Poll 5.

You are trapped in a room by a demon and you will stay there for eternity unless you give him something valuable to you - coins and jewels are of no worth to evil supernatural beings. You have to choose from that list what you would surrender to him in order to escape spending all of time in a bare room, never eating, sleeping or drinking, never seeing daylight or your family and loved ones again - and never dying.

If you were to pick arms for example, they would simply vanish.. there is no painful surgery or anything here, so the process of removing a feature should not factor into your decision.

What'll it be?

You must pick one :)

Feel free to ask questions via comments if anything needs clarifying.

Esmie xXx

I'm back!... and Poll Results!

Woooohoooo! Damn, I missed SL! Feels so good to be home. Had a fabulous time in London, Christmas was really great, it always is with my family. On the way back up to Edinburgh, my Creative Zen V mp3 player ran out of battery with 4 hours of journey time left to go. I had read my magazines and books. So, I spent 4 hours watching the rain on the windows and listening to the straight couple sat behind me kissing noisily. I hope you all had a great time too, maybe you wanna share your experiences through comments on this post? I dunno, just a suggestion.

My email inbox was stuffed with Group Notices, IMs and Inventory Offers. When logging into SL, very few actually appeared, due to basically everything I owned having been returned to me by Nicholai in preparation for moving our house (or possibly buying a new one) to the super secret new place that has appeared in the CNDG continent... oooooooohhhh spooky. All those little green messages killed my IMs and Group Notices. IM capping is dangerous and annoying - any inventory offers from anything other than a fellow resident get lost - so gifts from SLexchange didn't make it through, or from vendors. But nevermind! I'm just glad to be back *lol*

So yeah, what did I miss? Anybody wanna fill me in? Was it anything, at all? I already know Hoaghes and Chester have been partnered - congrats to you cuties :) oh and that reminds me, if you haven't already, go check out the pics from the party on my Flickr page. There aren't many, but I only had time to put the best ones up there.

What to do with myself now? I have a week left until the new term starts at uni! Only a week?! Where the hell did my holiday go...

.. oh yeah, I spent two thirds of it so far in SL, by the end, it will be three quarters of my holiday having been spent in SL. Sad I know, but faced with the bitter Scottish weather and the awful, dreadful places that count as 'clubs, bars and pubs' around here combined with an absence of friends, its not hard to make a decision :)

As for the results of Round 2 of our Whats Sexiest Poll, you've been looking at them for a week so I probably dont need to go into too much detail *lol* But here they are, in order from least popular to most:

=7th: Mermen - 0 Votes - 0%
=7th: Nezumi - 0 Votes - 0%
=5th: Satyrs - 1 Vote - 5%
=5th: Dark Elves - 1 Vote - 5%
4th : Centaurs - 2 Votes - 11%
=2nd: Usagi - 3 Votes - 16%
=2nd: Tentacle Monsters - 3 Votes - 16%
1st: Elves - 8 Votes - 44%

Ok, no more humanoids in the next one. Frickin' Elves with their long golden hair, immortality and love of art, dance, music and poetry, archery and nature. Bastards! What about the poor mermen? I thought my merman avatar was very sexy... Seems I was the only one *lol*

I voted for Tentacle Monsters. Why? Because I think they are awesome and I wish there was more tentacle yaoi. Much, much more. The thing with tentacles is often they are depicted as well.. raping someone. Thats kinda ruined their image somewhat. But see.. I wouldn't mind being attacked by a seething mass of well-lubed, flexible and inquisitive appendages. It can be consensual too ya know :)

So, who/what did you guys vote for, and why? Centaurs is a surprise placing in the top half of the board, I'd like to hear some explanation for that one, please :)

I'll put up a new, more serious poll tomorrow, as a breather before next week's Whats Sexiest? Round 3. Gonna have to think long and hard for that one...

Esmie xXx

I'll be back soon!

Managed to get a spare moment on here to read my emails and write this blog post (obviously lol). I was planning on getting the bus back to Edinburgh on saturday morning, meaning I would be back at my place and in SL that evening. However, a bunch of friends are off to the cinema saturday afternoon/evening to celebrate a birthday or something, so I figured I had better go along. Meaning that I will be returning to Scotland on sunday the 30th.

Oh, and please don't IM me before then - I get them into my email inbox and haven't received any for the past few days, meaning they will have been capped. So drop me a note or email me if it is urgent :)

I hope you all had a fantastic christmas and I look forward to welcoming in the new year with you guys :D

See you soon!

Esmie xXx

Get ready to Part-ay! xD

[17:52] You: i think everyone will leave after 5 mins at the party anyways cos of the lag
[17:52] You: and by leave i mean crash

Nicholai crashed 30 seconds after I said this. We were arranging the last sprig of mistletoe in the dance hall. Yes, there is alot of it *lol*

We've decorated the place perfect, it's all ready for the party now. I tried to get invites out to everyone I could manage, and I know quite a few people are unable to make it, cos of various things. If you wanna turn up at the last minute, I think there will be some space, the main requirements are: You and your date wear red and/or white formal attire, and you must have a date, or at least someone to dance with. If you meet those requirements, and after 2pm SL time on saturday you have nothing better to do, why not IM me and I can get you to the hottest xmas party in SL :D

Tomorrow is the last time I will be on for a week, so I hope to see as many of you then as possible. This is my last blog post until I am safely in London and can find a few spare minutes to let you all know how I am.

If I don't see you before, have a wonderful, safe and happy christmas and holidays, wherever you are and whoever you are with.

Esmie xXx

For You Guys :)

Hope you all have a great one :D

Esmie xXx

Narcissism

Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who, for some reason, rejected the advances of a nymph, only to end up falling in love with his own reflection - of course, being just an image on the surface of a pond, this lover wouldn't put out - and Narcissus eventually pined away and turned into a flower that bares his name.

I once - a very, very long time ago - heard someone describe me as narcissistic, in SL and I can see why someone would say that. I mean, I know I am attractive and I know guys want me, because they tell me. This leads to the building of an ego and then it starts to get a bit crazy and you love yourself. Sexually attracted to your own image. Now, in RL, that is dangerous and there is a mental disorder associated with it. However, in SL... we are designed and made to either purposefully to attract others, or as a reflection of our creator's ideal. Now for me, I was made as something my creator would enjoy looking at, just as much as everyone else would. I think he succeeded.. I can't stop zooming and spinning the camera around myself, admiring the well toned body, the smooth curves and the expertly chosen skin and tattoos, piercings and hair that all go into making me.

Yeah, I'm a sick freak. However, a creator in love with his creation is not such a bad thing - it means he will take care of me and ensure I never make myself look ugly or stupid - I get a clean change of clothes six times a day and now, every self-absorbed egoist's dream has come true for me; I'm a model. Here I am in the gallery at H & W. I don't think I need to point out which one is me, do I?

Well, I would be a narcissist if I said I was the most attractive there.. I'm not. I can admit that. However, being a model gives you a whole new opportunity to look at yourself. You have to love yourself to be able to stand up there and believe people look at you, to imagine yourself desirable, you have to find yourself desirable, to be sexy, you have to know you are sexy. But, you don't have to believe you are the sexiest, the most desirable... a little modesty matters and I hope I have some - I love to show off, but I have never claimed to be the hottest guy around, and I know I never will be. What I'm saying might just be blindingly obvious to you guys, but for me its a big deal.

I love myself, sure - like, if you can't love yourself, what chance have you got loving anyone else? But I am not in love with myself. That would be silly.

Sooo.. what I think I am trying to say is: Hopefully you wont see an Esmiel flower around anytime soon.

