Friday, 12 December 2008

Okay Okay...

... guess I should put something new on here.

Well.. Some of you may know I recently took a bit of a break from SL.. My aim is to try and find other things to do with my time, rather than rely on an extremely addictive and unhealthy virtual environment for kicks. Apparently being on SL made me a different person in the real world. I was rude and a bit a of a prick it seems - especially when someone tried to take me away from my oh-so-important second life to do something in the real world.

Anyways. The real world is the important one and so I think its time to focus on that. I will return to SL in the new year and, depending on how things have been without it, either quit for good or stay on as before. I'm not sure which way I want things to go. To be able to have a decent time without SL would be great.. but I do miss it. Alot. It's not always easy to find something else to do.

So, yeah. I'm gone for a while, I figured leaving on my second SL birthday was a good idea.. two years is a long time, long enough for me to get an idea of how the rest of my SL would go. It all depends on how well I do without that little virtual world. We'll see. I'm sorry if I didn't get around to saying goodbye to you - there were alot of people and I liked to do it in person, and some weren't always on at the same time as me. Sounds like I am making excuses but really, I guess.. I just hated saying goodbye, plus it was extra awkward cos it wasnt really goodbye or might have been.. I dunno. Like I said.. we'll see.

Esmie xXx

Oh and by the way.. you can contact me on the email address that goes with this blog, if you'd like my MSN/Yahoo instant messenger address or anything. I'll update this blog from time to time as people seem somewhat attached to it. But.. no promises.

Monday, 20 October 2008


.... hi there.

I'm not going to apologise for not posting for so long, because frankly, nobody will be reading this anyways :P

The sad thing is, I actually check my blog almost every day for new comments and to look through the links section on the right, to check if anyone else has been updating theirs. I haven't logged into my Flickr account to upload any pics to it for months either - in fact, I can't remember the last time I even took a photo in SL.

Maybe all that is about to change, maybe not. We'll see if I get round to it, because, honestly, I have more exciting things to be doing than posting to my blog. I forgot how great it felt to get things off your chest tho - even as I write this, I feel the urge to express and describe every little activity, thought, emotion or feeling that I've been through since the last time I posted almost five months ago. To attempt such a thing would be ludicrous, of course, but its tempting.

Instead, allow me to divulge a list of highlights, from both my RL and my SL, of those past five months, so that you may get a wee taste of what has befallen me during my posting absence.

*SL - Nic and myself have moved to our own sim now - Safe Harbor SouthLake, a low prim sim that we can use for building our projects as well as for living on. We've been through several different designs of a permanent home there, but none have stuck and we are currently living in a tiny skybox 600m up.

*SL - On a related note, things at CNDG have changed somewhat and now I am on a project-by-project payroll, my pay being determined by what work I actually do, rather than simply being given a lump sum every month. I think it's better this way, as it'll encourage me to pull my finger out and actually do some real work for them, when I have the time.

*RL - The main reason I have no time to do anything anymore is that I'm now in my fourth and final year of university, which means big-assed dissertation projects and some days where lectures begin at 9am and the last finishes at 5pm. Getting to bed at a sensible time is also paramount these days, as last year I found myself drifting off during lectures - if the same were to occur this year, the consequences could be quite nasty. Missing a vital piece of info in a lecture or dropping my delicate project materials because I was yawning too hard is a real possibility now.

*RL - My project, if you would like to know, is about creating tiny microlenses - each about 120 microns across and only a few microns high (1 micron = 1 millionth of a meter) - about 200,000 of them on a fused silica substrate. I won't go into details, but it does involve using a clean room where you have to cover your shoes and wear a stupid, flimsy boiler suit type thing and rubber gloves. If anyone would like to know more, I'd be more than happy to explain in a future post.

*SL - I changed my skin. I know it may not seem like a big deal to some, but I have been using various Abyss skins for a long, long time, and thought that nothing could ever match them. Well, I somehow forgot that Aitui were coming out with a new set - The Redeemer skins - so when I discovered them during the usual casual run down of my favourite shopping LMs that I like to do from time to time, I went a little bit nuts for them. Somehow they seem to suit my shape perfectly - as if the last couple of months spent tweaking with my size and proportions were all leading up to one joyful reunion with the Aitui skinline - cos if you remember, I used to wear Aitui skins all the freaking time.

*RL - For those of you that don't know, I have moved out of Edinburgh into the surrounding area. Still only a bus ride away from the city centre, it is much quieter and more relaxed here in East Calder, and much closer to the uni as well. Not only that, but the property is larger and cheaper than our previous one, even though there are 4 of us sharing it in total now.

Ehhmmm.. I think thats most of it. I don't know when the next time I post will be. Could be tomorrow, next week, next month.. I dunno. But I am determined to at least make it to 300 posts on this blog before I call it a day and let it die peacefully *sniffle*

Anyways - I'll see you around some time :D

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 24 May 2008

A Year

Wow. A whole freaking year. 12 months. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525600 minutes. 31536000 seconds.

Thats a long time, especially in SL... and especially for being partnered to someone in SL. It was Nicho and mine's anniversary yesterday - we've been partnered a year to the day and we had great fun last night, dancing at Avilion Castle - one of the very first places we ever went for a date. We have this kinda love for revisiting places that hold warm memories for us - like Apollo and the BlueBoy Club.. we were totally gutted that the Sublime restaraunt went out of business a while ago and the replacement was a pile of crap.

We had planned to try and reserve part of the Apollo sim for a few hours last night, but there was no reply to the notecard I sent the sim manager weeks ago. Still, it didn't hurt our night too much, cos Avilion castle is still around, and wasn't too busy or laggy either and I gotta say that my boy looked incredibly beautiful in his massive pink gown - its technically a wedding dress, but it looks good on any occaision - and he managed to convince me to put on a matching pink silk shirt, cream waistcoat and pants from Armidi.. and.. well.. I kinda liked wearing the pink for once, it looked alright :D

The thing about partnerships in SL is that they are so easy to create. Just a couple of clicks of a button, and their name is in the little box in your profile. Its the same for ending a partnership. I guess that lowers the value of being partners in SL somewhat, if you know what I mean..

