking down the list of members, I can see dozens of names I added. Some of them I haven't seen since, others I see every day. Being a part of something so amazing is a real privilege, and I am constantly being reminded by the 'Bums what can really be done in SL. Its simple enough to provide help and support and advice to one person in need - but to deal with hundreds, every day... The Beach Bums have several levels of membership to help deal with issues more effectively.

Owned by Boots and Shawn Mission. I respect and admire these guys more than anybody else in SL. What they have built, and continue to build is a shining example of pure love and selflessness, and they have never lost touch with the group members, which is great :)

There are a few officers and some builders...

There are DJs, who provide some awesome music for us. My three favourites are Tarshigon, Dagon and Scottie. Love you guys.

We have Security too, who have simple ban/eject/freeze abilities. Naturally this role isnt given to just anyone. Only the 'Bums who know what the hell they are doing and have been with the Beach for a long time are invited to this role... and I am proud to be a member of this team. We don't just keep griefers away - we add new members, clean up dropped objects and offer advice and some much needed authority when things get a little crazy.

The Welcome Wagon role is important. As you can probably guess it is all about welcoming and adding new members, and they are really needed as the beach grows in popularity.

So, the Beach Bums are a complex bunch, like a large extended family; but we all have three common aims which keep us together: To have fun; To help those who need it; To be proud of who we are :)

Esmie xXx

Angels - Part 3

Apologies for the lateness, but I hope it is worth the wait for you. As I write this, I read back over the chat logs and edit them, keeping as much dialogue intact as possible, only editing it for grammar. I still can't believe we came up with this stuff off the top of our heads. I surprise myself with my romantic bullshit, and I am nothing like that in RL... but then again, situations like this rarely arise there.


The dark angel looks into the blonde’s eyes and says softly, “You bring love to all, including me, at last… but you have never made love? Never felt the raw joy and beauty of being together with a love, being at one with them? I can say I have… a very long time ago… but that is forgotten now”. The angel’s soft cheeks flush a dark red and he shakes his head, saying, “I am the purest of angels…”

The dark one pulls him closer and smiles, “Yes, you are… warm like the fires of the sun, but soft like the clouds that shield it, and pure as the rain that falls from them…” and he gently presses his lips to the angel’s, who moans softly as his smooth, untouched skin gently brushes against the dark one’s. The blonde one looks up and his eyes glow as something clicks in his head and he stutters, “You are… you’re… you’re Esmiel…” as a look of confusion passes across his face. The dark one looks at him sharply, “How do you know? My name… it is lost. Nobody cares to know it. My name ended the day I did, when I lost everything…” and he looks down, frowning and puzzled.

The blonde one looks up at Esmiel and whispers, “I was little, and you were playing with me when they took you… I remember now”. Esmiel looks back and sighs, “I have no memory of it - all I can remember is the pain - but your eyes… they are somehow familiar. I know you, I am sure… but your name… I cannot remember it…” and he trails off, looking down, his body feeling weak and limp. The angel looks at Esmiel and moves under his body, supporting him, and he whispers, "Nicholai..."

Esmiel looks up and smiles happily, light and joy in his eyes as his body stands straight and upright once more and he says excitedly, "My… my... Nicholai… I have missed you all this time without knowing it… that is what I have been searching for… you..." and he runs his fingers through Nicholai’s wings and kisses his forehead before pressing his cold, pale lips to Nicholai’s soft pink ones.

Nicholai feels tears stream down his face as he closes his eyes, losing himself in Esmiel’s touches and kisses....

Esmiel holds Nicholai’s body close to his, clutching him tightly as he wraps his wings around Nicholai, sighing and crying happily into his hair. He takes Nicholai’s face in his hands and kisses it all over, his sparkling eyes fixed on the angel’s.