Esmie xXx

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Yay.. a grid shut down.. because of this stupid recurring problem with the asset servers. About time they fixed it - I mean, today is the penultimate day the CNDG build team will be working on the project - it is supposed to be finished by tomorrow, and now they can't do their work cos of these bitchy servers. Not that I was working on the project at the time of the shut down.. Nicholai and I were busy elsewhere and so that is why I am extra angry this time *lol* .. it was just getting good too :/

Anyways, I spose it gives me a chance to do some RL things for once.. like showering and eating.

I see Elves are winning at the moment, with tentacle monsters coming in a surprise second. Yay for slime!

As Christmas draws ever nearer, I realise I haven't quite managed to get presents for everyone - SL and RL - but, hopefully, me saying I love them is just as good as any gift ^^;
I should also mention that after saturday night (after the party) I will not be on again for about a week (at the most) - so I will be spending christmas in RL. Not that this is a bad thing - but I wont even have a chance to get into SL to see my loved ones and friends on christmas day - and I know that is the time when at least one of them will be needing me most... :(

Esmie xXx

Poll 4.

Round 2 of our What's Sexiest? competition. This time, we have some more extreme choices, and 'What's sexiest?' means "What would you most want to have sex with?" *lol*

This time around we have:

Mermen - Handsome warriors of the sea with long, flowing locks, powerful arms, broad chests and the tails of fish for legs - which unfortunately means no human genitals... Still, could be worse eh?

Elves - Wood or High Elves, Like Legolas in Lord of the Rings, played by Orlando Bloom - oh, these already won then... *rolls eyes*

Tentacle Monsters - Bit of an odd one this, but I know many people like the idea of big, wriggling, slimy tentacles, pumping every orifice on their body full of sweet monster goo...

Nezumi - Like a neko, but with mouse parts - ears and tail - instead of cat... generally more submissive and smaller than their feline-type cousins.

Usagi - Like a neko, but with rabbit parts instead of cat. Like playboy bunnies, but the ears are warm and the tail wiggles without the hips moving.

Dark Elves/Drow - Elves' somewhat more evil cousins, these guys have skin ranging from black through purple to pale blue. They live underground - yay dungeons! - and are generally a bit sneakier and more dangerous than their woodland counterparts. But still sexy.

Centaurs - a bit like the merman, this one - horse body instead of fish tail - but with one big difference. He definitely does have genitalia. One for size queens only I feel :)

Fauns/Satyrs - like Mr. Tumnas in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Top half human, lower half deer. Cute little guys, mostly, with horns protruding from their foreheads. They play panpipes very well.

So, those are your options... Happy voting!

Esmie xXx

The Results of Poll 3

Well... the greatest, longest standing question in philosophy and religion and all that stuff has been answered, and the results are almost as I expected. Let me explain the options you had:

Question: Is there a God?
- 'God' with a capital G is the dude in the bible who created the world in seven days and created man in his image and then made women out of his rib or whatever it was. If you believe in this God, then you also believe in the Devil and Heaven and Hell and all those stories.

1. Yes of Course - you are a Theist
- This means, yes, there is a God with a capital G and he is omnipotent, omnipresent and omnibenevolent. The Biblical God. This received 6/19 votes or 31%
[Edit: Ok, you can take this option without believing in all the stories, and the God you believe in is the Christian one - just that not all parts of the bible are taken literally - sorry !!! >_<]

2. No, its Impossible - Atheist
- You should have chosen this one if you dont believe in God, the Devil, Heaven, Hell, anything the Bible says, or indeed, anything that any religion says. 1/19 votes or 5%

3. Maybe - Agnostic
-You haven't made up your mind yet. You are waiting for more evidence to decide either way, and you don't feel the need to pick a side. 1/19 votes or 5%

4. Not in the Biblical style
-Perhaps you believe in a god, or gods, without a capital G - or a heaven and hell that are not the same as the ones portrayed by the bible. Perhaps you believe in some other guiding force or ideal or reincarnation. Or maybe you are a scientologist. This got 10/19 votes or 52%

5. Does it Matter?
-I did wonder if anyone would actually pick this, because in the end, does the fact that God may or may not exist actually make any difference to anything we do, or the result of our work and time here on Earth? 1/19 votes or 5%

Guess you all want to know what I chose - well it was option 4; you may have been able to tell by the tone of this piece that I am skeptical about the possibility an all-seeing, all-knowing and all-good being can exist. However, I believe in something else - and the only real term for this is a 'god' - I believe that the world itself is our god - it gave us life, it feeds us, it protects us, it can destroy us in an instant - and through all things on this Earth flows a kind of energy, an eternal spirit that keeps us close and bonded as one living, feeling, breathing unit.

We are animals - different from other animals, but still, we are not special, our existance is based on chance - we got lucky that various genes came together this way, proved to work, allowed us to survive and now here we are - in the position of most powerful and dangerous species in the world. Some might say thats because God put us in this position. I say prove it. It could just as well be aliens that dropped us here, or a big space portal leading to a distant corner of the Universe that the first people fell through, hundreds, thousands, millions of years ago or whatever.

I also believe that when we die, we go back into the earth that created us, our atoms and molecules joining with new particles, and we become new things - reincarnation of a sort - the plastic that makes up your milk bottle was once atoms that could have been part of a person, or part of a star or part of anything imaginable. As for your conscious, your spirit, your energy - what you think makes you human and special, what allows you to love and be happy or sad, or angry - that departs to your own paradise - not a Heaven, where the angels and good people hang out - but your own, eternally peaceful idea, where you are happy, able to do as you please and are always contented. Of course, if you think you are going to Hell when you die, then your idea of the afterlife might not turn out to be so rosy when you get there - your own personal hell.

Well thats my belief - sorry for being so deep there but this is quite a serious subject - I dont know if there is a religion out there for people who share my beliefs - maybe I should start a cult or something *lol*.

Now, I know Osayo has been dying to get his teeth into this debate, but to start things off, it can be clearly seen that most people do not believe in a capital G 'God' - some do, most don't - some don't really even care or haven't thought about it. So, explain your choices guys.. tell me what you do/do not believe in and why you believe so.

I will not tolerate any criticisms of religion or hurtful comments directed against members of a particular faith - I know most of you will never consider saying such things, but it is all too easy to tun a 'does God exist' debate into a 'all religions are evil and God is bullshit' statement - so please dont - the issue here is your own personal beliefs, not to attack those of others.

Esmie xXx

Petition To Increase the Number of Allowed Groups

From 25 to 50! Started by a bunch of DJ's, proving they are useful for something other than ruining parties with dreary music and muffled song introductions.

Read and Sign Here!

Seriously, who wouldn't want to have the choice to be allowed into more groups - I have had to delete several off my list recently because my friends are starting up business ventures or whatever or are getting involved in more and more things as their SL develops, and want to get me to be a part of it. I'm only number 112 on the petition, but I think every resident would sign it given the knowledge that it exists, so spread the word! We want more groups!

Esmie xXx

Fame!

Well, the show went about as well as could be hoped for, that is, fucking brilliant. It felt so good to stand up there, everyone's eyes on me, I felt like a real star and it kicked ass. Even though my friends kept IMing me, and they were shouting n stuff lol - it was distracting but I really enjoy being the centre of attention, it doesn't happen often to me in RL.

I gotta say thanks to Sebastiaan, cos without his careful and friendly guidance, I wouldn't have been able to do it, as well as thanks to the owners and the other models for being such great guys and making the experience so fun.

I think that will be the last underwear/speedo show that I do, tho - Nicholai didn't like the thought of all those guys staring at me, and he afterwards explained how he wanted to keep 'me in my underwear' something special that just he gets all to himself. Which is fine by me and I understand it - I probably wouldn't like to sit there while a big bunch of guys made naughty comments about him. So - I will be doing shows that involve real clothes in future - just nothing too revealing. He also asked that any pics of me from the event be destroyed or all given to him, which I can't see happening easily - altho I didn't hear a camera once. So yeah, I dunno. But we sorted out the problems and had some rough sex to make us both feel better =)

Esmie xXx

Fashion Show

Ok well here I am, with 25 minutes before the first people start showing up at Fashion House, and Nicholai has dragged me off to Naughty to check for new men's hair *lol* it is a crazy situation.

