Sunday, 30 September 2007


Something in my RL to do with money finally went right! My student loan managed to sneak into the correct account, and so I might be off to buy Halo 3 today... we'll see.

Today is also the very last day of my holidays. Classes start again tomorrow and to be honest, I don't want to do them. My modules this term sound like so much fun -

Dynamics and Spectroscopy
Maths for Physicists 1

Can't wait! :/

I guess the best thing about going back to uni will be having real people to talk to, face to face I mean. Human contact is important and the amount I got during the holidays was just not enough. So thats a positive about ending the holidays.

No, this isn't the RL post I was planning on making, that will come soon. Seems like you guys are interested, and your wish is my command! Trust me, I'm a stalker's wet dream, I will give everything away. Just wait and see :P

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 29 September 2007


Well I just thought I'd let you guys know that I updated my RL profile pic in world and I'm not sure if I should put it up on this blog too. For ages now I've been wondering if I should put a load of stuff on here about the RL me - the things that are in my in-world profile as well as more shit that I couldn't fit in there - like a short bio of the RL me. Although this is an SL blog, my RL and SL leech into each other all the time, and I don't like keeping secrets from people - which is why I am so totally open about my RL in SL. So I figure I might as well put some RL stuff on here too. The only question is if people will be interested in reading it...?

Esmie xXx

Friday, 28 September 2007

dirt party

dirt magazine is having a launch party on September the 30th at 9pm SL time.

Chester organised it as a 'spur of the moment thing', completely forgetting that 9pm Pacific Time is midnight Eastern Time, 5am GMT, roughly 6-8am across Europe and roughly midday (of Oct 1st) for the Far East and Australia.

Maybe its just me thinking this, but isn't that like, the *worst* possible time to have a party?

What the fuck were you thinking, Chesty?( If I come across as angry, then thats because I am. lol)

I think I have good reason to be annoyed - not only did Chester set the time for the party at 5am on my first day of term, but he also didn't discuss it with me first - I have no idea if he talked to Os about it. I thought we were a team, and we should decide things like this together. As it is, he can't change the time now cos the DJ and Host have already been booked.

Some launch party that will be when one of the editors and at least half of the possible readers are going to be in bed or at work :)

*spanks Chester*

OK I'm over it now. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest.

Esmie xXx

German Blogger

This might be just me, but any of you guys using blogger notice bits of German language starting to creep into certain places? Like, right now, under the box I am typing in, it says this:

Tastaturk├╝rzel: dr├╝cken Sie Strg zusammen mit: B = Bold, I = Italic, P = Publish, S = Save, D = Draft

What the hell? When my post is published, I get this:

Your blog post published successfully!

Blog anzeigen (in einem neuen Fenster)

Does anybody else get that? It's only started happening recently, and only in certain places. Whats going on?!

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 27 September 2007

Happy Birthday!

Its Google's 9th birthday today!

Can you imagine what the world would be like without Google? Where would I find source images for my photoshop work? How would I be able to answer the 'is 5689 yards more than 234 fathoms?' questions in Tiny Empires? How would I have got my reports and essays at school and uni done? How would I find out how many Esmiels there are in the world? How would I get quick, cheap, tiny porno pictures???

Is there a single day that goes by when you are at your computer and you *don't* use Google?

Think about it. Then think about any other general internet search engine. Why do they exist? Who uses them? How the hell did Google not only change the way we use the internet, but render all of it's rivals useless? Can you imagine if it changed it's name?

Larry Page and Sergey Brin founded Google. The name is a play on 'googol', the mathematical term for a 1 followed by one hundred 0's to reflect the amount of stuff on the internet. I hope those guys are proud of their creation.

Happy birthday Google!

Esmie xXx


I'm a gamer. A big one... not so much since I got into SL, but still, they are a big part of my life.

Well next monday, fingers-crossed, my student loan should be coming into the correct account and I'll have a load of money. If my calculations are correct, after rent and food and bills, I should have enough left over for some treats for myself. Its about time I got some...

What is at the top of my list?