Nicholai runs a hand down his velvet soft body, then with a snap, his only covering falls away, revealing his glowing and bare body, his eyes looking into Esmiel’s as tears stream down his face, "I... I... love you... Eshy...” Esmiel looks down at the angel’s bare body and his eyes glow softly with cold blue flame as he runs his hands down Nicholai’s sides and rests them on his butt, holding it gently, pulling Nicholai closer to him as he kisses his lips, his raw passion flowing between them and he looks into Nicholai’s eyes "I love you too… Nicholai..." he says with a warm smile.

Hopefully the next installment will be available friday ;D

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 21 July 2007

Recent Absence

Today is the first time I have touched a computer for over two days. I simply haven't had a chance to get in world or post to this blog - seems like my RL bf missed his computer a whole lot and is getting as much time as possible on it before he returns to London sunday morning. I am missing all of you loads and loads, and likely won't be back on again until sunday afternoon. Just so you know, everything is fine and there is no need to worry about me not being around, because I will be back very soon. Love and hugs and kisses to all of you :)

Esmie xXx

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

The Morning After

Esmiel Posthorn opens his eyes slowly and sits up. "What happened last night... Why am I sleeping upside down on the couch and covered in Gorilla Milk?" He stumbles over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of orange juice and looks out of the back window at the sun rising over the sea. "Oh.. I remember now! - The awesome party!".

That Gorilla Milk is hell to wash off, it is sooo sticky! What do you mean "it looks like spunk"?! You are so immature!

Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures. Yeah, I know. Dipshit of the Year contestant right here. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen and I didn't love it! Hoooo!
Massive thanks to everyone who came, you guys really made the party, Kitten and I had relatively little to do with it lol. A huge thanks especially to Jax for being a quote - "beautiful" drinks boy. Massive thanks also to Jamie for the fireworks! Congratulations to Kaleo, who won the stripping contest. Damn good show that was ;D He gets a 2 week rent free stay on one of our islands in Maupiti which I think he is going to share with Jax because Jax did him a favour or something...

Of course, thanks to my Kitten Nicholai for putting up with my incompetance and getting everything finished and sorted just in time. I love you baby :D

Thanks for making our first party go awesomely, guys and dont worry if you didn't make it... We are going to have loads more in the future!

Esmie xXx

Sunday, 15 July 2007

Its not an Addiction, its called Living!

SL is addictive like nothing I have ever experienced before. Seriously. It just takes me over, consumes my mind sometimes... I forget RL, leave things to the last minute, be late for them or miss them completely, all because I just "need" those few extra moments on SL. I think there are several reasons for me enjoying my SL so much.

1) The people. They love me and I love them, and leaving that kind of situation, where it is so easy to be admired and loved and cared for, is hard. I have alot more friends in SL than in RL, and I would never dream of telling the things I tell to some of my SL friends to my RL ones. I am shy and sometimes a complete prick in RL, for no reason and I find it hard to get along with people. Not so in SL.

2) I can fly. I can create anything I want with the click of a button. I can wear clothes I could never afford in RL. I can customise myself virtually without limits, cheaply and endlessly.

3) I have fuck all else to do most of the time in RL... or that I want to do. Since my bf has been away, finding things that fulfill my needs for fun and excitement has been hard and nothing has left me feeling as satisfied as some time on SL.

So I have recently been spending up to 16 hours a day on SL, breaking only to eat, sleep and go to the toilet lol.


I admit it. Everyone tells me it. So I am going to change.

Reduce my time down to 8 hours maximum per day for a start. So I wont be on as much anymore, especially in the mornings, as I save up my time for later in the day when Nicholai and most of my friends are on. Now I have to actively find things to do in RL during my spare time. You saw how many posts I made on friday - that was because I was taking a break from SL and all I could do to appease my craving was write about it lol. Pathetic huh?