I am so nervous about the show, despite knowing exactly what I have to do and having practiced several times. I worry most about crashing, but we have a great contingency plan in place for that. The other models are so much fun and the owners - Eddi and Javier - run a nice tight ship that has room for a joke and fun, which I love.. working with these guys is great, even if they are mostly over-muscled steroid guzzlers *lol* they are awesome fun.

It starts at noon SL time and goes on until 2pm.. here is the SLURL :)

H & W Fashion House

Its gonna be awesome, and you get to see me wearing speedos and thongs so dont miss it :P

Esmie xXx

Esmiel the Merman

Well some of you may have seen me flopping about the beach recently or floating in my own aquarium - don't tap the glass please guys, it really pisses me off - but of course, the natural home for any merperson is the open sea. I've become so used to having a fish tail for legs that walking around seems almost wierd now, although I can transform from time to time if things like fashion shows and poses require it. Anyways, my original idea for a sim build with CNDG was going to be an advanced urban metropolis, that spread vertically rather than horizontally - only perhaps 30 or 40% of the sim plan area would be used, but it would stretch hundreds of feet into the air.

My plan has changed. How does an underwater city sound? Like Atlantis, but there are already a few of those dotted about and they aren't exactly immersive or authentic feeling. So how a bout a full sim of underwater buildings - some ancient ruined, flooded human dwellings as well as some newer Merpeople buildings - how exactly these will look is up for debate, but I imagine stone columns, huge temples and smaller homes made from hollowed-out balls of kelp and plants, as well as caves and shipwrecks, and all manner of wierd under sea crap.

Hmm I think it will work, and I also think it will be awesome. Who knows, maybe both my ideas will be used :)





Esmie xXx

I'm writing a Story...

Yes, indeed I am. A short fantasy, basically set in a world similar to the ones found in Lord Of The Rings, Dungeons and Dragons, Warcraft, Elder Scrolls etc. But it focuses, for the first part anyways, on a boy named Aeren, with pale blue eyes and blue-black hair, and so far I have written about 2 and a half pages just about his life from the age of 9 to 11 *lol* but things are going to be sped up a bit until he is 16 - because that is how old he is when he meets the 15 year-old Rihann, with his almond-shaped deep green eyes and fine silky golden hair...

Cos its a love story!

Its a little different for me, this time I have to totally create and flesh out characters, give them a detailed history and describe their world - the village, the distant city of the Emperor, the twin suns that heat their similar-yet-oh-so-slightly-different-to-our-own planet. I have even drawn a little map to help me figure things out... and I have absolutely no idea where this story is going to take the two boys. None at all, I have a beginning in my mind and on paper, I have an idea about the middle... as for the end - who knows.

I will not be posting this story on the blog, because it is far too good and long for that. What I will do, however, is send it to you by email, if you ask for it - when it is done - or perhaps even mail you a copy of the book if it gets published =P

However, I think I might have to do a few short stories to make it book-worthy. Although this could turn out to be 20 A4-sized pages long, that isnt enough for a book, and I will possibly do some other 'gay-interest' love stories to accompany it. Don't expect anything to be finished for months tho - this is a long term ongoing project that requires long breaks when my brain starts to dry up :)

Esmie xXx

Party Details

Ok well we've figured out that the 22nd of December - a saturday - is the best day and that the best time will be about 2pm SL time.

Now, we want this to be ballroom-style slowdancing. For that, everyone needs a partner to dance with. So make sure you bring someone if you get invited :) There's room for maybe 10 couples so.. errm.. my friends list of 130 is gonna be mostly full of pissed off people :( wish there was another way to do this. But I am gonna invite as many people as I can, and if we run out of dances and space then we'll find a way to manage :)
Please feel free to bring along your own slowdance, ballroom or tango balls :)
There will be a big fast dance ball incase we are left with a few odd people with no partners. Hopefully you'll all know each other and be able to pair up :)

Will be sending out invites this week so look out for them!

Esmie xXx

The Results of Poll Number 2

Well well well. Looks like the humans trounced the opposition. Seems like horns, tails, wings, and furry ears really aren't that popular! Who knew?!

The results, in order:

1. Humans - 13, 59%
2. Nekos - 4, 18%
=3. Angels - 2, 9%
=3. Faeries - 2, 9%
5. Demons - 1, 4%
6. Furries - 0,0%

Well I was expecting Nekos to do a little better. You know which one I voted for? Demons!
Cos I find dark, mysterious power and the idea of being corrupted and used quite sexy. Well, very sexy actually. Plus, they all have foot-long tongues - whats not to love?

Ok so there you are, I admitted that. Now, I wanna hear you guys give your reasons/excuses for your choices! Convince me that Humans are indeed the sexiest, or else I shall have to pick a mythical being as the winner out of spite for all you human-lovers!

The next poll is a bit more serious and could open us up to some serious philosophical debate. Is there a God? There are more than just Yes or No options here tho - check it out and give your honest feelings :)

Esmie xXx

Busy day

Well I got the email to in-world message crossover thing set up. It works amazingly well - just edit a note into groups of avs (using their UUIDs) and send an email to the gateway box with the group name as the subject - the message gets delivered to everyone in the group in that sexy in-world green script text. Currently collecting the UUIDs of each member of CNDG to put into the box :)

Nicholai and I went shopping for trees, decorations, dances - there is an amazing new v7 dance at Bits and Bobs! - and errrmm.. penises and nipples and butt plugs.

Sometimes something happens that really makes you feel so good and totally makes your day...

[11:47] Jo Beatty: esmiel your avis is beautiful
[11:47] You: aww thank you :)
[11:47] Nicholai Heita: o.o
[11:47] Jo Beatty: your welcome..such a pretty face

Its so good to be back, it feels like I was gone months, not just two days lol

Esmie xXx

Internet Problems

£$%"!!!!!F&*+%^£**?@C!!*T<*^£W~#*&$£!!!!!!

The internet connection for my ISP (Virgin Media) was cut over about half the city or something over the past few days. I had no way of checking email or logging into SL or anything. Fucking pissed me off so much - and its taken this long to get it back, and it still doesn't work on one of the pc's cos somehow the frickin thing's network card got reset so I am not in a very good mood. My rl bf also left saturday morning to go down to London and it will be a couple of weeks before I see him again, and although my roomie is amazing company and a fab guy to be around, I was desperately worried about not getting into SL and being all lonely n shit. I fucking missed you all so much.... And now I have to download a fucking update before I can get on!! Aaaarghhhhhhhhh hurry you bastard!

Oh yes, by the way. My exams were a total nightmare and I think I might have failed them all, meaning I may possibly have to drop out of this year and then retake it. Yay!

Esmie xXx

Snow!

Holy shit it got deep quickly...



...and yes, that is our house :)

Other developments recently...

I have a new job at CNDG, I work for Aprikat as her assistant. Basically I help her out with stuff and also work on various side projects for the team, like finding a suitable rl/sl crossover communications thing. I love working with the team so much and I am so glad they didn't kick me out when I revealed my lack of desire to build on these projects and then also revealed I was pretty useless at alot of other stuff. Lucky they love me :)

Here is my boss, friend, almost aunty/mom type figure - (she is Gabe's SL mom), Aprikat Wildcat:



There are other things going on too, but thats all you get for now :)

Esmie xXx

Party Time!

Nicholai suggested the idea of a christmas party at our place and of course, its a fabulous way to kick off the holiday season.