However, just having that name in the box does not constitute a partnership.. that person is not your partner because your profile tells you so. They're your partner cos you love them, care for them, and wanna be with them, for as long as you possibly can - and thats alot harder to build up than clicking a button - and much harder to destroy too. All the partnership box does is let the rest of the world know this.

I don't know what the future holds for us.. like Nicho said to me last night, we aren't even half way down the list of things we can do and experience together. I agreed and said that I hope we always have more to look forward to together than to look back on. I can say there are several things the future sure does have in store for us... Our baby son Lior, of course.. he must be what.. 5 months along by now.. I think. Other stuff too that I can't think of at the moment lol but I'll let you know as it happens. Maybe :P

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 10 May 2008

Well Damn

Its been sooo freaking long since I posted on here, I just figured I had to, incase the thing got declared dead and then was buried or something. Anyways, here I am, and where have I been?

Busy. I have an RL now - a full time, annoying, wonderful, interesting, depressing Real Life. Its not so bad... I have been spending more time with friends and going out and stuff.. but mainly I have been away because of the huge amount of uni work I have this term. 5 days a week, 4 of them 9am starts (meaning getting up at 7am) and 4 days a week I dont finish til 4pm - and dont get home after them til about 5:30pm. Fun eh? No.

But I was neglecting my responsibilities in SL, quite badly.. I didnt stop to think what I was putting people here through by being away without letting them know what was happening. There was a period where I didnt touch my computer for 5 days, and it was great to be away from it, but I discovered just how much I missed SL and how much SL missed me as soon as I returned. I've now made a promise to Nicholai that I'll never be away for more than 2 nights without emailing him to let him know where I am, to make sure he doesnt go through that again.

So.. whats going on now? Well, the main thing I guess is that our castle is gone. Taken back, removed, vanished, destroyed. Aprikat asked us to cut down on our prims - to be honest, I was surprised they let us get away with using up 250% of our parcel's capacity for so long - and we decided that as we'd need to return some of the main parts of the castle grounds and most interesting pieces, we might as well go for a total change.

Now we are going Sci-Fi. Yup. Couldnt get much more different huh? It was mostly our visits to, and experiences in, the Necronom VI space station RP community that inspired us to create a space home of our own.

Essentially, the mountainous island has been made into a deceased volcano, with smooth walls and a shallow, sea-level crater at the centre. On this island will be housed several different processing facilities and control rooms in varying degrees of disrepair that help support the eco system of the island as well as the life support systems of the space station high above.

Of course, our 'characters' have had makeovers too.. I am now a 5,000+ year old human-elf cross breed, with cybernetic parts and a symbiotic demonic intelligence inhabiting my system. Yup. A kinda human-elf-robo-demon. Possibly the same person I was in the last epic RP story our characters inhabited...

Nicholai, however, is now a being cloned from the last surviving members of a unique and rare species variant of the common neko people. I modified and conditioned him to make a perfect pet.. loyal, obedient, caring, intelligent and.. well.. sexy as hell. In order to try and ensure the continuation of his species, as well as to give myself a little more to do in the evenings, I cloned him and created his twin.. Although the clones do tend to vanish from time to time and often have some slight defects, they are usually more or less identical to the original Nicholai. Interesting huh :D

So yeah.. thats my new SL story and so on. I'll try and start updating this thing again, but no promises. However, just be assured that my blog will never die. I will always be updating it sometime or another, I am not just gonna leave it rotting for too long. But dont expect it to be every day or every week...

Esmie xXx

Friday, 4 April 2008


Just a quick post to explain why I havent been posting to my blog, been on SL much the past few days, and why I wont be on again until next week.

Firstly, I havent been posting to my blog because I dont really see the point anymore - I have so much to talk about and to show you all that I just cant decide what to write about and honestly I'd rather spend that time actually doing things rather than talking or thinking about them. I'm not saying the blog is dead, because it is still useful - for moments like this - and when I do eventually recover from my writer's block I will be posting again.

I havent been on the past few days because, somehow, I suddenly had an RL - friends visiting, things to do, places to go, stuff to see - and it was great. I didnt really miss SL that much - I was almost afraid of logging in again last night cos of all the notices and crap I'd have to deal with - but I am glad I did, because it reminded me just how much I missed my friends and loved ones in SL.

Over the weekend I am going down to London to visit my family and wont be back up until tuesday, and probably wont be back on SL til wednesday. My parents want me to help them set up a laptop while I am down there - assuming they have bought it, they keep me totally in the dark about these things - so I should be able to get email at least, as long as a) they actually have one for me to set up and b) it works *lol*

Don't leave me IMs, they will almost certainly get capped. Email me!

See ya laterz ;]

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Virtual Reality

Ok, there is clearly no such thing as a virtual version of 'reality'- as in the 'real world', because no matter how hard LL or any developer tries, no simulation can match the world around us in terms of beauty, feelings, emotions and senses. So, I often think that simulations and virtual worlds such as SL are at their very best not when attempting to imitate RL, but when they either go completely off the rails or add their own spin to things.

Examples could include anything from having a bath in lava to full-on hover boards, alternative histories (like the south won the US civil war or something), and into the future of RL, such as commercial space flight and meals in a pill. And male pregnancy.

Yeah, male pregnancy. Guess what? Yup. What started off as a joke is now actually happening - for those of you who dont know. Nicholai and I went and got one of those baby in tummy talking things. Yes, it is official, Nicholai is pregnant with my child. Now, I am not big on biology or anything, but I am pretty sure thats a miracle.. or it would be if this was reality. Because there are literally no biological rules in SL, it is possible for a guy to become pregnant. Why the hell not? Is there anything wrong with that? No, I dont think so, because it represents an awesome bit of surreal, alternative reality that makes SL stand out from everywhere else.