My RL bf returns from London about 6:30pm Sunday night my time... 10.30am SL time... I haven't seen him for weeks so don't expect me to be on that night. He is staying here with me a week before going back down to London to continue working, so he will help keep me occupied :)

Big party at my place on tuesday most likely. Everyone and anyone is invited, and I will be pestering you with IMs and a TP will be in my profile Picks. If you don't show up you are off my friends list forever. Only joking, but seriously... I want this to be a fucking awesome party for everyone just to go nuts and have fun, and the more people we get the better. We'll be having stripping contests, hot boys carrying trays of drinks around and dancing, merriment and general good party type stuff for everyone! Hoooo!

See you monday if I can still move ;D

Esmie xXx

Friday, 13 July 2007


I just realised it's friday the thirteenth. Don't get out of bed or you'll trip and die or something. Don't stay in bed or something will fall off a shelf onto your head and you'll die or something. Maybe its too late for a warning, but you can't say I didn't try. Just be safe and sit at your desk and read my blog. Oh you are. Sensible person :)

Esmie xXx


Now we all know most gay men apparently have an extremely bad taste in music. Madonna? A load of crap. Trance/House? Waste of time. Gay/camp classics are all rubbish and stupid. Just listen to them, they aren't even good songs! There are however, a few exceptions to this stereotypical rule. I am one of them... at least I try to be. Apart from the people I love, music is the most important thing in my life. It gives me hope, makes me happy, sad - any and every emotion can be brought about by a single song... and listening to my favourite song, in just the right mood feels... incredible, unbelievable. Sometimes its as good as sex. I'm sure you must all feel like this... I heard some people once saying they couldn't understand other people's obsession with music - they could take it or leave it, not bothered. Imagine! A world without music. Think about it. As if anyone could survive like that.

So. What kind of music is my favourite? I like alot of modern British bands, alternative and indie rock. So things like Kasabian, Bloc Party, Battle, The Rakes, Maximo Park, Snow Patrol... the list goes on. I like some American stuff too, such as the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Incubus. Nicholai has even gotten me into that swirling pit of insanity that is J-pop, which I actually find addictive. But recently I've been listening to a French group called Air. Their stunningly beautiful alternative electronica is well... stunningly beautiful. I love it.

Air -Proof that pretty French boys can make great music.

On their album '10,000 Hz Legend' is a song called "How does it make you feel?". These are the lyrics. The lyrics are sung slowly by a husky computerized voice, and then you get this silly female one come in for the last line. Its a beautiful song in a way, and the lyrics have real meaning.

How does love in SL make you feel? Think about it and read this.

I am feeling very warm right now
Please don't disappear
I am spacing out with you
You are the most beautiful entity that I've ever dreamed of

At night I will protect you in your dreams
I will be your angel
You worry so much about not having enough time together
It makes no difference to me
I would be happy with just one minute in your arms
Let's have an extended play together
You're telling me that we live too far to love each other
But your love can stretch further than you and I can see
So how does it make you feel?

How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?

Do you know when you look at me
It is a salvation
I've been waiting for you so long
I can drive on that road forever
I wish you could exist to live on my planet
Well it's very hard for me to say these things in your presence
So how does it make you feel?

How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?

So how does it make you feel?
Well, I really think you should quit smoking

Hey, Gabe gets away with poems, so I can get away with song lyrics right? I didn't have to make them gay either lol :P

Air's best album is called 'Moon Safari', their debut, but all their albums are amazing. I suggest you go check them out.

Esmie xXx

Megascrapers, Volcanoes and Skydiving

Lookit! Huge shiny building! It's called the Megascraper and its the equivalent height of the Eiffel Tower and the Chrysler buidling in RL, or almost the length of an entire sim. It has been placed at the side of a volcano as a monument to art in SL. The volcano itself first erupted long ago, and was a major event in SL, and it is a piece of SL history that is being preserved. These two great things stand side by side and show what a creative, beautiful place SL is.

This pic makes me dizzy.