Halo 3

Ever since I played the original Halo on my school friend's old Xbox all those years ago I've loved the series. I was even playing the original last night. Halo 2 wasn't so awesome, and I never bought it - I played it through and the ending battle thoroughly pissed me off, it was kinda "Was that it?". Halo 3 could end up being the same... but anything that makes my spine tingle just watching the trailer - thats gotta be worth getting.

Alfie might be putting some money in for Bioshock as well. The Xbox 360 version... so... that's gonna be keeping me busy for a while. Alfie needs his pc to do work, he makes websites and databases and things - and now that he's back I haven't been on it much at all. I try to busy myself with Burnout Revenge - but I'm getting tired of it. Already got 100% completion, I started again... Gears of War I've been through at least 3 times. Dead Rising is no fun when you realise you've just balls'd up the story line by missing a vital time slot because you were too busy finding the all-important chain-saw. Command and Conquer 3... lets just say I'm stuck on that and I really don't see the point in trying to finish it.

So, I desperately need a new game for the 360 to keep myself occupied while Alfie goes about his business eating up my SL time. Hopefully I'm gonna get Halo 3 and Bioshock... they look so awesome and I seriously can't wait to play them!

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Another Satisfied Customer

I got Zach's profile pic all sorted and finished. Alfie helped me alot with this one, yay thanks to him :) As long as Zach is happy, thats all that matters. Micah's samples are done, just need to catch him later and give him a viewing of them. Hope he likes them, one is a bit extreme *lol* Maybe I'll put it on here to show you what I mean later.

Anyways, this is the winning Zach pic:

I've also just got my two articles for dirt magazine finished, on the deadline too. So I'm chuffed with that.. Chester seems to like the first one, not sure how he feels about the second, he hasn't responded yet :) What are they about? You'll have to get the mag to find out... issue #001 is available from October 1st. Well thats the plan anyways...

Esmie xXx

Monday, 24 September 2007

Mixed News.

I haven't been on this weekend much, but I get my IMs and Group Notices delivered to my email and I checked it last night. Two lots of bad news...

First, got a group notice from B4rry Bing, saying that his Theatre and Garden Lounge is closed, due to him not being in SL very much, because of problems outside of SL... so thats awful, cos it was a really awesome place...

Secondly, even more shocking, is a group notice from Eddi saying that COTA is closing, due to pressing personal and family issues. Artists have til the 28th of September to remove their stuff.

Thinking of all the hard work and effort the developers and owners of these institutions put into them, not to mention the expense, its such a shame to see them just vanish. Altho some bits of COTA will be moved to a smaller parcel, most of it will be taken back by the artists and placed into their own galleries, spread out over SL.

So.. its bye bye COTA blog and PR job too.

Well, I'm kinda finding it hard to be upset about losing that right now tho, because I have some good news too :)

Last week, Longue View house and gardens, on Poppy Island sim, was sold for just under the asking price of 3 million L$. As Concierge for CNDG, I get a certain share of that... and ummm.. well, lets just say its more money than I know what to do with :) So drinks are on me, guys! *lol*

Alfie helped me fix up this blog yesterday, he can do HTML stuff so he made the header and text all line up and stuff, increased font size of the titles. I think it looks a whole lot better. The header is something I whipped up in about 20 minutes, I kinda like it - gives off a cool glow. I've been *cough* busy *cough* most of the weekend, so haven't got round to much Photoshopping... although all 3 of Osayo's images are completed, I've done 2 of Micah's samples and 2 for Zach as well. Should get the rest done today hopefully.

People say I should raise the price, that even 500L per pic would still be a deal and I am tempted.. as my confidence and skills increase, I spend more and more time on each image, repeatedly improving it. So I guess I could raise the price, would help cover upload fees too, but I'm not going to do that until after I've had my first ten customers... so get your orders in soon ;D

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 22 September 2007

I used to be unique...

I did one of my regular searches today to check that I am the only Esmiel. For the first time in my 10 months here, two names came up.