So if anyone thinks its wierd that my boyfriend is pregnant then stop being so goddamn conformist and bound by reality's rules. But if you dont think its wierd then good on ya, you have ascended to a higher plane of existance and can understand concepts outside the realms of the everyday, normal world. Yay! lol

We have also decided on a few other things. Firstly, the baby is a boy. Secondly, Nicho has been pregnant a month now so we have only 8 months left to build a nursery and find a midwife etc..

Oh yes, and we named him Lior, which is 'Light'.

Now that I am 21 - it was my birthday on the 10th - and thanks so so much for all the messages and presents, guys, it means so much to me, really - I am beginning to feel a little more mature for some reason. Its awful, I know.. in this ageless wonderland I inhabit, I actually feel older - whereas in RL I feel no different whatsoever. So strange. Its like my av is growing faster than me - must be due to the crazy time SL operates on.. you know.. one RL week = one SL month etc.

Hopefully I wont be neglecting this blog too much longer.. I apologise for my lack of posting recently, but hang in there if you havent abandoned me already. We are almost at 300 posts and at that landmark I have something awesome planned.

Esmie xXx

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Tigers and Eagles

Ok well for a long, long time I was a neko and then suddenly one day... I just stopped wearing the parts and became human again (at least in general appearance..). Nicholai did the same and we became elves for a while. Recently, Nicho decided to put on his neko stuff again and it reminded me just how amazingly cute he looked in it.. seriously, its the cutest thing in the whole world, that little tail swaying side to side just above that perfect.. ok I'll stop there. So anyways, I went back to being a neko again, but I was wanting something a little different. I thought about kitsune, and got the parts, but somehow they didnt seem quite right, or look quite as good as they did on anyone else I have seen in them.

So I decided to remain neko and find myself a non-Hybrid set of parts. Its not easy finding something just right for yourself after being used to the same thing for so long... but I eventually spotted another neko with some unusual and awesome ears and managed to do the old 'Inspection' thing on em and found out about a place called Outland Tech and Curious Relics - OTCR.

Now, this place is not big or well-known or advertised much... but it sure as hell deals in quality rather than quantity OMG these ears and tail are fucking awesome. They are not cheap - came to about 850L for the set, but they are very, very cool and make you feel nicely unique in a sea of neko clones. Now, of course, they have multiple positions, fur textures and colour options, so I went for plain white and managed to find the silver/white Delinquent hair from the GL in my inventory...

The problem with this hair is that it leaves a big gap on your forehead.. and what better way to fill it then with a set of horns - the gorgeous, sculpted little horns of the Faun avatar from Hybrid no less - and add a set of yellow neko eyes I got waaaay back, when I first became neko and my neko-demon form is born :D

Now, also at OTCR they had a huge display, upon which there was a set of wings. They didnt look that impressive, except for the fact they were clearly modelled on bird rather than angel, fairy or bat/demon type wings. I looked at the price tag and almost died, yet a few days later curiousity got the better of me and I returned and read the notecard and watched the video online of the wings in use. And then I bought them.

I gotta say, they were worth the price tag. A few people know it but I aint gonna put it up on here. Basically the wings do not use SL's built in flight system, rather they use a pseudo-physics engine that means you have to flap to propel yourself. Honestly, it is one of the trickiest things I have ever bought and a real bitch to use in a laggy or crowded or object-heavy sim. However I can also say that from my first successful take off in them, they rendered all other forms of travel in SL completely obsolete to me.

Absolutely nothing had prepared me for the incredible sensation of actually feeling like you are flying - really flying - swooping, diving, gliding and flapping amongst the clouds. I cannot quite say what it is about it that makes me feel so elated and I also cannot quite get a picture to capture that feeling, as flying with these wings requires constant adjustment and attention.

They come with their own little set of animations and because they are not limited by SL's flight system they have no maximum height restrictions :D

Of course, I had to make a whole look up around these wings so I came up with the concept of an eagle-demon hybrid, essentially swapping out the tail and ears from the neko form for the wings. Just check out the pic below for an idea of how awesome these babies are, and this is just in their ugly on the ground form :O

Eagle-Demon Hybrid

Esmie xXx

Friday, 22 February 2008

Esmiel dusts off his blog and picks up his keyboard once again...

... and has no idea what to write, but he's sure something will come to him as he rambles about not having the motivation or creativity to have written anything on here in the past weeks.

Well I guess a good start would be to tell y'all whats been happening during that time.

I guess the biggest thing is that we (Nicho and myself) went and had our first threesome!

... and who was the lucky guy that joined in with the most exclusive pair in SL? His name is Farzen and he is my alt *lol*

Ok I think you may need an explanation because that last sentence made me sound like a crazy pervert. Well... a while ago I admitted to Nich that a fantasy of mine would be to have two of him (or more..) at once and he said the same for him, he'd love to have sexy twin Masters. Sooo... I created Farzen, my alt, and made him identical to myself for a few days, and Nich had two identical Masters to please, which I can assure you, he managed quite well. Of course, its an emoting nightmare, especially running two clients at once on my pc (which can just about handle it), it can be very easy to make a mistake and mess the whole thing up. Luckily I only did that once so its not too bad.

Then, I made Farzen identical to Nicholai and he became my second boy last night, collar and all. So now I have hot blonde twin slaves, and as being submissive is Nicholai's speciality rather than mine, he did Farzen's emotes included in his own, which also worked good.

Essentially, Farzen is a sex toy I guess you could say, and we use him to live out some of our fantasies. However, I do find myself feeling a little sorry for him, seeing as how he will never have a mind of his own and is always gonna be just an accessory to our love life. Still, he is one damn lucky accessory *lol* considering how protective over- and exclusive to- each other me and Nich actually are.

So yeah, anyone confused on Boots beach last night by the appearance of me and both my boys.. don't worry, you weren't tripping. It was just me, Nich and my alt, who looks identical to Nicho. Simple eh?

Wow I managed to write quite alot so far and there is more to come... but I will leave it so I have something to write about tomorrow :P

Esmie xXx

Friday, 8 February 2008

You can file this post under Misc.