So, we are making up some invitations for distributing in-world. Look out for those soon. However, I figured it best to announce it here as well, earlier so that I can get some opinions on one or two things.

Its going to be ballroom-style dancing and the theme is formal red and white. So that means suits and tuxes for the guys... and ball gowns and various other huge, flamboyant dresses for the ladies... or guys too, cos Nicholai will be dressing up in his gorgeous outfit I bought for him. It was ehhhmmm.. a little expensive *looks sadly at his empty wallet* but he looks amazing so it was well worth it.

So, yeah, white suits, red suits, red and white suits, red dresses, white dresses, red and white dresses are required. I've iced over the pool so we can use that as a big dance floor :D

As for the date and time, I'm thinking 20th december. Time.. well, we have alot of friends from all over the world who I want to give the chance to make it to the party. Time zones are such a bitch. So, I was thinking maybe 2 pm SL time. Thats 10pm UK time, 5pm East Coast US and ummm... 7am in Australia on the 21st. I can't think of any other time that allows as many people to come... any suggestions are welcome ;)

Esmie xXx

My Life for the past 8 weeks.

What am I on about? Well I figured I'd let you take a little look at some of the stuff I've been studying recently, and attempt to explain it, thereby furthering my own understanding and aiding my memorisation of certain aspects. Here are some choice morsels from this term :)

Maths - I've already done this exam, but hey, easiest thing first to warm you up :)

This involved, amongst other mind-bendingly boring things:

Vectors - integration; differentiation; Divergence, Stokes' and Greens' Theorems; Div, Grad and Curl of a line. Parametrisation of a line and plane.

It would all have been alot simpler if the lecturer wasn't such a total jerk and didn't do stupid things like change the questions to fit the (originally) wrong answer he got from it. Here is a typical question - one of the rare ones I can actually comprehend and do right - from one of the middle sections of the course.


(I should point out the vector field f is not used for this part of the question).

This basically wants us to find the curl of the gradient of a field (the field is represented by 'phi' - the little circle with a line through it) given by a set of co-ordinates in 3D space. The space is divided by three axes with labels x, y and z. A vector of magnitude (length) one unit (A unit vector) along these axes is labelled i, j or k respective of axis - i for x, j for y, k for z.

What we now do is use a formula for gradient to get a new set of co-ordinates - this was given to us at an earlier stage. The formula states that (x,y,z) co-ordinates in the 'phi' scalar field become (d(phi)/dx, d(phi)/dy, d(phi)/dz) where d(phi)/dx is the derivative of the function 'phi' with respect to x. That gives us the bottom line of the matrix (the box thing with 3 rows and 3 columns) in the answer below. The top row is made up of the i, j and k unit vectors mentioned above. Dont ask me why, thats just what it is, and it works so go along with it.

The middle row of that matrix is made up of a further derivative (one for each axis) which is put there because thats what the formula for curl tells us to do.

We must find the determinant of this matrix, and that will give us the values of the curl of the gradient of the scalar field 'phi' in each axis. As you can clearly see, all that you do is multiply it out.. so for the i vector direction (along the x-axis) we take the derivative (with respect to the y axis) of the derivative of 'phi' with respect to the z-axis ((d^2(phi))/(dydz)) and away from that we take the derivative (with respect to z) of the derivative of 'phi' with respect to the y-axis ((d^2(phi))/(dzdy)). Essentially, they are both exactly the same thing and subtracting one from the other leaves you with 0. (You subtract them because that is what you do when finding the determinant *lol*). This 0 is the value of the curl of the gradient of the field along the x-axis. Repeat the steps for the j and k unit vectors (y- and z-axes) and you find they cancel each other out, due to the wierd way one turns out to be a negative and the other positive.

Hence, the answer is (0,0,0) and will always be that, regardless of the actual values of any of the vectors or co-ordinates.

That question would take me about 5 minutes to do in an exam, and I just spent about 30 writing it out for you there, I hope you appreciate that *lol*

Ok, next (and the last for now) is...

Electromagnetism

We had two lecturers for this... the first guy was a fat oaf and the second one was actually a brilliant guy who teaches well, and I understood his section much more easily. This is taken from the fat oaf's part.

He didn't explain what a dielectric actually is and then gave us this set of formulae. Its not a question, I just wanna show you the kinda range of symbols, variables and equations we work with.

I can see how the maths works, I can work through it and get the correct result... but I actually have no idea what its really talking about. Yay :)

Don't do physics at university, kids! There are no lasers, no explosions, no spaceships and definitely no young, sexy lecturers. Just loads and loads and loads of that stuff above. Its not even interesting anymore, I dont really know why I bother *lol*

Esmie xXx

Poll 2 So Far

Early results suggest the Human team has taken a clear lead. I guess tails, wings and fluffy ears aren't everyone's idea of hotness. I'm surprised nekos aren't way out in front, however I hope they will be clawing their way back to the top soon.. altho they are not the ones I voted for ;)

I had a feeling Furries would be in last. I should have put in vampires, but never mind.. I'll be thinking up more stupidly crazy 'sexiest' contests pretty soon. Demons and Angels lag far behind with the faeries. Maybe people dont know what a faerie is? Like a pixie or sprite or nymph - honestly I find them quite sexy (as long as they arent Thumbelina-sized.. that would be wierd).. the silky, colourful wings and pale skin, pointy ears and lush, glistening hair. Yum :)

Of course, there is still plenty of time to vote and change the outcome. Once the poll has closed, I will make a post about my choice and why I chose it... I shall also be expecting at least half of the voters from this time to explain their choice, because if you can't give me a good reason or justification why your chosen being should win, I will pick the overall winner all by myself :P

Esmie xXx

Poll Number 1 Results

So it seems like 'some' gay people live up to their stereotype intentionally (100% of the vote). I'm talking things like 'oh I'll wear pink because its a gay colour' or 'I hate Madonna but I'll listen to her shit because all the other gay guys do'. Not a surprising result, to be honest, because obviously there will always be 'some' guys who do it. I know many gay men actually like the colour pink and Madonna, and also that many gay men hate those things. But has anyone ever 'liked' them just because its the 'gay' thing to do? I bet a few people have, and of course, there are many other examples such as over acting your effeminateness or taking certain drugs or whatever that are popular on the gay scene.

Of course, stereotypes are a bad thing, and are most often untrue - until that is, someone in the stereotyped group decides to make it true, because he/she believes that it is the way they should be, in order to fit into that group.

So what can we do about it? Discouraging stereotypes is impossible when people try to make them a reality, and when so many people have so many prejudices.

Therefore the answer is, not alot - except realise it is more important to be unique and to be yourself than it is to fit in with any ideal or scene, and passing this message on to others is the only way to change the way gay people are stereotyped and the way some of us live up to it.

The next poll is a little more fun ;)

Esmie xXx

Happy Rezday Adian!

Yay Adian :D

Hope you had a good year buddy and I hope the rest of them are equally awesome.


I also really hope you like the pic ;)



*hugs*

Esmie xXx

dirt update

So far, we have managed to create a new group, simply called 'dirt' and have put out a notice in the old 'dirt magazine' group asking people to switch. We'll be deleting the old group soon, and kicking out anyone who hasn't left. Of course, you don't have to have been in the old group to be in the new one! Just search for 'dirt' in groups, its open enrollment so feel free to become a member. The more, the merrier as they say.

We've worked out that Osayo will be doing HTML and layout things for the blog, I'll be designing images and things like that. Already had a couple of people say they want to help out with writing - if you do, IM me. I'll ask you to write a short note reviewing your favourite place/store/outfit, so get thinking and if its good you will most likely get a place on our team :)

Things are going steadily and I doubt I will be able to do much work on dirt until after next week (my exams), but once I start, dirt will be kicked into gear and things will really start to get awesome.