Esmiel Baroque
Esmiel Posthorn

I feel gutted for some reason. I AM Esmiel, the name is ME. I made the damn name up. Since then I have discovered one or two instances of it's use in RL, and come to learn it means "it's honey" in Spanish, a nice coincidence. But in SL Esmiel is MY name, mine only. How dare this asshole take my name, probably some noob who will never log in again anyways. Its really pissed me off. *lol* I am so childish about little things but still, the name Esmiel... its my damn name! Mine! Go make an alt and delete that one please!

(THE REAL) Esmiel xXx

Having Two Boyfriends

Nicholai was sposed to be in Japan but got ill with pneumonia and spent the week on the sofa. Poor little kitten :(

He's all better now though and after a short meeting before bed last night we got to spend some quality time together today... letting him get on with building and me write this *lol*

My rl bf - 'Alfie' - comes back from London tonight so I probably won't be on after 6pm... and maybe not at all sunday and I'll be on alot less than usual next week, for three reasons:

1. Alfie will want to spend some time with his PC, meaning I have to go back to the Xbox 360...
2. I'll be trying to cut my hours on SL per day even further as it's my last week of holidays before term.
3. Of course Alfie will want to spend time with me too, and I with him :)

The wierdest thing about having two boyfriends is being able to say "I love you" and mean it both times, to both people. Not like "I love you as a friend" but "I love you, I want to spend the rest of this life with you and nobody else". I feel awful alot of the time, because I want to be with them both, I love them both equally, I would do anything for either of them - except leave the other - but of course, in the end, if I had to choose, it would be Alfie, and it hurts me so so much to say that, because Nicholai deserves someone who doesn't have to split his time, who doesn't have to make any choice, who will always be there for him. But I do the best I can for now, in the hope that he'll have his own Alfie one day, and will be happy, because that's all I want for him.

Esmie xXx

Friday, 21 September 2007

More Photoshop...

If I'm not on SL, its Photoshop - seriously - my entire RL is about editing pics of SL at the moment. But its an important RL skill and could come in extremely handy. Every minute I spend in PS I get more confident and my skills gradually increase - practice makes perfect I guess - altho I still have a long, long way to go.

More Calendar stuff!

The updated/improved October page:
If you can drag your eyes upwards for a moment, you'll notice the little scar details on the back and wrists. A suitably dark touch I feel. Also improved lighting and shading on the two other poses.

This is Gabe's page, September. He looks a bit too much like a Disney character at the moment I think - too shiny and cutesy.

So that might change too, but I am very happy with the way the vines and leaf details turned out. I downloaded brushes from deviantArt for this, using a set by gvalkyrie. As this image isn't for commercial gain I hope thats ok :D

I've finished a Zach sample image and two for Micah Moore. I also have a request from Chester to redo his one. It never ends... *trudges back to PS*

Esmie xXx


Gabe just informed me that Nicho told him he'd be in Japan this week. Knowing a little earlier would have been nice but I don't blame Gabe for forgetting it, heck I know I've done much worse. Thanks for telling me sweetie, guess that hole is filled with relief and excitement at his return now :D

Esmie xXx

Greenwich Village, Holes and Calendars

This is where Gabe lives in RL, in SL. Amazing, he was so excited when we found it! "Yay Esmie you came to visit me!" hehe :) He got kinda carried away and was late for class...
Its a cool place, nicely made, but it is missing some parts according to Gabie - its kinda smushed together, with bits cut out. But still it's pretty awesome, with a cool play area for kids and places and stores to explore. Well worth a visit :)

I havent seen Nicho for.. well.. ages it seems. We don't really have any contact outside of SL apart from the occaisional email or Skype chat when the grid is down. But usually he tells me before he goes away for this long - days and days - and I realised yesterday - missing someone - its like having a hole inside of you. It keeps growing and eating away at you until its big enough to occupy all the space that used to be full of other things, just a big empty hole where this person should be.

You try and distract yourself but its still there and you know it is. You miss this person, there is a hole where they used to be, and you worry... you worry it may never be filled again. That they might not ever come back. Of course, that jumping straight to the worst case scenario and I hate doing that. I hope I'm generally an optimist about things and I'm sure its just loads of classes and school work taking up his time.