Technology. Isnt it wonderful? We (my RL roomies and myself) recently got ourselves a 32" Samsung HD ready LCD TV with built in digital tuner and it fucking rocks, especially when plugging the Xbox 360 into it and playing some Assassin's Creed. Totally awesome.

However, technology is also not very wonderful, especially when it makes life difficult (which kinda defeats the whole idea of its own purpose), like freakin ATI graphics cards! Whats up with having to install a new .NET Framework when I upgrade my drivers, just so I can have rendered sky AND water in Windlight? Stupid.

Now, about the whole baby thing. It was a joke, just to make absolutely certain everyone knows. I told Nicholai how much people got into it and stuff and he laughed his ass off... Before asking me if I actually, properly, wanted one. I said 'sure I'd love to be a father...' but of course, the prim babies in SL are hideous and I dont think I wanna adopt a child av, thats just kinda wierd (as if the idea of my male partner giving birth in general isnt...)

So.. no babies :) Not until they/we can make a prim baby that actually has the realistically combined genetic features of its parents, that doesnt talk bullshit every 5 mins and that doesnt look/act as creepy as hell...

In other news, we recently constructed a "lost temple" under the water off the West coast of our island. Its essentially the headquarters of a once powerful and wealthy brotherhood of monks, dedicated to Raynya, the goddess of lust. As you can imagine, the priests were chosen for their looks, and the sacrifices... well the same with them too. Raynya doesnt demand sacrifices of blood tho... she needs something much tastier and it was the priests' job to extract this stuff from the sacrifices.

The temple isn't quite what it was once upon a time tho. An earthquake sank it deep into the sea bed long ago and, quite luckily, the jewel at the centre of Raynya's altar holds enough power to create a protective air bubble all around :) The temple includes a 'training room' where the boys to be sacrificed are taught by the priests, and the priests themselves practice, the best umm.. techniques...

Its so much fun, I will be getting some pics of it soon I hope :P

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 2 February 2008

Baby Talk...

[16:37] Nicholai Heita looks at the stick...
[16:37] Nicholai Heita: I think
[16:37] Nicholai Heita: I am pregnant.....
[16:37] Esmiel Posthorn faints
[16:38] Nicholai Heita: ((I love this one commercial for one of those it says, "The most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on"))
[16:38] You: LOL
[16:38] Nicholai Heita pokes you
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: ummmm....Eshy...
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: are you ok?
[16:39] Esmiel Posthorn wakes up and says "Was it a bad dream.. you arent really pregnant are you?!"
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: nope I'm pregnant
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: it turned blue
[16:39] Esmiel Posthorn faints again
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: o.O
[16:39] Nicholai Heita shakes you
[16:39] Nicholai Heita: Get up!
[16:39] You: Urrgh.. no..
[16:39] You: why?
[16:40] You: our sex life is ruined now you're pregnant..
[16:40] Esmiel Posthorn sobs
[16:40] Nicholai Heita: ummm..I should be saying that, your not the one who is gonna have to push a kid out their ass
[16:40] Nicholai Heita: umm no you can have sex til the third trimester :P
[16:40] You: Yeah but after its born..
[16:40] You: it'll always be around distracting us
[16:41] You: for the next 20 years..
[16:41] Esmiel Posthorn sobs
[16:41] Nicholai Heita: ummmm that is what we have wet nurses and governesses for
[16:41] Esmiel Posthorn dries his eyes and whimpers "We dooo?"
[16:41] Nicholai Heita nods
[16:41] Nicholai Heita: ummmmm....royalty doesnt raise their own children love
[16:41] Nicholai Heita: dont
[16:42] You: Will your ass ever even be able to feel my cock in it again afterwards?
[16:42] Nicholai Heita nod
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: nods
[16:42] You: phew..
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: I'll have a ceasarin thing w/e
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: :P
[16:42] You: well I'm gonna be a modern royal father and take care of my kid..
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: LOL
[16:42] You: nuuu cos then you'll have a huge scar across your stomach ; ;
[16:42] Nicholai Heita: okies then I'll do it natural o.-
[16:43] You: maybe you can puke it up?
[16:43] You: might be easier
[16:43] Nicholai Heita heaves
[16:43] Nicholai Heita: lol
[16:43] You: Can you get an abortion? I aint ready to be a daddy..
[16:43] You: I'm only 20 for gods sake D: and we dont have a big enough house for a kid
[16:43] Nicholai Heita: ok we can use the uninvented scarless ceaserin thing thats only in SL
[16:44] Nicholai Heita rolls his eyes
[16:44] Esmiel Posthorn gets up and sighs
[16:44] Nicholai Heita: you shouldnt of gotten rid of my pills then
[16:44] You: Its prolly not even mine.. bet it was those tentacles..
[16:44] Nicholai Heita:
[16:44] Nicholai Heita: anyway the tentacles were you LOL
[16:45] You: ssshhh :P
[16:45] Esmiel Posthorn wonders what the baby will look like and shudders violently
[16:45] Nicholai Heita: awww its gonna be so cute
[16:45] Nicholai Heita: unless it happens to be a really bad bowel movement o.-
[16:46] You: yeah.. but it'll have vampire teeth, elf ears, angel wings, demon horns, tentacles, a forked tongue, a 12" penis, webbed feet and probably pink eyes
[16:46] You: >_>
[16:46] Nicholai Heita: omg a 12" penis would be awesome
[16:46] You: on a baby?!?!?!?!
[16:46] You: lol
[16:46] Nicholai Heita: double if its a girl
[16:46] Nicholai Heita: LOL
[16:46] You: LMFAO
[16:47] Nicholai Heita: daddy why do I have boobs and a penis?
[16:47] Nicholai Heita: o.-
[16:47] Nicholai Heita: ummmm ask your mother she has the same problem
[16:47] You: which daddy are you asking? o_o
[16:47] You: lol
[16:47] You: rofl
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: daddy did I hurt coming out of your ass
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: yes I wanted you to die
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: o.-
[16:48] You: lol
[16:48] You: was even less fun to watch >_>
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: holy crap he is giving birth to a pearl necklace!
[16:48] Nicholai Heita: O:
[16:49] Nicholai Heita: you so didnt get that
[16:49] You: no i didnt..
[16:49] Nicholai Heita: anal beads...
[16:49] You: ohh
[16:49] You: :|
[16:49] Nicholai Heita: -.-
[16:49] You: hilarious
[16:50] Nicholai Heita: you are gonna watch it come out of me thats for sure...
[16:50] Nicholai Heita: -.o
[16:50] You: lol that lil baby chat is going on the blog :P
[16:50] Nicholai Heita: if its as big as your penis it will be fine
[16:51] You: D:
[16:51] Nicholai Heita imagines 12 inch little Eshies popping out
[16:52] Nicholai Heita: with 12 inch cocks
[16:52] You: :/
[16:52] You: I dont like thinking about babies with big dicks lol
[16:52] You: >_> call me crazy
[16:52] Nicholai Heita: lol
[16:52] Nicholai Heita: omfg get me some peanut butter and strawberry ice cream now!

