Narcissism

Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who, for some reason, rejected the advances of a nymph, only to end up falling in love with his own reflection - of course, being just an image on the surface of a pond, this lover wouldn't put out - and Narcissus eventually pined away and turned into a flower that bares his name.

I once - a very, very long time ago - heard someone describe me as narcissistic, in SL and I can see why someone would say that. I mean, I know I am attractive and I know guys want me, because they tell me. This leads to the building of an ego and then it starts to get a bit crazy and you love yourself. Sexually attracted to your own image. Now, in RL, that is dangerous and there is a mental disorder associated with it. However, in SL... we are designed and made to either purposefully to attract others, or as a reflection of our creator's ideal. Now for me, I was made as something my creator would enjoy looking at, just as much as everyone else would. I think he succeeded.. I can't stop zooming and spinning the camera around myself, admiring the well toned body, the smooth curves and the expertly chosen skin and tattoos, piercings and hair that all go into making me.

Yeah, I'm a sick freak. However, a creator in love with his creation is not such a bad thing - it means he will take care of me and ensure I never make myself look ugly or stupid - I get a clean change of clothes six times a day and now, every self-absorbed egoist's dream has come true for me; I'm a model. Here I am in the gallery at H & W. I don't think I need to point out which one is me, do I?

Well, I would be a narcissist if I said I was the most attractive there.. I'm not. I can admit that. However, being a model gives you a whole new opportunity to look at yourself. You have to love yourself to be able to stand up there and believe people look at you, to imagine yourself desirable, you have to find yourself desirable, to be sexy, you have to know you are sexy. But, you don't have to believe you are the sexiest, the most desirable... a little modesty matters and I hope I have some - I love to show off, but I have never claimed to be the hottest guy around, and I know I never will be. What I'm saying might just be blindingly obvious to you guys, but for me its a big deal.

I love myself, sure - like, if you can't love yourself, what chance have you got loving anyone else? But I am not in love with myself. That would be silly.

Sooo.. what I think I am trying to say is: Hopefully you wont see an Esmiel flower around anytime soon.

Esmie xXx