You can see the little bits of red lava that hadn't all rezzed in the volcano crater in this snap. Unfortunately I was too stupid to remember to get a pic of just the volcano itself ;D

This pic is from some skydiving Gabe and I did at his place in Safe Harbor. He got me an awesome parachute and I recently used it at Abbott's Aerodrome and landed a distance of 1.85 metres from the target! Wooot me! Full credit goes to Gabie for showing me the Megascraper, volcano and getting me that fantastic 'chute - thanks sweetie! *hugs* ;D

Esmie xXx

Angels Part 2 - Happy Birthday Linx!


The blonde one gasps softly as his body glows and a brilliant burst of white light surrounds him, his body warming to the touch and he whispers, “I… want… you to… love… me”.

The dark angel feels his cold body warm and soften in the glow, his icy cheeks becoming hot and flushed as he leans in closer, "Then… I can finally love… I can give my love to someone freely..." and he kisses the angel’s lips again, deeper and longer as he feels himself fill with light from the other’s body.

The angel’s lips part in a gasp and he moans, his body shuddering as the light intensifies. The dark angel slips his tongue into the other’s mouth, his hand gripping the angel’s leg as his other hand’s fingers run through the angel’s long, blonde locks. The dark one’s kiss is long and deep as he absorbs the warmth and the aura of darkness around him fades away.

The angel’s body trembles and he whimpers softly, his light glowing brightly “Where… do you… live?” The dark one looks down and sighs “I have no home, I wander the hills and valleys and dark places of the land, alone, searching for… something…” and he looks into the angel’s eyes, “Where do you live…”

The angel stares back says, “Down there, on an island, I am there when I am required to be down here”

The dark one strokes the angel’s wings softly as he peers through the early morning haze and he turns his head and says quietly, “All this time, you have been here, and I haven’t sensed or seen you once… and neither, it seems, have the others” and he looks up and down the angel’s body, his face fearful, “We should go to your home… can we…”

The little blonde angel nods as he feels the sinister darkness and shadow of the other fallen ones grow near, “Hurry… please…”

The dark angel clutches him to his chest as he beats his dark, sooty wings and takes off easily and lightly, flying quickly to the East, into the rising sun and he lands softly and safely on the small island in the middle of a deep blue lake, the water sparkling with gold-tipped waves as the cool breeze blows gently across the surface.

The dark one holds the angel in his arms and looks him up and down, saying, “Are you ok? They did not sense you…” and the blonde one nods simply as strong arms lower him to the floor, his bare toes gripping the loose sand as he stands and he looks up into the dark one’s eyes and whispers quietly, “What do we do now…”

Part 3 will be released next friday...

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 12 July 2007

^_^ Jax ^_^

Damn I am glad I met this guy. He's kinda new to SL and I met him through our friend MikeTom and we've grown pretty close recently. Hanging out at his new treehouse and helping him shop for furniture is awesome, plus I actually managed to give him building tips, proving I do know something! :O

Anyways, he's a sexy kitty who loves to dance and tease, and has some really awesome forms and outfits too - the silks in these pics are amazing... There's just something about him huh? He's in Korea RL so its kinda fun realising he's getting back from work just as I get up and when he goes to bed I'll still be around when he wakes. I'll never get used to timezones lol.

So, he's cool and fun and sweet and honest. Hope we can have loads more fun times together. *huggles* Jaxy! ;D

Esmie xXx

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Angels Part 2...

... is done and ready. But it is a weekly thing so you gotta wait til sunday to read it. Here's a sneak peek at a random bit to tease you :P


The little blonde angel nods as he feels the sinister darkness and shadow of the other fallen ones grow near, “Hurry… please…”


Teasing enough for you?

Esmie xXx

Just a thought...

As I sit here drinking my Pepsi Max, listening to Air, looking at this Samsung LCD monitor and gazing at the little Cyberman (from Dr. Who) action figure on the desk, my mind wonders. The Cybermen wanted to 'upgrade' all humans and life in the galaxy into Cybermen, a so-called superior race. Then I think about the attempted terrorist attacks the past week in Britain. I think how the people who carried out those attacks were doing it to 'liberate' themselves from the western ideology encroaching on their world. Then my mind wonders.. is it necessary, in order to free yourself or your people, you must remove other people's rights and freedoms, if not their lives?

