The Not-so-Wonderful Return of Esmiel

Yes, if you didn't know already, I'm back to SL. It took me a while to think about it, and it took me even longer to make sure it was the right thing to do, but I finally figured out what needed to change in my SL for the balance between the virtual and the real to be restored. I had to end my relationship with Nicholai. Now, ending something like that was hard. It was made harder still by the fact I love him and care about him deeply, and have done ever since we met. It was even harder because I know how much he needs Esmiel..

So, it wasn't easy for me to say and I imagine it was much, much harder for him to hear. I hope he understands that the reason I ended our relationship was because I had no choice but to be selfish. I've been around for him as much as I possibly can over the last year or so, and it was the obligation to be there for him that meant I was on SL as much as possible and that I found it hard to leave.

I couldn't go on being with him, because I couldn't cope with his needs I guess - I would have been able to if I didn't have another life and partner to be with, but that isn't the case. I tried to figure out alternatives to leaving Nic, but they all ended up with me leaving SL anyway.. and then he'd have nobody there. The way I thought it would go was that we'd remain friends and he'd be able to find someone else who could care for him in SL, if he wanted, and when he was ready, he could leave SL and do whatever he wanted.

Unfortunately, he doesn't want to remain in Second Life and will be leaving there soon. I hope we will remain friends through contact on MSN, as I have always said to him.. I wont abandon or forget him, and he has to put up with me caring for him for as long as I can.. because he needs it, and because I want to help him.

So thats the end of my relationships on SL. No more. Never again. I said that once before but this time I mean it - because I dont need one there, and it would only end in pain eventually anyways.

I've spent the last two days sorting my inventory after Nicholai dumped most of his stuff on me in preparation for leaving. I'm probably going to move out of the CNDG land as well.. I'll leave the landscaping or take it, depending on what they want. At the moment I'm hanging out at Chester's new house.. sleeping on his couch as you might say. We've put together a cool place to hang out.. just loads of cushions, couches and beanbags - and giant donut seats from Akeyo :D - and everyone is welcome anytime. I'll try putting a SLURL in here soon.

Ta-ta for now ;D

Esmie xXx