Esmie xXx

Karl Has a Habit of Pissing Me Off...

He sends me a snapshot and this is the IM convo that ensued.

[13:32] Karl Dorance: my new skin
[13:32] Esmiel Posthorn: :O i didnt see it earlier, you were all grey
[13:32] Karl Dorance: aww
[13:32] Esmiel Posthorn: dammit you SOB thats MY skin
[13:32] Karl Dorance: ROFL
[13:32] Karl Dorance: but I got pubes :P
[13:32] Esmiel Posthorn: fucks sake.. first Dagon, now you
[13:33] Esmiel Posthorn: looks very hot tho :)
[13:33] Karl Dorance: hehe thanks
[13:34] Karl Dorance: looks like your gonna have to get a new skin now
[13:34] Karl Dorance: lol
[13:34] Esmiel Posthorn: fuck, you're right
[13:34] Esmiel Posthorn: lol
[13:34] Karl Dorance: ROFL
[13:35] Esmiel Posthorn: dammit you buncha assholes
[13:35] Esmiel Posthorn sighs
[13:38] Karl Dorance: hahah
[13:39] Karl Dorance: now now no need to be all sulky, come to daddy, lemme make you feel better *wink*
[13:39] Esmiel Posthorn: thats just sick
[13:39] Karl Dorance: ROFL

I love Karl, really... if it wasn't for him I'd have nobody to insult.

Esmie xXx

Demons and Angels

I've been a dark angel before but never a full-on demon. Today that changed and I grew some big-assed horns, a pointy tail and some freakishly evil wings. I had just finished fitting my new parts when Nicholai dropped in. Nicho has always been the lighter, purer side of the partnership (at least he pretends to be :P) and his angel gear is looking a little old, so we went off to Material Squirrel (after some extremely hot and naughty fun :P) to find him new wings and a sparkly halo. I took us to Apollo, an old favourite of ours, possibly the greatest, most romantic sim in SL. I hope to one day own a place like this...

We snuggled down in the tallest tower and discussed various things, mainly Gor - Nicholai's memories of it and how he feels as if I am his Master and he is my slave - which he loves the idea of, I can tell. I don't, although having him as a slave would not be a bad thing, as after the chat he demonstrated to me what made him the best male slave in all of Gor... daaaamn it was good. But no freaking way am I ever going Gorean, I would sooner be eaten by a 'larl' or something.



Esmie xXx

Question: Why do gay men use ribbed condoms?

Of course, not all of them do, but thats not the point of this joke, just wait until the punchline. First tho, I wanna talk about safe sex in SL. I notice none of us have any STDs. We all have perfect bodies and organs and things. SL is odd in that way, in that it tries to be so real in some ways and yet is total fantasy in others. I've had maybe ten sexual partners in SL and never onced used a condom *gasp*. If I had said 'RL' there, you might think I was some kinda skanky disease-ridden slut. (Actually I have only had one partner in RL and I don't plan on having any others...).

But in SL, 10 guys in a year? Sounds like a tiny number. But when you consider that for about 8 months of that year I have been in full time relationships it makes sense. But hang on a minute Esmie - if you have a strong, loving relationship of 3 years in RL then why do you need one in SL? Honestly I cant answer that, I just feel like I have a big hole inside of me when I don't have anyone to share this SL with. It may sound as if my RL relationship is not enough for me - it is, more than I could possibly ever hope for - but for some reason, when I came into SL, I felt like I needed someone else to share it with me.

Maybe its just a typical Pisces thing.

Oh crap I had better go get on with my lab book write-up - it's due in today and I also have to get to the bank and wait in for some mail (that might not come) and shower and have lunch and maybe attend an optional tutorial class at uni. Busy day, but luckily, the last one for the week, seeing as I am now in Study week and will be revising hard until the weekend. Somehow I dont quite believe that, but we'll see...

Answer: Traction in the mud.

Eeeeeeeew!!! I'm outta here...

Esmie xXx

Maybe we should call it 'ash' now?

Ok well here's the news:

Chester has decided to leave his post at dirt magazine to pursue his career as a builder for CNDG.

He's been stressing over the mag and he really enjoys building alot more, so I hope he is happier now and there are no hard feelings. I was a bit upset at first when I read the note, but I am also kinda relieved - I wouldn't want to work with him if he wasn't enjoying himself, and now he is, and we all still love him so its all good in the end. To be honest, I was struggling to meet the deadlines for this month, dunno about Os, but it was a strain and a burden at times.

So.. what to do about dirt?

With the founder/creator, page and layout designer and chief editor gone, we were in a bit of a mess. Basically I saw three options;

1 - Let dirt die.

2 - Assemble a new team and return next year, continuing as an in-world magazine.

3 - Develop it into a blog, jointly written by Osayo and myself, with articles, reviews and all the usual goodness of dirt, combined with some fresh new talent on the writing and modelling front.

We plumped, as you might have expected/be very glad to hear, for option number 3. I am in the process of setting up the new blog using Blogger and we will be looking at maybe 4 or 5 writers in total, one review or article a fortnight each (or something, nothing has been decided yet). As always, dirt will continue to be un-affiliated with any in-world store, and all products we feature will be because we like them and want to show off.

Osayo's Travel and my Advice columns/features will continue and will be expanded - it is possible to fit much more onto a webpage than into the page of a magazine in-world. So, dirt will be bigger, better and easier to access, no need to ask one of us for a copy or find a vendor - just click the link that will soon be appearing in the Links section (oddly enough).

As for hiring new talent - well, we can't offer you much in the way of pay - if/how we will sell ad space on the blog is yet to be resolved - but you will be doing something you (hopefully) love and working with fun, exciting and sexy people. Just IM me if you are interested in writing or modelling for the blog - details are to be finalised but its always nice to have a list of hopeful applicants handy :)

Dirt issue #3 - the Sexxx issue - will not be released in SL. However, before you lynch us all, you will be pleased to know that our work for that issue will form the basis of our first posts on the blog so you will still get the best bits.

I will of course keep you updated on our progress and will be letting you know when the blog is opened and ready.

Esmie xXx

Far Away

all we have to do
is look far away
to discover what
is closest to our hearts

New stuff on the sidebar

Look right and you will see a few new things. At the top is a little poll I am running - vote for what is your honest opinion - the question will change every week and I will be discussing the outcome (if there is one).

I also put a little slideshow of my Flickr pics on there, so you can see if I've uploaded new ones easily. Its a bit small, but its what you do with it that counts, so I hope you'll all put it to good use and watch the slideshow all day every day :)

I also changed my 'About Me' block to something a little more succinct and exciting. Well not really exciting... just... it was time to change, ok?! *lol*

I also have some news coming up soon about a few things, mainly concerning dirt. The news is not all good I am afraid, but thats life. I'll let you know as soon as things are sorted and I have some facts to put on here.

Esmie xXx

O_o!?

Where have I been since monday? Feels like weeks since I posted on here. It also feels like weeks since I uploaded any pics to Flickr or visited Boots' Beach even. Its so wierd how time in SL or anything related to SL goes by so quickly. You can meet someone, fall in love with them and move into their place in about 3 days (or less) in SL, whereas it would take months to do in RL.

Back to the point. I've been busy. Busy in SL and RL.

In SL, now that we have the Safe Harbour Sandbox, I've been building and spending more time with my Nicho now that he is online building alot of the time too. It doesn't leave much room for anything else - except shopping and RP of course :P

In RL, its my last week of classes and I have several class tests and pieces of coursework to be done this week - in fact I have a class test - Maths - in about 3 hours (1.20pm) and another the same time tomorrow - Electronics - which is gonna be hell. But, I chose Physics as my degree and I gotta put up with whatever they throw at me - so bring it on!