I support terrorism in a way. If it is for just freedom against an oppressive regime, for example the 'rebels' in Zimbabwe fighting to end Mugabe's dictatorship, and it is in the best interests of the majority of people, then I can say I agree with it as long as nobody is killed. However. The killing of any innocents in the name of ANY ideology is not right. It cannot be justified, for any reason whatsoever. People say the war in Iraq is about oil - the fuel that drives the West's ideology of freedom. You have to ask yourself what kind of sick people would value even one person's life below that of some black goo. I wouldn't trade a single soldier's life, from either side, for all the oil in the world. Human life is precious beyond anything else and mankind's natural compassion is the only thing that will save us from ourselves.

The cruellest, most evil things have been carried out by human beings. We are the only ones who recognise these actions as such and are therefore the only ones who can realise what a complete fucking waste war, terrorism, violence really is.

Now I think why the hell am I saying all this. Nobody can change human nature. Nobody who reads this will agree with me and be able to click their fingers and make things change. Without SL this is the kind of shit I come out with.

But then... I think of SL. All the beautiful, amazing people I have had the privelege of meeting, how much I love you all, what you have done for me, and what I hope to do for you guys. Sure, SL has its ugly side. Actually, it has lots of ugly sides, and sharp edges and dangerous spikes and deep pits. But from what I've seen in SL it also has places of astonishing beauty and I have experienced some truly selfless, wonderful things there that I know I will never forget...

That leaves me with a final thought. Sure the world is shitty, RL and SL, but, whatever fucks up next, we have love and nothing beats that.

Esmie xXx

Part of the Family

The Chant Newall Development Group (CNDG) is the group I work with. We develop sims, special custom ones or highly desirable residential ones. We are not a very big team right now. Gabe and Chant are co-owners and the core team is comprised of those two, Aprikat, RJ and now myself and Nicholai. Other members of the group include Makara, Simon, Micah and various friends, including Aprikat's RL partner Katzuki.

Kitten and I were asked to become part of the core team.. that is, our work will be extended over all sims CNDG develop, not just Maupiti. So all of Nicholai's commissions will come via CNDG and I will work on rentals and things for all sims. The Maupiti sims have been renamed finally. They were once Oasis of Ninewells and West of Ninewells - Gorean sims. We got the occaisional lost Gorean wandering through, but no more! Oasis has become Society Islands (where we live) and West has become Maupiti. The parcels across the sims are currently being transformed into 4096's and will be ready for rental or purchase very soon. Me and Kitten are living on a 8192 sq m plot, which we share with Aprikat's workshop.

Because Nicholai has been very busy with commission work, our house hasn't been finished... I agree that earning the money from the commissions is more important. However now he has plans for an even grander home, curved glass roof and all sorts of stuff... and to be honest I'm not sure if he's ever going to finish it. The work from CNDG is going to be coming in thick and fast, and it rightly takes priority, and... well maybe I'm just impatient. I know that whatever Kitten builds will be beautiful and worth waiting for, so I'm gonna shut up and stop complaining.

CNDG views itself as a family, and is turning out to be an extremely welcoming and loving one, that I am proud to be a part of. Our aim is to have fun, earning money comes second. If only all business was like that I would consider getting a job in RL ;D

But its kind of a dream come true to be working with such amazing people, doing something worthwhile, earning money and having so much fun. I cant think of anything better.

Esmie xXx

Watching the Clock

Its 1.30pm here and SL is going to go offline for 6 hours at 2pm. It's a strange feeling, when you realise you started playing SL in the first place for something to do during the gaps in your RL... But now I find myself struggling to fill gaps in SL with RL things... and even then its mostly watching the clock and the Linden blog to see how much longer I have to wait before I get SL back, reading about SL, writing about SL and looking at SL pictures.