Yeah, we are random...

Esmie xXx

Friday, 1 February 2008

I had a really great idea for a post...

... but I forgot it inbetween preparing for my class test later today, worrying about the hospital appointment I eventually missed this morning and generally trying to keep my life from spinning out of control, crashing off the road and ending up in a blaze of flame and smoke and flying wheels at the bottom of some cliffs. Ok, maybe thats an exaggeration, but you know how thing build up sometimes and you have so much to do and think about, as well as the realisation that you need to do more, haven't done enough so far and are going to get more to do tomrrow? Well things come to point sometimes where you just have to sort yourself out and get on with the stuff.

Anyways, I am happy to say I am not losing control of either life and things actually seem to be going alot better in each than I had realised whilst locked away in my lil box of despair and misery. I'm out of that now and I feel pretty good and confident that things are going to be fine, altho I should really be preparing further for my test later today, rather than sitting here typing this drivel, but I'm just not in the mood so it can wait :)

I didn't log in last night, for the first time in.. hmm.. months? I decided to take a night off and spend it with the RL guy, cos I came to the realisation that I spend more of my free time in SL than RL and I need to balance it a little bit more. No worries tho, I am gonna be spending plenty of time on SL still *lol* nothing can keep me away..

I should really begin posting about more interesting things, rather than just going over this random bullshit for the sake of keeping the blog going. So, perhaps expect fewer posts in future - free time is at a premium again - but the ones I do put up will be better, funnier, more interesting, more thought provoking, more relevant and longer. Quality over quantity I say :)

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Quality Control

I've been sitting here for about ten minutes now, watching the 'Logging in. Second Life may appear frozen. Please Wait' screen while I wait to log in. Its definitely not frozen .. and omg right then it just said something unexpected has gone wrong. *Tries again*

The client I am using at the moment is an fairly old version of the standard one and it seems to run a shitload better than some of the new ones. I have been mightily pissed off recently at the quality of the new clients LL have been crapping out, especially the most recent Windlight one. If you hadn't noticed the bug that allows you to see invisible-scripted objects - such as hidden poseballs, particle emitters and genitals - then I guess you must be a Linden :) I want to know HOW THE FUCK THEY DIDNT SPOT THIS?! Talk about quality control.. sheesh! What a load of bullshit. The little poll they had on the login screen 'Is your SL experience getting better or worse?', I wonder how many people said Better. Interesting how they haven't published any results from that yet, eh?

I'm still waiting for SL to log me in. I think this is the fourth time. This hasnt happened in a while and I guess it must be partly due to the server upgrades going on or something, but there are more than 40,000 people online, why can't I join them?!

So, I have made the next poll about the quality of our second lives and whether we generally agree that things have got a whole lot worse recently. I dont think it takes much explanation.
Hopefully I'll see you inworld sometime soon ;)

Well I was gonna make a poll.. but I get a 404 Error every time I try and create one so I dunno whats goin on... Maybe its my connection being a complete bitch again >_<

Esmie xXx

Sunday, 27 January 2008

Being a Master

What difference does it make? Seeing as how we had such a close and loving relationship before the collaring, I personally didn't expect it to make much difference, either to the way I feel towards my boy or to the way we live together. How wrong I was.

To tell you the truth, it has made a massive difference and as far as I am aware, its all been totally positive and for the better. Not only does it make me kinda.. well.. very, actually.. excited to have this power over such a wonderful, obedient and faithful partner as Nicholai, but I know he also loves the submissive role, and even without using any of the power I have over him, just the kinda atmosphere and situation gives our errmm.. personal time together a little bit more excitement and hawtness.

Learning how to use the boy's collar - its an Amethyst Slim one from Sensations - has been fun too and some of the poses contained within it are extremely sexy indeed. My favourite function of it, tho, has to be the leash. Not only does it ensure the boy keeps up with me (he gets very bad lag and has difficulty just walking in a straight line sometimes) but its also incredibly hot, and it gives a real sense of ownership and belonging.

Of course, not all Masters get it right and they have to learn the limits of their slave. I've gone maybe a little too far by caging him once, that really pissed him off. I wont be doing that again *lol* Because, its not just about what the Master wants. He has to keep his slave happy and comfortable and respect their wishes and limits. Of course, being the boy's partner since last May has helped with this...

I know how alot of slaves get treated badly, and often a slave wants to be collared by their Master as a quick route to a relationship - which most often does not work. However, we've done this the other way around and it really does work. Recently, we've been exploring the sexual side of our relationship a whole lot more, admitting various kinks and fantasies to each other. We've tried shibari, the Japanese art of tying up your lover in erotic positions - I now have some amazing snapshots to adorn the dungeon wall with. We've done some exceptionally naughty RP -well, it required my character not having many morals-... that was the hottest ever, pretty much.

Just trust me on this: After admitting your fantasies, kinks and fetishes to your partner and discovering they enjoy some of them too, and they have even more exciting ones you didn't know you liked, your relationship becomes far stronger and the sex even more amazing. So I suggest you try it :P

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 24 January 2008


Well here we are. A shocking truth has been uncovered... the readers of this blog play SL more than any other kind of game... big surprise... ;D

Here's the official results. Taking my lessons from the situation in Kenya, I have 4 computers I could vote with to make sure my fave wins, I chose not to, for fear of riots and a widespread breakdown of society that this would inevitably cause. So here goes...