Taking up my time recently has been that damn profile picture business (I seriously was not prepared for this many customers) and the dirt magazine calendar shoots. Chester, Gabe and I got ours done today... I made myself October for obvious reasons... and Chesty is July because he's all bright and firey. Gabe will be september when I get his done tomorrow. These aren't finished - they are a work in progress but check them out anyways... :)

I'm gonna change the pose on the right to more of a butt-shot I think...

This is missing something. I can't put my finger on it but it needs something else (besides the item descriptions). It'll come to me...

Karl agreed to sign up for a page and he's gonna be June... he showed me his outfit... toolbelt and goggles around the neck. Oh my God it is gonna be so hot :D

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 20 September 2007


Gabe and Chester went out to get Chessums some lips over 1/2 an hour ago... and I'm stuck here at the dirt office in Larsson Business Park waiting for them. So here's a quick tour of the office/studio...

This is our little chill out area on the ground floor. I put the calendar up kinda early I know.. *lol* the pics on the walls are Sky's, from his Speculaire Gallery.

The front door :O Woooooooooooooooow!

Rasmus designed and built the awesome place, and gave us free rent here while we set up our magazine. Love you Ras, thanks so much :)

The studio is on the second floor, the green screen isn't rezzed in these pics. There are blinds up there too... we aren't sure what to do with the top floor but we'll think of something...

Esmie xXx

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

The morning after... and other things :D

Boots' party was awesome last night, short but very sweet indeed :) Dagon DJ'd, and we put his Rave gear and Chimera to good use. The Missions left after a little while for bed and then other people began leaving for bed until it was just a few of us - then Dagon and I snuggled on a log for a while - its been too long since we did that - like the last time I was single??! We chatted about the good old days, before he got busy and we both got serious... I hate to say it, Dagon.. but I love you, dude :)

Woke up this morning feeling absolutely shattered. Guess it must have been an even better party than what I remember *lol*

During the downtime today I finished Osayo's sample pics and made this for myself:

It's not perfect, but I guess it'll do for now. Zach got me to do him a profile pic too so I did his shoot today and will be working on that this week, as well as Micah Moore's when we get round to it.

Yesterday Gabe, Chester and I had a three-way skydive which was awesome. Chesty's first time but he still did really well!


Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 18 September 2007



Well things have been going great with my little profile picture business. Check out these:

First I did Chester;

Then Gabe got me to do one;

Then I took quicks snaps of Amadeo (above) and Jaho (below) because I hated seeing their profiles empty - I did these for free;

My most recent is Cory; I am working on Osayo's... and Micah Moore has asked me to do one for him which will happen soon. Busy busy :)

I have been making other things in Photoshop too...

Some for fun;

Some for the dirt magazine calendar;

Some for ads for my RL bf's website he is developing, to put in dirt magazine...

The website will be done soon, and will provide lots of help if you're gay or curious and need advice on pretty much any aspect of gay life - whether it's coming out, the gay scene, gay sex, dealing with gay people, or people that dislike gays - whatever, I will be representing the site in SL and helping with the site in RL - tell people about it, the advice we provide there can really help.

I'll let you know when it comes online and how Osayo and Micah's pics come out.

Esmie xXx

Happy Birthday Boots!

Its Boots' RL Birthday today and we had a little party this morning - gonna have a bigger one later when he gets on... Come on down to the beach, its gonna be immense!

Boots has a quick glass of champagne before work...

We all love Boots and Shawn. Over 500 Beach Bums, every single one of us a member of a family that cares and shares, with the Missions as our parents :D

So if you see Boots today be sure to say Happy Birthday!

Esmie xXx

New Shades... New Sword... New Me...