Well I am going to be doing a couple of posts today as an attempt to fill the gaping RL hole Linden have left me with. I just hope the 1.18 version isn't a huge load of crap, but I have a bad feeling about it. Things have been dreadful the past few days - lag, packet loss, bits of my AO not working, things attaching to the wrong place (my ass mostly) or not at all.

As the daily concurrency nears 50,000 users I don't see things getting much better. Not because of the users, but because Linden seem so slow in upgrading the grid to handle the growth. I am not against people joining at all - some of them may end up being life-long friends to me so I don't blame any of those guys for the problems. I hope Linden Labs dont fuck everything up with this 1.18 viewer... but we will see.

Esmie xXx

Sunday, 8 July 2007

Angels Part 1

This is a little thing I am writing, using chat logs as a base. All the speech is from an RP session we did, and I have fleshed out the actions we took with some descriptions. I know its not brilliant but I enjoy writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. I am going to be posting this on the Nekoboiz blog as well. This is the first page in what will be a 4 or 5 page story. It's called simply 'Angels'.


The blonde, slender figure sits up and rubs his head, stretching his pure white feathered wings. “Oh… Did I fall…?” he says softly, “How strange”. He looks around at the cold stone floor in the grey pre-dawn light and shivers, wrapping his arms around himself.

A shadow looms over him and he exclaims, “Oh my!”, as a dark figure leans down and gathers him up into strong arms and says quietly, “Are you ok?”

“What are you doing?!” cries the angel, looking up with big blue eyes.

He stares back unblinkingly. “I am checking to see if you are hurt”.

“But you are a dark angel… and…” he blushes hotly, “I am an angel…”

The dark one smiles softly, “Yes, I am… and yes, yes you are.”

“Then aren’t you going to ravish me?” the angel says, his eyes wide with fear, his body beginning to shake and tremble. The dark one says softly, "Why are you shaking? Are you afraid of me? Everyone is always afraid of me", and he says very, very quietly, "and I am always alone…"

The blond one looks up at him with sad blue eyes, and he looks back saying, “I have somewhere I want to take you. Something I want to show you. Don’t be afraid, please”.

He beats his black, ragged wings and rises slowly into the air, gathering speed as he climbs and the little blond one clutches to his chest tightly and gasps “How do you fly so fast?” as the cold wind whips and snaps at his soft skin.

They land on a rocky outcrop on the side of a mountain, facing the East, just as dawn breaks, the soft golden rays of sunlight cutting across the pale pink sky. “Where… where are we?” the angel asks quietly.

“See the sun, in the heavens… it is beautiful, like you… but I cannot touch it, I cannot be near it… So I come here when it is rising so I can be close to its warmth and beauty for a few moments of the day… but holding you… It gives me the same feeling - that is what I wanted to show you, to tell you.”

The blonde one looks down crying softly, "Why are you saying such things to me, is it some sick joke or pleasure you get..."

The dark one looks at him sadly, and whispers, "I don't play games, and I don't joke. I am not sick or twisted. I made a mistake once and have been punished for it, with no hope of redemption. I wanted to touch the sun, but I am never able to and you are the closest I can get…"

The angel’s lower lip trembles, and he lets out a soft cry, "Touch me... I have been cursed to help others find love but not find it myself... kiss me please... I don’t care it hurts so much..."

The dark one looks at him, his eyes wide and says "Oh… I… I couldn't... I can't... I am not like that... I long for it so much… but… but I can't…" and his hand begins to stroke the angel’s thigh softly as he moves his lips closer. The angel’s eyes widen and his lower lip trembles softly, "You can take and touch, love freely.....you are so lucky......" and he feels his face move closer to the dark angel’s. The dark one moves his lips even closer so they are barely touching and whispers… "Yes, I can love freely… but nobody has ever let me love them... let me touch them.." and he very, very softly pushes his cold lips to the angel’s and gives him the gentlest of kisses.