I don't play anything except SL - 5 Votes - 41%
Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games - 3 - 25%
Racing/Driving - 2 - 16%
First Person Shooters - 1 - 8%
Strategy - 1 - 8%
Puzzle, Text-Based Adventure, Platformer, Arcade, non-MMO RPGs, 3rd Persom Action/Adventure, Fighting - 0 - 0%

Seeing as SL is infact not a game, we can kinda take that out and view it seperately. What it basically shows us is people spend their time on SL instead of playing other games - but if you didn't have SL, would you be playing a game? Or going for a walk in the park... or whatever it is people with real lives do.

I am not surprised MMORPGs came in quite high, as I guess some people would be attracted to SL as a kinda evolution in some way of other online games - the environment and possibilities in SL cannot be ignored by anyone who is at level 70 and bored of WoW or whatever.

Driving games have always been a fave of mine. It started with Gran Turismo 3 on the PS2.. I used to spend all day driving around, not even racing, because I loved the sound of my TVR Griffith 500's engine after spending the 80,000 Cr. NA Tuning option on it. I actually loved that game, very few others have actually made me feel as awesome or emotional.. the suspense on the final lap, the elation of winning... or the utter, utter misery of crashing on the last bend of a 15 lap race and watching everyone sail past. My most recent love in the driving world has been Burnout - pretty much the opposite end of the scale from GT - and I currently have my eye on Burnout Paradise for my 360...

One racing game I do hate, however, is Project Gotham. Its too realistic and unforgiving - that just makes it hard and boring.

I was hoping First Person Shooters would come higher... these being my absolute all-time faves. I have played so many... GoldenEye, Doom 64 on the N64, Timesplitters 1-3 (Best kills without dying score on TS3: 750 or so), Black, Red Faction 1-2, Medal of Honour on the PS2, F.E.A.R., Far Cry, Prey, Battlefield 2, Quake 2 on the PC and of course Halo 1-3 on the Xboxes and I never get bored of shooting people in the face. However, there are loads I have never played - Call Of Duty, Doom 3, Bioshock and all those other awesome ones I just haven't bothered with recently. I dont know why I enjoy them so much.. I guess its partly due to the way my RL at times becomes incredibly stressful and I get angry or whatever. I have never lashed out or done anything violent in my RL towards another person, despite sometimes wishing I could, I always hold back and then take out my frustration on a virtual enemy. When people say videogames cause violence they are talking shit. I woulda probably punched or kicked alot more people in RL if I didnt have games to take out my anger on.

Strategy is my second fave, my greatest love in this genre being the Age of Empires and the Command & Conquer series. Blitzkrieg is also a very, very good game if you like killing nazis by the tankload and lets face it, who doesn't?

I have noticed recently the number of voters in my polls slipping. Whyyyy? Whats going on? *sobs* I am amazed platformers and fighting games did not get a vote and also 3rd person action - that includes GTA, guys! And Metal Gear Solid!!! How can that not be amongst the fave games of at least one person who reads this? I just dont get it...

Anyways, feel free to comment and complain about the various placings and which genre you think should be top, etc.

I am cooking up a good lil poll for the next few days, stay tuned :P

Esmie xXx

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Massive Flickr Update!!!

For anyone who cares, here is the link to the latest batch of 11 shots from our castle. Most of the exterior is finished now and it is looking pretty damn... well just see for yourselves!

Go look now!

Details and information on each image is given just below it :)

If you'd like more details and/or info on where I bought stuff then just leave a comment either here or on the flickr page!

Esmie xXx

Monday, 21 January 2008

Just a Warning... and another thing!

Rick passed on this message to me he got today. Figured I should let you guys know, just in case it turns out to be serious. Rick has also sent a note to Shawn Mission so he will be dealing with a Group Notice soon I imagine.

[15:48] Rick Crossing: If someone by the name of Mark Genesis Gallardo (rugbylegend) wants to add you to their list, don't accept it. It's a virus. Tell everyone on your list because if somebody on your list adds them you will get it, too. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. Please pass this on to everyone on your list.

Now, Time For:

Big News!


...collared Nicholai tonight.

[14:46] You: Now, as your Master, I will expect you to be obedient. But of course, I will not make you do anything you do not wish to. Understand?

[14:46] Nicholai Heita: Yes Master

[14:49] You: I collar you not only to claim you as mine but also to let the world know that you belong to me and that you are the only one I will ever deem worthy of wearing it

[14:49] Nicholai Heita: I am very honoured Master

[14:52] Esmiel Posthorn reaches down and runs his fingers through your soft golden hair before placing the collar around your neck and locking it with a click as he says "This collar not only represents your devotion to me, but also mine to you" and he stands back to admire his boy.

[14:53] Nicholai Heita trembles softly as he feels the cool metal on his skin

[14:54] Esmiel Posthorn runs his fingers under your chin and lifts your face to look into his. "How does it feel, knowing you will never wear a collar belonging to another?"

[14:55] Nicholai Heita blushes softly and he says, "It feels wonderful my Master"

Now, this is not Gorean stuff, I wanna make that clear from the start. I detest Gor.

Nicholai remains my partner first, boy second, and the collar is mainly about giving a physical embodiment to the idea that I own both his body and heart in SL. Its also a way of being naughty and dominant over him, also giving him the attention and security he needs. It really is a wonderful feeling :)

Master Esmie xXx

Sunday, 20 January 2008

The Problems With Owning A Castle...