Right, well if you've seen me in-world recently you'll have noticed I look a little more real these days... and if you haven't seen me, this is what I look like:

Yeah I know the hair is kinda funny but I love it. Its the Mullato Sway style from Aitui. The skin is also Aitui... Jesseaitui saw the preview for dirt mag and offered to help us out a whole load by giving me some Advanced skins to wear... He gave me a set of 16. GAVE me. 16 SKINS. From AITUI, not some shit store, but my favourite. I don't just say that because Jesse gave me all this stuff - it was my fave place long before now. Just writing about it makes me wanna go and buy stuff there. So thats the new me... Nicholai doesn't like these skins as much as my old one, the lips look lifeless he says so I change back for him... but otherwise, this is how I look. Just more 'real' I spose is he only way you could describe it.

Next... my new sword. Nicholai and I went looking at Breach guns and while in there I spied a Musashi sword display... and had to have one. 800L. But. Oh. My. God. It is cool!

I bought the Musashi Eternal... So many moves and features.. and over 60 colour options too. Notice the skin is one from the pack I got, with 'Webbed' eyeliner. I also have 'Tears' and 'Claws' eyeliner, which I am sure you will be seeing on here soon...

New Shades. Switchblade shades to be exact, from FNKY!, on Karl's reccomendation. Must be about 6 pairs of glasses I have from that place now... These are just a few of the available presets... and every part can be altered to create your perfect look.

This last one is the 'Speed' preset that I am using right now... easily my fave out of the presets, but I am sure I will be able to create a more perfect style after some experimentation. :D

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 15 September 2007


Porn, everyone loves it :D
Hardcore, softcore, whatever, its all good. Whatever you like, you can find on the net these days - you never need to use your imagination again. Nicholai and I like having fun, and having sex. So we figured we should get something that was both sexy and funny - cum stains on his butt, and on my chest, just for the hell of it. Its a good thing that we can take such a light-hearted view of sex - some people see it as serious, and they get right into it and don't stop, don't look and think how totally ridiculous sex in SL can be. Like pose balls that dont line up, or the stupid faces you pull while getting pounded. I can't count the number of times something has gone slightly wrong and we both just fell about laughing - having fun and a good time together is more important than blowing your virtual wad.

We got the cum shot layers from a place called 'White Honey' (no SLURL right now) and they are underwear, shirt and jacket layer so you can even wear them over clothes. They each come with 1, 2 or 3 'loads' - more and more splattered, so you can build it up as the 'session' continues. They even come with related poseball sets... so the chest loads came with tittyfuck animations :/ and the ass/back loads came with doggy style animations :D
The poses/animations are pretty crummy actually. But the splash layers work well, and they are quite funny and quite sexy at the same time... just take a look:

One load, both back and butt are seperate - so it adds up to 2! Already!

Two loads on butt, two loads on back.

Six loads in total. Thats alot. Even for a young guy like me.

The thing that shocked me most about the whole thing tho was my 'innocent' kitten's enthusiasm at getting his butt covered in cream as well as posing for the porno shoot, as well as giving me permission to put the pics on here. *lol* innocent, my ass...

We didn't get the chest loads for me til after this photoshoot, hopefully I can get a pic soon for you. If you want...

(A very drained) Esmie xXx

Child Avatars

Everyone knows having child avatars around is kinda strange. Behind the 'child' is an adult, acting and roleplaying as a kid. Some people have a big issue with these kids. They feel strange doing and saying certain things around them. Like getting naked or something. The thing you really have to decide on is whether you play along with them or just treat them like the adult they actually are.

I tend to see a child av and treat them as they appear - if they roleplay as a child, and do it well, like my little 'niece' Becca, then its easy to forget they are an adult and just accept them as part of your SL, like you would accept any other kids in RL - they are just there.

But when it comes to the idea of sex with a child avatar, or between two child avatars, pretty much everyone thinks "Oh my God, no way. No freaking way, shut up about it." The law in SL regarding sex with child avs is fuzzy at best. I'm not totally up-to-date with it but my understanding is the promotion, advertising and public display of it is banned and those breaking these rules go to the naughty step. But that doesn't seem to prevent the act itself occurring - and I am not surprised they haven't banned it (except in Germany or something) - because the only way to effectively prevent it would be to ban all child avatars.