I might make this weekly so Part 2 will be next sunday. Comments/feelings/opinions are more than welcome :)

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 7 July 2007

Mouse <:O - Aaaaaaaaaaaaggghhh!

As I sat down to write something the alarm on my oven went off and I lost my thoughts completely as I went to turn my chips and chicken dippers. So I'll tell you about something hilarious that happened this morning in my RL. I went to bed at 3.30am. About normal for me, sure... for a few days I have been hearing scuffling noises around the empty flat. I was awoken at 6am by the sound of a mouse gnawing on an empty cardboard box I keep in the corner of my room just cos it might come in handy one day. It's quite a small box and, watching from my bed I noticed the mouse creep inside the box.

So I grabbed a book from the open box where I had been packing them away and trapped the mouse inside the box with it, closing off the entrance. I have no idea what happened next but the book moved and the mouse got out and ran at my bare feet. I literally screamed and jumped on the bed gibbering like a retarded monkey. If I had been a neko in RL I woulda probably just grabbed it and eaten it alive, ending its short pathetic existance instantly, but I'm a fucking pussy so I cowered on my bed, hiding myself from a 2 inch long brown mouse. He didn't start gnawing again so I got back to sleep and I believe he is currently under my bed or under the fridge in the kitchen. I was gonna buy traps today when I went out to get lunch but I forgot so he has at least one more day to live.

Maybe it's my fault for leaving those crusts of bread on the floor and not picking up dropped chocolate raisins, or maybe its his fault he is a stinking vermin no good waste of fur and bone. But its war and if I trap him in the box tomorrow morning he is going to be introduced to the 3rd floor window, then gravity, then the ground at a very high speed. That will teach him for being alive! Ha!

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 5 July 2007


I went red head.. but as in a cool punky anime style, not as in a ginger style. I know there is nothing wrong with being ginger, but I have seen very few avs that can pull it off, and I wanted something a little more extreme. Its not a natural hair colour and now my tail and ears are matching it looks kinda totally unrealistic, but I guess the tail and ears put paid to any idea of realism a long time ago.

Basically, the hair is the exact same "Dare" style as the black one I had before it. I've started to use the HUD for my ears and tail again, meaning I now get some twitch. As you can see I coloured them dark red to match the hair, and I bought some bright green eyes from a store in Paper Street, which I only discovered yesterday after Jax mentioned it. A very cool place with stores like Kalico Kreations, Gangsta and Renegade. (O.K. Maybe the Gangsta store isn't so cool really). Its in the Ganesha sim, so go check it out.

Banning update... The friend I banned has been allowed back onto the beach by Boots and Shawn after we initially agreed not to lift his ban. I think this is a mistake, as many Bums are not going to enjoy the beach while he is there, and I sure feel as uncomfortable as hell, as he just ignores me when I say hello. But, its Boots' call and I know he wouldn't do anything that wasn't in the Bum's best interests, so we will see how things turn out.

I just noticed... He's not on my Friends list any more. He removed me. If that's how he feels, then it is up to him. I said sorry, I apologised to him and I meant it, even though I know I was right in doing what I did. I didn't want this to happen, and I wish it could have turned out another way, but it is not my problem if this is what he wants.

I hope all my American readers had a very happy 4th of July yesterday... I don't celebrate it, obviously, but it was a great excuse to party on the beach! We got a new Beach Bum DJ too... Ars is his name and he is awesome.

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 3 July 2007


I just looked over and saw the '69' Posts and giggled. I need to grow up..
Oh No! It's gonna be 70 now... :(

Esmie xXx

Monday, 2 July 2007


I've been cleaning and sorting my inventory recently, organising things into folders and deleting stuff I will never use. I created a 'building' folder and inside created several folders - Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Air, Steel, People and Other.. whatever element the object relates to most goes in the corresponding folder.. so Plants go in Earth, birds go into Air, fish in Water, poses in People and furniture/objects go into Steel etc.