Firstly, the biggest obstacle is filling it. So far we have used about a third of the space and don't have any idea about what to do with the rest of it. We have a study (my personal room), the main lounge/living area/throne room, the master bedroom, a secondary Indian-themed bedroom (Nicholai's personal room), the dining room and the bathing/hot tub room. We still have one or two rooms left to fill on the first two floors and an entire floor above that to fill :O What on Earth are we gonna do with it all? Maybe a bowling lane, I dunno. We'll think of something I am sure :)

Secondly is the landscaping. You have to make the castle look as if it has been in that place for hundreds of years, never easy - especially as things in SL always seem to look so shiny and new and plain. Also, you have to make the world around it both interesting and believable. The amazing realism in the lighting and texturing of the build needs an equally stunning home and creating it is not simple.

Thirdly and perhaps the nastiest, is dealing with your own air of self-importance and curbing back your snobbishness. Sometimes I let it slip, saying something like "Oh well, your place isn't bad but maybe its a bit small compared to my castle", or... "You're a peasant! Get your filthy unwashed hands off my cape!" and I just end up sounding kinda arrogant and ridiculous. But still, I don't mean to be like that, I am merely trying to play my character, that of an incredibly handsome and athletic elven prince who rules with mercy in his heart and a twinkle in his eye. But who doesn't like being touched by peasants unless they are cleaning his boots with their tongues.

But yeah if I have offended you by calling you a dirty pleb before then I am sorry :)

Fourthly is the time the thing takes up. Hence me not posting as much on here anymore. We have been very very busy building some front steps and waterfall system, and we are very nearly done. As soon as it is, expect a huge update with pics and details and everything!

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 17 January 2008

Poll.. 6?

I think its 6... anyways, I cant think of enough contestants yet for the third round of Whats Sexiest? so here is the poll Osayo suggested :)

A quick explanation:

What is your favourite style or type of game?

MMORPG: Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. Think World of Warcraft and Everquest and you're there. Some say SL is a MMORPG but thats bullshit.

FPS: First Person Shooters. We're talking Halo, Far Cry, FEAR, Timesplitters, Doom, Prey.

Puzzle: Anything from Tetris to Mah-Jong, Chess to those bubble-popping type games.

Text-based adventure: My roomie suggested putting this in here, just for anyone who loves the really old school stuff. I don't know any examples *lol*

Platformer: 2D and 3D so Mario, Sonic, Rayman, Earthworm Jim, Crash Bandicoot, all that stuff.

Racing/Driving: Simulation and arcade style - Gran Turismo and Project Gotham are examples of the former; Burnout, Ridge Racer are the latter. This option includes stuff like Wipeout and Kart games like Mariokart.

Arcade: By this I mean stuff like Pac-Man, or alternatively stuff like penny-drop machines and those things with the claws where you have to pick up a prize, like in an actual arcade... or pretty much any little Java/Flash game you'll find on one of those websites.

non-MMO RPGs. Offline RPG games like Oblivion, Final Fantasy (most of them), you know the kinda thing.

3rd Person Action/Adventure: Where your camera points at your ass all the time, like Tomb Raider, Gears of War, Assassin's Creed etc.

I don't play anything except SL: Speaks for itself, and I am dangerously close to selecting this one.

Fighting/Beat 'em Ups: Street Fighter, Soul Calibur, Tekken, Super Smash Bros. etc. also Wrestling games.

Strategy: Real time, like Age of Empires and Command & Conquer or Turn based like that really awesome one that was out for the Game Boy whatever it was. Advance Wars or something. Also could include Tiny Empires :)

Well there are your options. It'll be interesting to see the results, and I wouldnt have thought of this one unless it was suggested, so thanks Os!

Esmie xXx

Monday, 14 January 2008

The Joys of Quantum Theory

I'm currently waiting in for the delivery of my shiny new baby and am looking over some questions due in tomorrow for my Quantum Theory module. To describe the problems as difficult and complicated is perhaps an understatement.

Firstly, I have to normalise the sci function of the variable x, and apparently I must do this by integrating the square of the modulus between the limits of negative and positive infinity. Its alot harder than it sounds, trust me, because the damn lecturer only gave us one stupid example and did not explain it to us. At the time, I thought this might be enough to get through the questions with.

The answer to the normalisation should be 1. I get ((2*(A^2))/5)*(Infinity^5) which is "2 times A squared over 5, all multiplied by infinity to the power of 5" which is fucking stupid and impossible and certainly not 1. Unless A is a ridiculous number, something like ((5/2)*Infinity^-7). Which is seriously not possible.

But looking at the example, and following through the calculation steps, I cannot see how you could possibly get anything else. I just messaged my friend asking how she was getting on with the questions and she replied, literally as I am writing this, "I can't do any of them, its awful". She's the smartest person in the class :)

After normalising 4 seperate functions, there are two further sets of questions also due in tomorrow that are quite similar yet of an even higher difficulty. I haven't really looked at those yet, for fear of having some kind of nervous breakdown or heart attack.

So I think I might be giving up on that for the time being and ask the lecturer to explain it a little more thoroughly to us and to possibly extend the deadline. This is just the beginning of the second week. By the end of week 8 either I will be in a much better position and able to understand almost everything, or I will know pretty much nothing, which is what happened last term. Here's hoping that things don't get that much more complicated :)

Esmie xXx

Friday, 11 January 2008

Well hey there...

Been a while o_o

I know some people say that after coming back to their blog after like a month or something, but for some reason, it seems a very long time since I made my last post on tuesday. Anyways, the reason I haven't been posting much this week is because I just haven't had much to say... For once!

I'm currently waiting for the new Windlight viewer to download... so glad they fixed those horrid black bands in the sky. I am also hoping that this stupid computer won't be crashing every five minutes when I use the new client... it gets very annoying, but apparently it happens quite alot to my roomie when he plays WoW on this machine too so it is most probably a fuck up somewhere in the pc, rather than the viewer.

Lucky I won't have to be using this thing much longer then.. as my new computer is being delivered on monday :D

So now I can be on as much as I like, but please, guys.. remind me to study every once in a while, I tend to forget these things quite easily. I have also been forgetting how to stay awake in lectures recently... its horrific, really. I don't feel tired or exhausted outside the lecture, but after about ten or fifteen minutes I start to blink and my eyes close and no matter what I do... take notes, slap myself, put my keys under my ass in a painful position... I nod off. I did it twice today, the first time the lecturer didn't notice.. but everyone else did. You know how sometimes when you are falling asleep how you might feel like you fall suddenly, or trip or something and then suddenly jerk awake. Well I did that, and almost fell off my chair, much to everyone's amusement.