Essentially, the whole of next week I have no classes, its called 'Revision Week' where we're sposed to spend all day every day studying for final term exams the week after. I can't remember spending more than about 6 hours out of that week studying in the last 2 years, but this time, things have to change! 3rd year is alot harder than previous ones and I need to help myself as much as I can.

So yeah... thats why I haven't been around much in SL, or posting on here as often as I usually would. Once the term is over in two and a bit weeks' time, I have a month's holiday for christmas so expect me here all day every day :P

Esmie xXx

My First Rezday

Haa-ppy Rezday to meee,
Haa-ppyyy Rezday to meeee,
Happy Rezday dear Eeeesmiiii-eeeeelllllll,
Happy Rezdaaaay toooo meeeeee!

A whole year. There have been ups, there have been downs. Sad moments and happy moments. Pain, loss and conflict, but also peace, love and happiness. I'm glad to say the latter far outweigh the former, and to be honest, this has been one of the best years of my life. SL has taught me so much about myself and RL too, I can't begin to describe what this place has come to mean to me.

Thank you to all my friends who have stuck by me - especially those I have known since my first few days - Nicholai *kisses*, Karl *pounces* and Gabe *smooches* - and I hope I haven't been a jerk to anyone, at all. If I have, let me know and I will be your personal slave for the next year to make it up to you. Promise :)

I love you all - you make my SL worth living - and I look forward to sharing many more rezdays with you guys!

Esmie xXx

Flickr Update and Other Stuff

I've put 9 snaps into my Flickr account so far, and created the Arabian set for the 5 images I took during our trip to 1001 Nights. I will soon be uploading pics of our rezday party on saturday, so look forward to those later on ;)

It was awesome, and I got some lovely gifts. Thanks a whole load to everyone who came, you make my SL worth living and I love you all! There might be more excitement happening today as well, we'll see. I just realised... I'm 364 days old. Luckily avatars age like fine wine :)

Nicholai's present was ummm.. interesting and just as sexy as you would expect from the little minx :P

Society Islands has now become Safe Harbour Sandbox - just a big, empty desert inhabited by a few clustered builds in one corner and some construction vehicles on the other side. We have four void sims now, just open water, with a few interesting little builds scattered amongst them. One will be used as terraforming practice, which I can't wait to start on. We picked an island in the corner of the Maupiti sim as a spot for our house, with unbroken sea views on two sides. I kinda like the lil shack that Mak put on the island, but Nicho won't have it and we're gonna be replacing it with our awesome house, which will require some terraforming to the island.

Unfortunately, this spot is in a corner far from the sim boundary with one of the sailable void sims, which means threading my jetski or powerboat through the island chain everytime we wanna go out. Could just TP I spose *lol* :)

I'll get some snaps of the finished island as soon as it is done.

Esmie xXx

Esmiel On Flickr

Yay I got myself a Flickr account. Whenever I update it with pics I'll post on here, and in future, pics to go with my posts will be on Flickr. I just prefer the uploading on that site, it pixellates the image alot less and also allows you to view and edit them alot easier. So yay!

Here is the link to my page.

Esmie xXx

More Windlight Hotness.

Arabian themed sims aren't exactly plentiful. Amazingly beautiful ones are rarer still.

1001 Nights is just such a sim. Its RP, but you can go as an observer and just wander around the immaculately constructed city and surroundings. It really is a work of art. I took these pics today while Nicho and I went for a bit of our own Arabian Master/Harem boy RP action. Check these pics out:

Looking across the turrets and domes of the city - the snap doesn't show how gloriously shiny they are in-world...

We didn't actually go down this tunnel, but my panning camera and awesome eye for a great scene caught this and I just had to snap it. There is an extensive cave and tunnel network under the city.

The boat is glorious, especially with the reflections on the water. Simply stunning.

I love this shot, just a spur of the moment thing. The sky is set to 'Desert Sunset' in case you were wondering...

Then we tried out our new pose balls, Soul Intentions (from Bits and Bobs). The sim lets you rez objects there, but has auto return so they will come back to you in your Lost and Found after only a few seconds of getting off them... This is the point where the snaps get too explicit for the blog and I have to stop. Be assured that it involved a young, handsome Arabian Master 'claiming' his new Harem boy (Who also happens to be a genie), by stealing his innocence and then getting all messy...

Oh yes, and tomorrow is my Rezday party - a joint one with Gabe (he is only one day younger than me). My actual rezday isn't until the 19th, but we're having it tomorrow cos its just easier for everyone. Chester has apparently been arranging it all and I have no idea what to expect. Feel free to IM me throughout the day if you want a TP to the party. I will also be accepting presents *lol* hope to see you there (wherever it is).

Esmie xXx

[I am definitely gonna be creating a Flickr account soon, cos the quality of the Blogger uploads is really getting to me... I'll keep you posted]

Resurrected: Windlight. Almost as good as that time Jesus did it.

Wooooooooooooooooooow.

Just to demonstrate the power of Windlight, with no post-processing, no editing to the sky in-world - except changing the time of day - I created this little picture. Expect more insanely beautiful snaps over the next couple of days on this blog :)

The lighting, shading, water effects are almost perfect. It makes any scene in SL so much warmer, more real and intense, beyond anything I've previously experienced... check it out...

My passion for photography in SL just grew by about 1,000,000%...

Esmie xXx

Why I hate leaving SL for dull RL stuff.

Its never easy to log out of SL and go get on with your shitty RL. But it's especially hard when you're with a bunch of the funniest, cutest guys you know.

Osayo, Gabe, Chester, Me, Broder, Jaho and Hoaghes. Love them all. You can see why I was reluctant to leave...

As for the mouse tail, ears and purple hair - I made myself up a little alternative avatar for a bit of fun. This is what happens when I get bored...

Off to classes now, bye!

Esmie xXx

RenderGlow combined with High-Res Snapshots.

Its a beautiful thing, that RenderGlow. If you haven't tried it already I urge you to do so. If you've forgotten how to activate it -

Use ctrl-alt-D to bring up the Client and Server menus.

Go Client > Debug Settings

Find RenderGlow in the list (or type it in) and set it to TRUE.

You can turn it off again by setting it to FALSE.

I went for a quick browse around the stores in the Block, one of, if not my absolute, favourite shopping districts in all of SL. I turned on the good old RenderGlow to see how it would affect the urban environment. I took a couple of high res snaps so you can see for yourselves :)

Shiny!

Unfortunately, Blogger pixellates the shit out of them, reducing the quality loads. I might make myself a Flickr account soon so I can share them in their purest, highest quality form..

Esmie xXx

Esmiel Investimagates.

I'm still ill, but I have given up whining and bitching about it, because I reckon you're all sick of it and it doesn't seem to be curing me *lol* so this is the last you're gonna hear about that. The blog has been pretty much all RL stuff over the last few days which is kinda silly cos this is an SL blog! Apparently! So, lets think of some SL stuff to chuck in here.

Aha! CSI:NY. The stupid T.V. show had Second Life in one of its programs and then they invaded SL with dozens of identical sims. Nicholai and I went along (he's a big fan of the show - you can probably guess that I am not) a few weeks ago and here is my 'review'.

It was a warm, sunny day when the SL police department received a tip-off. Apparently some corporations from outside of town had muscled their way into our quiet, thriving community. They were buying up vast tracts of land and, it was rumoured, the directors enjoyed killing like a sport - killing people, hunting them down and making horrid snuff movies or something.

When I first arrived at their headquarters with my partner Nicholai, we were surrounded by suits who demanded us to install things and implant a new 'client' into our heads. We retreated for a moment, and I was able to catch a glimpse of the corporation's name - CSI:NY. Clearly this was some sick operation, and we had to get deeper. So we decided to go undercover in order to infiltrate their web of lies and murder. We accepted the new client and donned our CSI:NY badges, hoping they would fool the suits. The disguise worked, and we were in.