I also have folders for Accessories (divided into Fashion, Jewellery, Toys/Pets, Weapons and other stuff), a 'Free Shit' folder which I might as well delete, but I like having things to give to newbies.. I also have a 'Hair' folder and a 'Random' folder full of Skins/Shapes, Eyes, Animating things and Others/Demos. It was originally called Random cos the stuff was a collection of things I couldn't fit into any other folder and weren't worth creating their own for.

Inside my clothing folder I have individual folders for B@R Outfits, Jackets/Hoodies, Suits/Other Outfits, Shoes, Shirts/Vests and one for Pants. The only one with any further organisation is the Shirts/Vests, which has the items grouped by Store name.. so I have a DMC folder, Renegade, Renown (Which is easily the biggest at approx. 30 items) etc. I used to create outfits but didn't like the way it moved things about that were no copy, so I don't bother with that any more.

I cleaned out my trash after sorting my Objects, Notecards and Landmarks folders.. the total number of things in my inventory went from just under 7,000 to just over 6,000 which only tells me one thing.. I should empty my trash more often.

Well, I guess you found that very boring so I will stop now before your face hits the keyboard :)

Esmie xXx

Sunday, 1 July 2007


Eddi Haskell and Javier Waydelich Married at 11am SLT (Roughly). DJ Wesley Spengler as DJ/Priest. Was a very beautiful wedding, and very, very full of people. I hope they have many happy times together and wish them all the best.
Exchanging vows

Cutting the cake

Follow your hearts, guys

Esmie xXx

Some Reviews

Well a couple of things happened this weekend. First of all it was the opening night of Upo's live theatre show which he spent so much time on and it was actually very funny and good. Technical problems ruined it a bit but it actually was great and they worked through most of them. I laughed out loud at some parts.. the script was great and.. erm.. Upo has a sexy voice too.. *blush* I figured he might.. The whole ACT UP team should be very very proud of their work. It was great.

Which leads me to realise I've heard the voices of 3/4 of my long term bfs in SL which I imagine is alot more than most people have. Just a little observation.

My RL father (love you dad!) is an avid reader of the Guardian newspaper here in the UK and told me about Secondfest. Intel in collaboration with the Guardian have set up a weekend long music festival. I only got round to checking out the last day (Sunday, today) and I am very impressed with it all. I'm typing this while listening to MoShang Zhao play live on the Chill island and it is brilliant. Lemme show you some snaps in case you didn't make it down there :)

You get a wristband at the turnstyles, then walk down some steps and see a map...

The little 3D map that is alot of prims and very cool :)

Naturally I went to the Main Stage first but there was nothing on. Still a big dancing crowd tho..

I then went to what I thought was the Indie tent but turned out to be the Dance. Didn't stay long enough to get a snap *lol*

It was a mix up on the website map so I went to the 'Dance' tent and found it was Indie. The Cuban Brothers were playing and they were good but I wanted to see the rest of the festival..

The Cuban Brothers in the Indie tent.

I went over to Chillout Island next and I basically stayed there because MoShang Zhao was playing live and he was totally awesome and he said hello to me so he gets a mention :)

MoShang plays his Chinese Chillout :) Its really good, check him out: http://moshang.net/

On Friday I think... or something.. Kitten and I visited the space flight museum in SL, which is great but they use mega prims or something so the place is laggy and buggy as hell. We didnt stay very long.

We also went to check out the SL Vincent Van Gough Museum, which has 3D renditions of his artworks as well as a copy of all his best known works. It is a great place, but again the lag gets to you eventually, but it is highly, highly recommended.

We are sitting inside one of Van Gough's paintings! On his bed! I suggested christening it but Kitten was having none of it.

I also have a wedding to go to later! Wow I'm so busy! Hooo!

Esmie xXx