People get confused about what a child avatar is and isn't allowed to do in SL. Recently, for example, Casey turned up on Boots beach. He says his av is supposed to be about 16, honestly it looks more like 13 - Karl and I both agreed this. Official rules that Boots and Shawn provided me with when I was made a member of security state clearly that sexual acts involving a child avatar are not permitted in any way on Mission Beach. However child avs themselves are - in fact, a fellow member of security, Caleb, is the founder of SL Kids. Anyways - back to the Casey story.

One Bum on the beach was totally against the idea of allowing Casey to even stand there, and that he should be ejected or banned as soon as possible. I had a lengthy IM discussion with this Bum and I clearly stated that the rules permitted him to be there. End of. Or so I thought. This Bum, although I know he wasn't trying to be aggressive or to contradict me, repeatedly stated that I shouldn't allow Casey to be on the beach - because of the adult activities that went on there.

I pointed out that a sexual act was allowed to take place in the presence of a child, as long as the child was not involved - think - in RL, if a kid walks in on his parents while they're doing that icky thing involving a woman's parts (eww) and a man's parts (yay) - that doesn't make the parents paedophiles! They aren't breaking the law! But the Bum was not convinced saying things like 'but what if I want to have a naked party on the beach?'. I pointed out that if he was *that* uncomfortable with the child being there, he could ask the kid to leave. He thought I was joking. 'What if I want to have sex and stuff?'. Why would you wanna do that on a damn PUBLIC BEACH?! Go Home and do that, jeeeeze.

Casey informs me that he does have sex, and as his avatar is 16, and that is the legal age of consent in his country, he figured that was ok. I said maybe he should make himself look a bit older, seeing as the legal age of consent in SL is 18 - and that I didn't care - didn't even want to know - if he had sex - as long as it wasn't in the Mission Beach sim, its not my problem, I can't do anything about it. I wouldn't consider 16 as technically a 'child', seeing as at that age you are legally allowed to have sex in the UK - so I didn't think about reporting him.

In the end, the Bum said he would keep his eye on Casey, saying that if he saw him do anything sexual he would report him to Linden Labs before Mission Beach got closed and all of us got kicked out. Whatever, Casey isn't a dumb kid. He knows where he can and can't do these things. I'm glad I could stick up for him, because he was doing nothing wrong at all in my eyes - just standing on a gay beach, chatting to some people.

Karl and I stick up for little Casey on the beach.

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 13 September 2007

More Art!

I updated the COTA blog, for anyone who is interested in finding out more about the City - I provide details on the aims and foundations of the City, as well as list the founders. Link is down to the right ~~~~>

Well ok, this next thing isn't exactly art, but it is genius :)

Truth or Dare. In RL, it leads to various degrees of hilarious humiliation and other awesome things such as relationship break-ups, police records and the occaisional death. In SL however, it was a reason for Chester to wear girl's clothes. Luckily his friend Dela was there to provide him with some. I find this strangely sexy, am I the only one? Hello? Guys?!

Chester (Left) and his friend Delaney (Right)

This next fella is Amadeo Beaumont, and he is pretty much the second cutest lil neko I've ever seen (the first being Nicholai of course :P). I took this picture of him on Boots Gay Beach so he could put it in his profile and I think he really loved it - he hugged and pounced me and said 'thank you' way too many times. You're a sweet guy, Ama, glad to have you as a friend... ^^

Shock - its an unaltered snapshot, only cropped, nothing more!

Esmie xXx

Speculaire Project Gallery

Sky, an old friend of mine, is joint manager of a new gallery - the Speculaire Project Gallery - here in SL and took me and Chester for a tour of it today. I really like most of the pieces on display - especially Sky's own work - it is all for sale, of course - and there are some truly beautiful paintings and photographs available to buy. Check out these pictures;

Here's the SLURL: Speculaire Project Gallery, AlterNation

The gallery will be having a proper opening event soon, end of september most likely and I think Sky said it was going to be a masquerade ball or something so that should be loads of fun. Hope to see you there :D

Esmie xXx