What we didn't expect was the sheer number of people working with this organisation. It was a massive operation, and it seemed like many of the CSI followers had been hypnotised or tricked, blindly following the commands of their shadowy superiors. Once the CSI client was installed, we immediately felt the differences. I felt sluggish and incomplete, unable to sort the change in my pockets or to work my earpiece. Nicholai liked the modern, clean feel of the client, but I knew something was terribly wrong.

Once we were inside, we discovered the true nature of this corporation. Patrons and CSI followers were the same people - the customers were being used to carry out the whims of the managers and directors - and blood sport was their reward. Looking at the site map, Nicholai and I knew this thing was huge, and it needed to be blown wide open.

We came across the body of a young, winged man who had been killed for fun by the directors - target practice I imagine, like a clay pigeon - now the CSI followers were involved in some kind of puzzle or game that involved the collecting of clues and evidence. They were blind to the fact a poor man had been murdered and they were now putting their hands all over his body...

All of a sudden, the face of an ugly, bearded man flashed into my mind, telling me what a good job I was doing and that he was pleased with my progress in this 'game'. Sick fuck, he must have been the chief director, the mastermind behind this entire thing! Was he in everyone's mind? Nicholai experienced the same, so I guess he was. Mind control! This was the evidence we needed. Proof that the CSI corporation was brain-washing its customers into doing it's own dirty work, and that the directors were, literally, directing everything as if this was some kind of T.V show. But why did they have to kill inncoent people? Simple - they thought they were above the law, too powerful and too wealthy to be tracked and prosecuted. Mankind's bloodlust is inescapable, undeniable - its a part of us all and these guys had capitalized on that at the same time as fulfilling their own desires.


I ripped the new client from my head and slotted the old one neatly back into place. This CSI thing was huge, it had thousands of followers and untouchable directors - or so they thought. Now all I had to do was find the source of their mind-control abilities...

It sucked, to be honest. Its so gimmicky, and designed for newbies, so everything was laid out in ultra-simple steps that, at times, would have insulted the intelligence of a tapeworm. The client was dreadful. It didn't even look good, it was clunky and slow, poorly laid out and I never thought I'd say this, but I was desperate to get back into the old one.

Running around a place full of newbies isn't much fun either. One guy came in and asked the greeter "Where can I get a gun so I can shoot people like the guy did in the TV show?" and that just kinda set the tone for the whole thing. The CSI stuff in SL is a fad, a gimmick and I hate the stupid T.V show and everyone seems to love it. But I don't know how anyone could love the CSI stuff in SL.

Detective Esmie xXx

Gothic Victorian

Nicholai and I were gonna be doing some kinda gothic victorian style RP - apparently he claims it is his 'speciality' - we spent a while looking for a suitable sim and found Dark Eternity (SLURL will come later) and we attempted some RP. But, the lag and the hostile environment (lack of buildings to sneak into and get down to business, and lack of rezzing abilities) coupled with his impending dinner date or whatever it was meant it was only a half-arsed effort and we decided to start again another day. So after Nicho logged off, I explored for a while and took a load of snapshots.

This is my favourite of me, the dark and mysterious Lord Posthorn, as well as my first attempt at a panorama - I read Torley's photo tips and from that I followed the link to how to make panoramas. I followed her instructions almost exactly. Some of the example ones she has are extremely impressive and I think that is mostly down to her use of Windlight, which I cannot wait for. So once I have that mine might almost be as good as hers.


This panorama is only using 28 of the 64 snapshots I took of the lake in the centre of the city park. Its far from perfect - I blame much of the crappyness on the stupid Linden trees, they always look awful - or finished but I am pleased with the way it came out - altho if I make it much larger the pc will run out of memory *lol* but I can't wait to do something a little more impressive.

Esmie xXx

Saturday Morning

Thats right now! Bill Bailey last night was absolutely brilliant, one of the funniest stand up live comedy shows I have seen for a long, long time. On a par with Lee Evan's XL tour in terms of quality at least, maybe not in quantity :)

On the way back my ear started to hurt quite badly - like it had 'popped' and was now full of something. It hurt - a dull, constant pain and I couldn't hear properly out of it, and basically I couldn't sleep while it persisted. So yeah... I stayed up til 5:30am when the oil Scottie Menges had suggested finally sunk in and cleaned it out. My God, what an awesome feeling when my ear suddenly went *whoomp* and I could hear again and there was no pain or anything! However, it still feels like it might go back to that state at any time, especially when I yawn or chew or something. Should be fine tho.

Now all I have left to deal with is the blocked nose and dry, tickly cough which shouldn't be too hard... I hope!

You can also probably guess I made it back from Glasgow ok, without being mugged, murdered or molested - as Syd said, 2/3 ain't bad ;D

Esmie xXx

Friday Night

Thats tonight! I will be off to see Bill Bailey at the Glasgow SECC. We leave our place around 3.30pm and head to Waverly station before catching a train for the hour long journey to Scotland's other great city. This is my first trip outside Edinburgh since I arrived in Scotland (which was well over 2 years ago) and the reputation of Glasgow is not a particularly pleasant one. But I think my bf is even more worried about it than me - its not Baghdad for God's sake! : /

Even so, late friday night, in the most dangerous city in western Europe (It has more murders and a higher number of drug users than London, with a population less than 1/10th of London. Thats not per 1,000 either, its actual numbers), with me feeling pretty rotten - I'm at about 70% physically - and it will be cold, so gotta wrap up extra warm - and we will be using the underground train network. Honestly, I have used the London Underground late at night with just one friend with me and it was terrifying. Everyone looks like a murderer or a psycho or worse at that time of night. Now we're gonna be in Glasgow, and most people in Scotland look like murderers, psychos or worse at noon in bright sunlight on a warm summer's day. Hopefully I will survive :)

Should be a great night tho, but I hate to think what it will do for my recovery from what we are now pretty much agreed on is some kind of horrible flu bug. So I wont be around tonight, but I will hopefully get some time on here saturday, depending on whether my illness gets worse again or not.

Oh yes I posted an RP session from last night between Nicholai and myself on the Nekoboiz blog. Its full and unedited apart from correction of typo's and removal of the little OOC bits we sometimes have to do. Basically I'm a human hunter tracking a cute little neko savage boy through some jungle. Its hot and steamy and intense and I hope you enjoy it :)

Esmie xXx

What the hell is wrong with me...

I still feel like crap. I can't remember the last time I was this ill for this long - and it's not even flu or a cold or anything, just a bunch of random afflictions have crept up on me one by one.

Monday night - high temperature, sore throat, exhaustion
Tuesday - feverish temperatures, aching shoulders and back
Wednesday - shoulders and back got worse, throat now fine, but had a serious headache
Thursday - Really bad throat and a dry cough, back and shoulders getting worse gradually
Friday (tomorrow) - the idea of a 7am start and then getting the train around Glasgow all night doesn't fill me with much confidence for the weekend.

Tonight I went outside for the first time since Monday night. It was so cold even though I was wearing my warmest jacket and scarf. I couldn't breathe properly after climbing the stairs back to the flat and I was shivering for ages.

Now, some people would just shrug this kinda thing off and get on with their lives. But for me it's a big deal. I haven't felt this ill since just before I went into hospital after being diagnosed with diabetes, and that was 8 years ago at least. I know I haven't missed this much school/uni time since that awful week and I am really praying I will be able to get back to uni on monday, fully cured and catch up with my work.

Maybe I should go to the doctor's, but that means a long trip on the cold, depressing bus, right back to the uni campus.