After that, I promised myself I would not fall asleep in the next lecture, because our tutor for this one is a wierd and extremely funny Argentinian guy who likes to make everyone else in the room scared of him with witty comments and little digs and insults. I almost fell asleep - I was right on the edge - and he noticed, shouting my name and saying something about me being away with the fairies, which naturally made everyone laugh. However, I was not the only one to doze off in that period so I don't feel too bad about it. I didn't fall asleep again :)

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 8 January 2008


Ok, well Nicholai took the stuff back.. he wasn't feeling very well all weekend so took it all back until he feels well enough to price it all up and stuff. Fair enough :) A note or IM explaining this would have been nice but it's all good now.

I got my results from my end of term exams last year... ummm not so good, really. Definitely the worst I have ever done, at anything, pretty much. I barely passed Dynamics & Spectroscopy, Electronics and Electromagnetism, but I did pass - thats what counts. I did not pass Maths, which sucks, meaning that now I have to go and re-take it in the summer sometime. However, pretty much everyone in the class did total crap on it.. the highest mark from the class was 68%, in years before it has been at least 80%. I got 22%, well below the 30% or so needed to pass, and some of my friends got less than that, so at least I am not the only one doing the retakes :)

However, now my overall qualification marks have dropped to 39%, and I need over 50 to be able to qualify for the honours degree at the end of this year.. otherwise I will end up with just an 'ordinary' degree that isn't worth the paper its written on. Or so I am told. So, this is the year I actually put some real effort in then, and prove to myself as well as my tutors and friends that I can actually do this thing! *lol* We'll see :)

Results of Poll 5!

1st: Taste - 3 votes - 33%
=2nd: Hearing - 2 - 22%
=2nd: Smell - 2 - 22%
=4th: Legs - 1 - 11%
=4th: Genitals - 1 - 11%
=6th: Sight, Touch, Arms, Emotions - 0 - 0%

Hmmm so yeah there ya go. In order to escape the room and the clutches of this rather sadistic demon, most of us would give up our sense of taste, including me. Why? Cos most food I try, I dont actually like the taste of... and the reason I eat so much junk is because it tastes good. Sooo.. by removing my sense of taste, its almost a favour to me, cos I will be able to eat more foods - including those icky, yucky vegetables - and not get cravings for sweets and naughty things like that, keeping me healthy :)

Whoever voted for genitals must come forward and please explain why, cos I am literally dying to know, as, I am sure, a few others are also.

Hearing is an interesting one... something I sure as hell could never live without. Imagine never hearing music again, never hearing the birds singing in the morning.. or never hearing your partner whisper "I love you" ever, ever again. Bet you regret voting for that now huh :P

Smell, I could live without, I suppose. But I could not live with my parents coming to my place and saying "oh my God this place stinks" and me not knowing about it cos I couldn't smell the rotting body of a mouse/cat/dog/horse behind the couch.

The next round of 'What's Sexiest?" will commence soon, I just need to think up a few more entries... feel free to make suggestions!

Esmie xXx

Monday, 7 January 2008

The Mystery Continues...

Well I haven't seen Nicholai since all that stuff vanished. In fact, the day when he was putting the stuff out was the only time I have seen him in the past week. My guess is that he took it all back into inventory during the few hours I was offline on saturday... if it was asset server problems then may God have mercy on Linden Lab's souls when I'm done with them >:/

My classes start again today so I'll be on alot less, what with my RL bf being home too, I have other things to be occupying me. But I'll try to get on every night cos I know how much you guys will miss me :P

I've bought a few pieces of furniture for the castle from Rustica, a wonderful store full of beautiful sculpty pieces including a simply mind-numbingly incredible bed that I just had to have... even if it was 1200L. Totally worth it! Plus, the owner/creator Maxwell is hilarious and a great guy from what I can see during my brief chat with him, and he really was very helpful and lovely. I'll be going back there for sure...

If you like Yaoi, check out this link... dozens of scanned and translated manga :) The only downside is the nasty ads down either side of the page but for me its worth puttin up with...

See ya after class ;)

Esmie xXx

Saturday, 5 January 2008

Once Upon a Time..

... there was an Elvish Prince named Esmiel, ruler of Beindor ("beautiful land" in English).

Showering, Elf Style

His reason for being an elf has nothing to do, I can assure you, with them being voted most sexiest in a poll on this blog, it is merely coincidence. He ruled alongside his consort, Prince Nicholai, from their castle at Aramar-En-Manmeleth (The Royal Home of Pure Love) and they were happy for many years... until one day they realised they needed some furniture for their castle... and decided that in order to clear out their store rooms and help pay for the new furnishings, they should have a...


[EDIT: Ummm everything seems to have vanished.. whether it was all sold, moved or returned I have no idea, because everything belonged to Nicholai.. ummm.. shit. The link above is no longer any use, in any case so I am removing it.. lol I wonder what the fuck is going on :)]

Esmie xXx

Thursday, 3 January 2008

Flickr Update

I just shoved a load of images detailing the progress so far (all of it done by me, cos Nicho hasn't been on for a couple of days *sniffle*) on the castle's surroundings on Flickr...

See the pics here.

Ummm other stuff...

Not alot. Stay tuned :)

Esmie xXx

Tuesday, 1 January 2008

How the hell did this happen...

What better way to start a new year than by moving into a new home?

Somehow, our new home has turned out to be this:


I still can't believe it...

But it is a fucking awesome feeling, owning a castle, complete with dungeon, secret passage and surrounding mountains, rivers, forests and caves (that I am creating). Nicholai is handling interior furniture.. I got landscaping and so far I am damn proud of my efforts. Will be uploading some pics as soon as parts are complete :)

Esmie xXx


I hope your 2008 is as awesome as it possibly can be and that you'll all still be here to read my blog in another year's time!


Esmie xXx