Anyways - what would I be getting up at 7am for on a friday? Computer labs at uni. If I don't get the three hours worth of work done then I'll have to spend any free time next week I have doing it. Yay :)

What could I possibly be doing getting the train to, and then around, Glasgow on friday? My bf, my roomie and me are going to go see Bill Bailey the comedian, live on his Tinselworm tour. Between us we own all of his DVDs and other shows and our expectations are high. The guys said they would push me in a wheelchair if necessary, I have got to go with them. But the plan is to go straight to the train station after my labs which leaves no time for a break or to catch my breath, and I pretty much guarantee we will end up running along a cold, dark street at some point. Not good for someone who feels as exhausted and drained as I do right now... just typing all this crap in here has tired me out, not mentally but physically. It never used to... maybe I should just go and lie in bed and not get out until monday or something. But that would be far too sensible :/


Oh yes and a big hug and congrats go to Chester & Gabe as well as Rasmus & Amadeo who got partnered recently! Yay! Go read Gabe's blog to get an insight into his thoughts and feelings on partnership and what it means to him - like all of Gabe's stuff it's beautifully written and you find yourself agreeing with every little bit of it... I wish all you guys much happiness blah blah blah - its all been said before, you dont need me to say it. Just know that I love all of you :)


*Pokes the rotting corpse of Chester's blog* You would think that at least he would post once a month. I guess he must be so caught up in the whirlwind of romance and building that he forgot all about his poor blog. Shame on you, Chesty!

Esmie xXx

Apologies.

It seems Jaho was not too happy being called a pansy. So sorry Jaho, I didn't mean to offend you.

*cough* pansy! *cough*

:)

In lighter news:

[3:33] Tseenik Miles: So I guess Chester is experiencing mega technical difficulty

[3:33] You: yeah thats one way of saying it. I just say 'impotent' its quicker

Sorry to Chester. I just had to, it was too perfect. It was actually about Tseenik thinking Chester had poofed and crashed or disconnected, when in fact he had just gone and laid down on a log *lol*

Esmie xXx

A bit better...

A whole day of rest has sorted me out but I'm still not perfect. My shoulders are fucking killing me. I've never felt anything like it before - when there is a cold breeze on them, they hurt. When I roll over, they hurt. When I stand up, they hurt. When I lean on my right arm, my left shoulder hurts. But oddly when I lean on my left, the right doesn't hurt. Strange. Anyways, its painful as hell, feels like they are bruised all over but there's no sign of that. I'm taking another day off today, because frankly, I can barely lift my satchel let alone carry it around uni on my shoulder all day. Rest should do me good.

But, tonight my friends have been planning some ten pin bowling action with maybe some drinks afterwards. Sounds like fun, only I doubt I'll be able to lift the balls, and I don't fancy paying the admission fee only to sit and watch... We'll see how it goes...

Esmie xXx

Sick again. Dammit!

I left my place at 9am for uni yesterday, didn't get back in til 6.30pm (which is no worse than usual on a monday) however it was a warm morning and I didn't wear much. But it didn't last and by the time I was waiting for a bus home, it was dark and cold. Very cold. I spent about 15 mins shivering and when I got onto the relatively warm bus, the shivering didn't stop. At this point, my throat started to hurt and my body felt weak.

You can probably guess where this is going :)

Last night I was so exhausted I couldnt even carry the sheet off my bed and put it on the couch in the next room, it was too heavy :/

So yeah after a long, deep night's sleep I am feeling much better now, the aching that was all over my body is now just in my shoulders and upper back, and my throat is a whole lot better - at least it doesn't hurt to swallow anymore. Even so, I'm taking the day off uni today - My third this term! :o

So yeah. That was fun.

Other news... CNDG are totally rethinking the whole business, in that we will be concentrating on entire sim builds rather than rentals in future. The first step is to move stuff off Society Islands (namely our house, and Kat's I think) into Maupiti, then all the sims will be re-arranged and SI will become a sandbox, linked to Maupiti and Safe Harbour by a series of low-prim 'void' sims. Now, to me, void is the spaces where there are no sims, the areas where you see water but you cant go into them. But apparently, low-prim, traversable sims are called voids. I can't wait until all our places are linked together and we can all meet up and do our building stuff in our own dedicated sim :D

I'm no longer their concierge, and have been placed on the creative team, along with Makara, Simon, Nicholai and Chester. Its gonna be so cool!

Esmie xXx

More Photoshop

I finally got Micah's stuff done. Check them out below ^^


I'm really glad he likes them, honestly it was the hardest profile pic set I've done and I kinda struggled quite alot with the general idea and direction. I was experiencing a creative block I think. But the second one, without text, the light on the face is a little harsh and over done, I'll be looking to cut back on that a bit if I get a chance - although stupidly I saved the lighting on the facial layer so changing it will mean cutting out the whole face all over again and starting on it from scratch...

Nicholai has given me the task of coming up with a super-duper front cover for Bandant, and I've taken a ridiculous number of snapshots of him in provocative nude poses, and this is my first effort at what is basically just an idea. I'll be adding some text to it tomorrow and so on, definitely need to cut out that bit of angular 'muscle' under the left armpit, and reduce the definition on the pecs - two people have already asked why he has boobs... >:/

Sooo that might on the cover but I doubt it. I love the shot but I have a few others that are also wonderful, just totally 'him' so I'll be working on those too, will keep you updated :)

Esmie xXx

New Header

I mocked it up in about 30 minutes, just replaced the old me with a pic of the new me, added some sparkle and shading. I kinda like it, although it isn't perfect it will do for now ;D

Comments/opinions on it more than welcome :)

Esmie xXx

dirt issue #2 is out now!

Ask me for a copy, or alternatively you can find one in the vendor here.

(As long as it's been updated with the new issue, I have no idea how it works).

Chester did such an incredible job. I feel a bit guilty about being a little hard on him when I see how much work he put into it and how freaking awesome the result is. Os also did a fantastic job with his travel story :)

Looking forward to the next issue... the 'SEXXX' one :D

Esmie xXx

Nutz >_<

So I stayed in today and then... my bf and my flatmate did too so I didn't get much of a chance to get on the pc. Bastards!
Roomie is in the shower now so I'm having a quick look at my emails and stuff. The reason he's in the shower is that he's got a job interview with the Domino's pizza place down the road in a couple of hours.. and once he's gone off for that then I can have his computer all to myself! Mwhahahahaaha }:D

Oh no he's back from the shower...

Gotta go!

Esmie xXx

Its Alive! :O

My baby is back posting on the Nekoboiz blog, with some good stuff actually so check it out. Proof that the lil old blog isn't quite dead yet ^^

I'm taking the day off uni tomorrow (friday) cos I only have a one-hour tutorial class and frankly, you'd have to be a fucking lunatic to rush your lunch and get a bus right across town (it takes longer than the class lasts sometimes) and then back again. So I'll be spending that time doing a fair amount of Photoshop work, unless I decide sitting on Boots beach is a better use of my time. Which sometimes it can be :)

Esmie xXx

Happy Halloween! Part 2.

Yeah well classes sucked. Nobody came to the uni wearing a hockey mask and carrying kitchen knives, I was most upset. Anyways, here are two more of my fave places for spooky Halloween fun visits.

Gloomy Sunday. Nicholai and I visited this place on his birthday. Go and see that post for the kissing pic that was taken here *grins* Basically its a very cool haunted house on top of a hill full of loads of funky fun stuff to play with. I loved it, and the park is open all year round for romantic couple style stuff apparently.

The Devils Labyrinth. This is a very cool maze/dungeon type place, with multiple paths and exits/endings. Includes some fun puzzles and some gruesome scenery and the odd surprise in the form of random screams and ghosts... Highly recommended!

Well I was hoping to give you slightly more exhaustive reviews but I don't really have the time so this will have to do...

Have a great night and dont forget to be mean to those greedy begging kids.

Esmie xXx